Pleeeze help me - I have some question for the clever forum people

1,299 posts in this topic

A friend of mine has just masturbated for the first time. Does anyone else have any experience of this? She's not sure if she was faking it, so please post quickly.

 

Unless you've said anything I didn't agree with in the past, in which case don't bother, because you're on ignore. But that doesn't mean you can insult me, because I will still see your posts.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

God please help me. I'm going mad. What is it with german TV? Endlesss cooking programmes where each meal ends up looking like vomit, re-runs of white trash programmes like Vanessa from the early 80's (what is with it with those mullets people) and 26 million murder mystery progammes every night - I'm only guesssing here though as I can't speak german and anyway I am hard of hearing so I am having to lip read when I can. There are a lot of blue flashing lights.

 

So, how can I get Sky TV in Frankfurt Oder and what size dish do I need to get? I've done a 'forum advanced search' but nothing works for 'TV' or 'sky'. Will 60 cms do?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Over three hours later, and no advice. So it's obviously true - Germans really are unhelpful. My friend and I are very upset and neither of us will be posting to this forum again until the next time we need something.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hi everyone! I'm planning to move to Berlin next month and I'm so excited!

I have a PhD in fresco paintings from the later Byzantine period and well, I'm just hoping like haities there's a job out there somewhere. Wish me luck everyone! PM if you hear of anything opening up!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I sneaked into the country from the Ukraine via Slovakia in potato truck. Do I need papers to get a job as a nanny? Alternatively, could I get a job teaching German as a second language. Would my inability to speak German be likely to cause any difficulties in this respect?

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Buy a 'folding chair' from Ikea and then pop into Tengelmann for a 'kasten' of Augustiner on your way to MediaMarkt. Wave away the sales people with a cheery "nur schauen".

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Moving out sale - final bits and pieces

 

1 Gillette Venus razor - blade only used twice - 2 Euros

6 Guest toothbrushes - probably not all used - 50 Cents each

1 bottle Channel no. 5 - half used - 5 Euros

1 bottle Victoria Beckham Intimate - used once - 10 Euros

1 bottle Kylie Darling Perfume - not opened - 15 Euros

*please note that all perfumes are without boxes as the bottles have been on display on my bathroom window ledge for the last year (labels accordingly faded)*

 

Various other sundry opened bottles may be taken from the side of the bath for free if required (all Body Shop) plus pumice stone.

 

Rubber duck is reserved pending collection.

 

Do not reply to this thread as I will not be checking regularly - please PM

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Now the grass has dried I want to cut it, but my neighbour says this is "FURRY BOATING" today and is waving his arms at me.

 

Anyway I was thinking. Can I pop out today and buy a robot lawnmower as then it won't be me cutting the grass?

 

post-544-1212917544.jpg

 

p.s. He also stared at me so I think he one of those Nazis that is hiding.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Have you tried the search engine? If I had a thousand dollars for everone I had to tell that to I would be a multi-billionaire. And if you are not happy here then there are other internets you know.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Are there any other trisexuals in Munich? I'm attracted to men, women and shoes. Could we have a special event please? Thanks.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Look, once and for all, where do you get bloody MARMITE in this god-forsaken country! Lidl British Food Fest I don't think so!!! Not even prawn bloody cocktail crisps! And what's with this döner kebap everywhere? It's kebab, no 'p'. Can't anybody write proper English here? And why don't Nordsee have malt vinegar to put on the fish and chips! Heathens!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sorry, TexasLauren, you're only eligible for this event if you live within a three-metre radius of my flat. If that's you in your profile photo, we could meet privately, but I can't leave Schwabing.

 

Editors, can we have a sign-up sheet?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I heard the Euro Football championship is on now. Are there any places to watch the games on Leopoldstrasse? Are there any bars on Leopoldstrasse? Do they have television here in Germany yet? Please let me know.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Right, I have now been in touch with the editors to complain about them ignoring my request for a sign-up sheet. Apart from some implausible excuse about not reading every single post, I have also been advised that my event for trisexuals within a three-metre radius of my flat is too "limited in scope". This seems to me a clear case of discrimination, especially since I also once had a post deleted without prior notification and have still received no explanation for that.

 

However, to give this forum one last chance, I have decided to follow the suggestion to "widen the appeal" of my event. So I now propose we all meet for a curry. This is open to everyone and I don't mind when or where we do it, so please all post your preferred dates, times and venues here.

 

And if this doesn't work, I'll know what to think.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The last three weeks I've been suffering a painful rash in a private area. It's bleeding and I'm very worried. What should I do? I tried PMing Editor Bob and he told me to go see a gynecologist. I don't think he knows what he's talking about though. I am male. Disappointing, because I thought Editor Bob had all the answers. Anyway, so now I don't know where to turn. Any suggestions?

 

This actually happened

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now