Rubbish jokes about the Krauts

78 posts in this topic

i'll start (this is really rubbish but thought it quite funny due to the irony of it)

 

german walks into a bar in england. barman asks him what he does. 'i am a comedian' 'really! never met a funny german before. tell us a joke' 'in my country we have a saying, ja. zat ze women are like volkswagens'

 

cheers

 

J

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Not a joke but you try explaining Mushy Peas to a hermann.Mushy being a slang word for a certain part of the female anatomy

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Kurt.. 42, VW fanatic goes into a british brothel...

 

Has a chat with the madame about his particular fetish... She scratches her head and says "Ah, Julia is always up for a bit of fun".. " she is in room 202."

 

So Kurt wanders off, taking his bag with him.

 

Knocks on Julias door and enters..

 

He tells her about his fetish and she agrees...

 

So He gets out of his bag a pair of Gloves. On each glove is a Big Spring... Julia, Dubiously puts these on..

 

He then gets out a pair of Knee pads.. again with springs on...

 

Julia again obliges..

 

Kurt asks her to get on all 4s on the floor...

 

She does this without a problem...

 

Kurt Gently takes her from behind, "Doggie" fashion...

 

After 5 minutes Kurt asks Julia to start and make a "Quacking" noise..

 

Again she obliges...

 

By now, Kurt is banging away like a good-un!...

 

20 minutes later its all over... Kurt is happy and Julia is in heaven...

 

He gets dressed and packs his bag...

Just as he is about to leave, Julia says to him..

 

"Kurt, That was the best sex I have ever had, Thank you..."

 

To which Kurt replies...

 

"thanks darling, No problem, thats what I call my " 4 sprung duck Technique"! :ph34r:

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in my country we have a saying, ja.

Must have been a Norwegian.

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Not so much a joke but a sketch I saw a long time ago in the UK.

 

Empty screen..

 

Sounds of 'boing, boing'...

 

From the left side of the screen comes a pig with a spring on each foot.

 

It bounds towards and off the right side of the screen.

 

Message appears at the bottom of the screen...

 

'Four sprung pork technic'...

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Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Zee Gestapo and ve ask zee questions.

 

I also know some other more dark ones relating from the time when nobody knew anything and it was all the others fault.

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Funny how Americans actually tell jokes as opposed to whatever that other mess is. :huh:

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The most hilarious German joke and certainly the funniest joke in the world is the one that says:

 

 

- Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer?

- Ja! Beiherhund das oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

I hope no one dies of laughter.

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sinderboc. mayueb coz i'm bedrunken but after altavista i still don't get it. should be ok to fall asleep.

 

rocket gitl made me laufh.

 

roed home tonight anfd played bike wars and i win but frienfd broke his now the screen ist kaput and he has had it ionly teo weeks. haha.

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punch bear... haha. see thatr at home. bloody funny. see the green flute man. smell my fingers blah blah erotic.. bloody funuy too.

 

J

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sinderboc. mayueb coz i'm bedrunken but after altavista i still don't get it. should be ok to fall asleep.

 

rocket gitl made me laufh.

 

roed home tonight anfd played bike wars and i win but frienfd broke his now the screen ist kaput and he has had it ionly teo weeks. haha.

Razer dan Altavista you schould habe ussed YouTube or Wikipedia

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This is also rubbish but belongs here

 

For the 2008 automobile show in Germany, the organisers approached a

local artist and asked him if he could come up with an exhibition involving

some German cars.

 

The artist gave it some thought and sure enough his exhibition opend promptly

for the beginning of the show.

 

The organisers visited his work and looked at the first exhibit. A Volkswagen

with models of heads attached to the bodywork. "Interesting" came the first

comment. "Could you explain?" So the artist explained that the Volkswagen is

typically driven by the German Volk and the heads represented the German People.

"Ah very good" came the response.

 

At the next exhibit, a BMW with models of hands fixed to the bodywork. The

artist explains that the BMW is a car driven predominantly by German White collar

citizens and the hands represent the crafting of the German economy. Again the

organisers are impressed with this and move on to the next exhibit. An Opel with

a pair of synthetic legs attached to the chassis. The artist again explains that

the Opel is driven mainly by German blue collar workers and the legs are symbolic

for the hard work that carries the German industry. The organisers are really

impressed with this again and move on to the next exhibit - a Mercedes Benz.

 

This time however they are puzzled as there is nothing obvious about this car, nothing

attached, just a big black mercedes so they ask him "What is this, this is just a

normal car not a piece of art in sight?" The artist says "Well just open the doors

and you'll see the ASSHOLES inside!"

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