What's got you flummoxed today?

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I have one for the unhappy thread. But I am flummoxed that so much utter shit can happen to one family, when they deserve none of it. Heart attack and dead at 48. Gott ist gross. Not. And that is just the latest.

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Yea, most definitely I will not be doing any shopping or "big favours" for her. It's pretty clear that it would be a trap, once sucked in. I am sure her daughters would say the same thing, to be honest. I suppose the neighbour is trying to share the "burden" which I totally get, but I have zero desire or capacity to take that on. I can imagine her mental a bit, but not much I can do... It's just especially the pitiable "I should just die already" comments that are hard to deal with. Partially I think experience from a past relationship long ago that was full of that kind of emotional blackmail, I just nowadays have. none. of. it. My primary instict is to quip back: Na dann...   

 

I have had private words with her daughters now and then, usually in the bike/bin shed out of her earshot. If necessary, will do again. I am sure the neighbour told them about our convo, because they also told me (later that afternoon) thanks for XYZ which I had only mentioned to the neighbour. (While on her cure, a cloud of moths in a little pantry closet off the kitchen feasted on open packages of pasta and cookies and whatever, so I tossed all that shit out.) On that note, there was also a large tin of peaches, upside down, that must have breached the seal as a slick of funky sticky black syrup was pooling on and down a shelf. I tossed that too (expiry date was 2017), but the streaks are still there. 

 

Thanks for all the feedback, primarily needed to vent! 

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5 hours ago, optimista said:

I am sure you will heed this advice for your own good. Just one more thing about the shopping though. Do not do this. Seems so harmless if you are already in the Rewe and doing your own. However, I have seen it get very ugly when previously normal oldies forget to pay the shopper. Or are convinced they did pay when they did not. Unfortunately, this is how it rolls in real life. Anything can happen after 80. Things can go very peculiar, if they weren't already.

 

This reminds me of a regular customer at a cafe I worked at years ago.  The lady was in the habit of ordering a glass of red wine and paying the check right away.  During her visit she would switch tables a bunch of times, thus changing into a different person's section each time.  For her last check she would put a few glasses on at once and then get up to leave, telling whoever was responsible for the section that she had already paid, and to ask that person over there.

 

I didn't know this game when I wound up being her last server.  She had money in her wallet, but argued until the cows came home.  Big drama.  No, she didn't pay.  Afterward my colleagues told me that she "always does this."  We had banned people for much cheaper bad behavior but nobody ever did anything about her because she was "old" and "didn't have much money."  She had plenty of cash on her at that moment, in any case.  Just knew what she could get away with it, was a fun game.

 

1 hour ago, alderhill said:

It's just especially the pitiable "I should just die already" comments that are hard to deal with. Partially I think experience from a past relationship long ago that was full of that kind of emotional blackmail, I just nowadays have. none. of. it.

 

Literally the only reason a person says that is to be manipulative.  It doesn't mean they're not actually troubled and depressed--I mean, of course they are, it's far from a normal, healthy thing to do.  But at some point a person is at least partially responsible for how they cope with their mental health issues.  I find that the more reinforcement people get from manipulating others, the more they'll do it.  They begin to think they are actually fooling you.  Or that you are allowing yourself to be manipulated and are therefore complicit.  You're in on it.  So they keep going.  I realize I'm not telling you anything you don't know.  But it can be hard to stay strong sometimes.  A very close relative of mine does this.  At some point I told her, "you've been dying for the past 30 years already" and guess what?  Oooohwee, that made the rounds faster than you could say boo.  Far from the feeble, sorrowful impression she wished to make, she was blazing mad and made sure everyone in the family knew what an unfeeling, ungrateful little bitch I am.  Essentially she was trying to put pressure on me, to be so shamed from all corners of the family that I would eventually take it back..  Aha.  I did not tell her "Na dann" but like you, I was also having. none. of. it.  Basta.

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2 minutes ago, dessa_dangerous said:

A very close relative of mine does this.  At some point I told her, "you've been dying for the past 30 years already" and guess what?  Oooohwee, that made the rounds faster than you could say boo.  Far from the feeble, sorrowful impression she wished to make, she was blazing mad and made sure everyone in the family knew what an unfeeling, ungrateful little bitch I am.  Aha.  I did not tell her "Na dann" but like you, I was also having. none. of. it.  Basta.

 

I did something similar once.  Knew this guy online who was always griping about his situation and any suggestion to get out of his situation was ignored or brushed off with some half assed excuse as to why that wouldn't work.  At some point he was doing his little "maybe I should just kill myself" spiel with me and I said something like "it certainly looks like you've exhausted all your other options".  He went heywire.  All of the internet soon knew that I'd told him he was a waste of space and should kill himself, damn if I didn't tie up the noose for him too.  But I also got messages from some other people in that group telling me they wanted to tell him that for ages.  It's fine to help people a bit on your own terms but don't get sucked in, you'll be her full time carer before you know it.

 

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Yes.  They really hate being called out on their shit.  It is one thing to lean on the people around you, and it's OK to expect them to just listen.  But when every day they are befallen by new and insurmountable problems, things that most people would find a way over, around, or through, you start to want them to realize that they do in fact have some degree of control over their lives.  But if they were to actually work at finding solutions to the things which plague them, they'd have nothing else to talk about.  No other way of drawing attention to themselves.  Sad really, but you can't let it become a full-time job for you, too.  And when they lose their narcissistic supply (you) they tend to lose their composure.  The mask falls, they're losing control over you.  I wish these people were rarer, these energy suckers.  When they're old we're more likely to give in and be more tolerant, for longer.  But most of them have probably been playing these same games their whole lives.

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I don't get it. Are we supposed to think that something like this is good? Billionaire Mackenzie Scott gives away £2bn more.

 

I mean, sure, it's better than having her just hoard the money or invest it in a baby burning factory or something, but shouldn't we decide where all this money goes? If we taxed these people properly* then democratically elected representatives could decide where money is most urgently needed. It just makes me really uncomfortable that the super rich get to decide which causes are the most deserving in the world. It makes me understand where the whole Bill Gates vaccine conspiracy theory comes in to play.

 

*US super-rich 'pay almost no income tax'

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Well I certainly wouldn't want somebody to tell me where and how I can donate my money.

 

Tax laws need changing, that is for sure. Meanwhile, I like to see the ultra rich doing philanthropic things with their money.

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I think my gripe is that the ultra rich exist in the first place. They are grotesquely rich. Mackenzie Scott has a personal fortune of $60bn. That's insane. I kind of feel like she should give back $50bn to the country and let the country decide what to do with the money. People getting lovey dovey about the fact that she has given $2bn to her favourite charities* makes my skin itch.

 

* I am aware that in reality this isn't quite true. She's given away a lot more and seems to have really researched it and is going about it in what seems to be the most pragmatic way possible. But still...

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In the absence of a Perfect World™, we have to at least take some solace in the fact that this woman, who likely suffered quite a bit as her husband made his meteoric rise, is doing the Right Thing.

 

ETA: Don't get me wrong, GMan. I understand where you are coming from. It's valid to question why and how someone could amass so much wealth that they now have a disproportionate ability to effect change through giving which could bring with it the benefits of increased social standing and again increase private wealth and power.

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2 hours ago, theGman said:

I think my gripe is that the ultra rich exist in the first place.

I understand that completely. To my mind it's fine for someone to earn millions, even quite a few millions (the key provisio being "earn" rather than, say, inherit). However, when we start talking in the billions I feel it becomes obscene. An example I heard was to imagine someone had put in a really good shift with a bow and arrow during the Battle of Hastings, to such an extent William said, "I'll give you a million pounds...in fact, I hereby decree the Royal Estate will pay you, and your heirs, a million pounds every year, forever". After all these years, decades and centuries of earning a million pounds, that bowman and his offspring  STILL wouldn't have received a billions pounds. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, dstanners said:

I understand that completely. To my mind it's fine for someone to earn millions, even quite a few millions (the key provisio being "earn" rather than, say, inherit). However, when we start talking in the billions I feel it becomes obscene. An example I heard was to imagine someone had put in a really good shift with a bow and arrow during the Battle of Hastings, to such an extent William said, "I'll give you a million pounds...in fact, I hereby decree the Royal Estate will pay you, and your heirs, a million pounds every year, forever". After all these years, decades and centuries of earning a million pounds, that bowman and his offspring  STILL wouldn't have received a billions pounds. 

 

 

Does make you wonder if there will be no cash for the rest of us at some point. 

The super rich will have it all. 

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40 minutes ago, MUinEU said:

Does make you wonder if there will be no cash for the rest of us at some point. 

The super rich will have it all. 

 

Exactly how will they take our cash from us?

 

4 hours ago, theGman said:

I kind of feel like she should give back $50bn to the country and let the country decide what to do with the money.

 

Do you meant to let the same government that doesn't tax billionaires decide what to do with her billions? Makes no sense.

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The rich are rich because they wield all the power and influence.

Although Gman's intentions are well meant, can you imagine the feeding frenzy if that amount of money landed in the government's lap.

We've seen in the UK the cronyism and misappropriation of taxpayer's money over the Covid saga.

Closing the legal tax avoidance loopholes would be a start, but no government is going to bite the hand that feeds it.

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13 hours ago, fraufruit said:

Do you meant to let the same government that doesn't tax billionaires decide what to do with her billions? Makes no sense.

 

Well I was speaking mostly hypothetically, I don't mean suddenly giving whatever government is in power an extra $50bn to play with. I said give it back to the country. Almost like it's stolen money. Tax these people properly and you can lower the tax rates for everyone else. Or set up a government department for charitable spending (which will be headed by elected officials of course). Or whatever. Like Alex said. So much money in private hands makes me uncomfortable.

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Seen at the local Baumarkt where my wife was buying stuff for the garden: Blumenerde vegan

 

The mind boggles (at least ours did).  I guess Blumenerde vegetarisch would be guaranteed to be without worms (are they not a good thing?) but vegan...

Suppose that means there is no horse dung in there.

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Horse dung is only grass. They are surely also vegans. More like there is no material of animal origin in the compost.ie. meaty meal left-overs, or worse. They will make compost out of anything. I wouldn't put much store by what it says on the label anyway. Just another marketing ploy to appeal to a certain group.

 

I agree that shopping of most kinds has indeed become a mind-boggling, flummoxing experience. I get overwhelmed just trying to choose a toothbrush these days. They do them in bamboo. Quite fancied one. But God knows what is in the colorant they put in the bristles. I wouldn't risk putting it into my mouth. So maybe this post should be in the fail section. I'm even flummoxed about where I should be posting what.

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Vegans would prefer no dung from exploited animals.  I guess dung from wild horse would be acceptable but not from farmed cows, pigs, etc.  I know (otherwise) vegans that eat road kill.

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On 17/06/2021, 12:01:45, snowingagain said:

I know (otherwise) vegans that eat road kill.

 

Blimey, it's very nuanced, isn't it? I hope these same people are as rigourously non-exploitative in other areas of their lives.

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4 hours ago, optimista said:

Blimey, it's very nuanced, isn't it? I hope these same people are as rigourously non-exploitative in other areas of their lives.

 

I buy local seasonal produce, including local meat that is small scale fed on locally grown feed and slaughtered by mobile unit.  The soya in products I buy are all sourced from Germany or Austria.   If occasionally I eat meat that is mass produced, does that mean I should eat mass produced stuff all the time?  Is it all pointless?

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6 minutes ago, snowingagain said:

 

I buy local seasonal produce, including local meat that is small scale fed on locally grown feed and slaughtered by mobile unit.  The soya in products I buy are all sourced from Germany or Austria.   If occasionally I eat meat that is mass produced, does that mean I should eat mass produced stuff all the time?  Is it all pointless?

Absolutely not pointless! Even small steps help. I try, like you, but not always eco friendly.

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