What's got you flummoxed today?

[LeonG 14,535]

4 hours ago, fraufruit said:

We played the picking up parcels at the Lotto place a few times and then stopped. We would just cancel the orders because we paid for them to be delivered to our door. Hasn't happened again in several years. Mind you, someone was always at home waiting for those orders.

 

I don't even care if they take my stuff to the Lotto place.  It's 5 min. for me to walk, good excuse to get fresh air.  So when I get the email telling me when they are going to deliver and offering alternatives if I'm not at home, I do check in and ask them to take it to the Lotto place directly if I know I'm not going to be there.  I might have made the Lotto place my standard drop off point already except it required me to create a dhl account and until now I couldn't be bothered.  Doesn't help though if they deliver it there and then pick it up again a day later to take it somewhere else. 

 

The time they claimed they couldn't find my house, they actually sent my order back to the seller.  I was pretty pissed off about that one.

[kiplette 8,294]

3 minutes ago, LeonG said:

Doesn't help though if they deliver it there and then pick it up again a day later to take it somewhere else

 

Well, wild goose chase springs to mind 

 

My worst was having to go 3 times over as many days to the bizzaro little place that had kidnapped my parcel, to be greeted with a slightly different story each time, but no-one actually suggested that I go to another Ort to fetch it, just that it was having a wee trip aroung Niedersachsen because I had not been there to welcome it on time. 

[evildudette 2,276]

My favourite one was when I was waiting for important legal documents that I had to sign for. They didn’t come and I got notice that it had been delivered to a packstation, but not which one. I then went to 5 or 6 trying to find out where the damn thing was.

[katheliz 17,874]

Not so much a flummox as a vent.

[AnswerToLife42 2,484]

If you live in Ontario it's wise to drop your girlfriend/boyfrind after 2 years and 364 days, other wise it can get expensive!

https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/no-home-or-kids-together-but-couple-still-spouses-appeal-court-rules

 

Unmarried Ontario couple had no children and no house but man must still pay support, appeal court rules

A wealthy businessman will have to pay more than $50,000 a month in spousal support for 10 years to a woman with whom he had a long-term romantic relationship even though they kept separate homes and had no children together, Ontario’s top court has ruled.

Under Ontario law, an unmarried couple are considered common-law spouses if they have cohabited — lived together in a conjugal relationship — continuously for at least three years. But that doesn’t necessarily mean living in the same home, the court found.

 

“Lack of a shared residence is not determinative of the issue of cohabitation,” the Appeal Court said. “There are many cases in which courts have found cohabitation where the parties stayed together only intermittently.”

 

In the long run prostitutes are cheaper!

[LeonG 14,535]

4 hours ago, AnswerToLife42 said:

If you live in Ontario it's wise to drop your girlfriend/boyfrind after 2 years and 364 days, other wise it can get expensive!

https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/no-home-or-kids-together-but-couple-still-spouses-appeal-court-rules

 

Unmarried Ontario couple had no children and no house but man must still pay support, appeal court rules

A wealthy businessman will have to pay more than $50,000 a month in spousal support for 10 years to a woman with whom he had a long-term romantic relationship even though they kept separate homes and had no children together, Ontario’s top court has ruled.

Under Ontario law, an unmarried couple are considered common-law spouses if they have cohabited — lived together in a conjugal relationship — continuously for at least three years. But that doesn’t necessarily mean living in the same home, the court found.

 

“Lack of a shared residence is not determinative of the issue of cohabitation,” the Appeal Court said. “There are many cases in which courts have found cohabitation where the parties stayed together only intermittently.”

 

In the long run prostitutes are cheaper!

 

However, according to the article, she quit her job, he supported her and her kids, paid off her mortgage and gave her a credit card, gave them a lavish lifestyle it says.  A conjugal relationship is also valid in Canada for immigration spousal sponsorship.  The partners only have to show that although they did not live together, they have lived as a couple, supporting each other emotionally and financially etc.  If she had continued her job, paid her own mortgage etc. and he'd been a cheapskate and kept his money for himself, it might have gone differently.

 

[LukeSkywalker 7,215]

Today, I watched Germans sitting outside a Greek restaurant under a parasol eating. It was raining, 13 degrees and they had big coats on. I guess I'm not Germanized enough :).

[Sannerl 2,436]

12 minutes ago, LukeSkywalker said:

Today, I watched Germans sitting outside a Greek restaurant under a parasol eating. It was raining, 13 degrees and they had big coats on. I guess I'm not Germanized enough :).

 

Well - Munich and Ireland have that in common: Rain is "Irish sunshine"...

[theGman 3,458]

10 hours ago, LukeSkywalker said:

Today, I watched Germans sitting outside a Greek restaurant under a parasol eating. It was raining, 13 degrees and they had big coats on. I guess I'm not Germanized enough :).

 

I've seen it too. To be honest, I say good for them. The gastronomy sector is struggling hard and now they are finally able to open outside, the weather has decided to piss on their bonfire. The ones braving it are doing a good service I reckon.

[Tap 8,312]

9 minutes ago, theGman said:

 

I've seen it too. To be honest, I say good for them. The gastronomy sector is struggling hard and now they are finally able to open outside, the weather has decided to piss on their bonfire. The ones braving it are doing a good service I reckon.

 

I would love to go to a restaurant, but if I have to sit outside, I need it to be at least dry.  Things should get better over the weekend, so I'm living in hope!

[evildudette 2,276]

I went to a restaurant on opening night on Friday. It started raining and I got drenched, but I can tell you that I haven’t been that happy in months.

[katheliz 17,874]

How can people even listen to this woman, much less vote for her?

Talk about chutzpah!

[john g. 36,360]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/57304063

So Argentina has been stripped off the host role for the imminent Copa America - Covid everywhere... and the newly designated host is ..Brazil...

[fraufruit 39,983]

As always, I'm flummoxed as to why people take the energy to see who gave a greenie to whom and why they care.

[alderhill 1,088]

Not sure if this is better in the unhappy thread or here, but I need to vent!

 

Our next-door neighbour is in her early 80s, and is in declining health, but also depressed. 

 

She fractured a verterbrae several months before corona, and that has since led to several operations (spinal a few times, leg artery, heart), and an osteoporosis diagnosis. She's now on a walker. Her husband died several years ago, but her kids (and grandkids) all live locally. They are over often to help with stuff, and I've spoken to them too over the years... A couple months back the neighbour was planning to move into an assissted living sort of apartment, still largely independent, but with nurses nearby. Her daughters told me privately they were hoping she'd move in, because they were having a hard time keeping up with all her needs, practical and emotional. The daughters, who are genuinely caring and kind IMO and not just hoping to have cranky old mama out of their hair, both have their own different small businesses (well, one is quite large, a small local chain). Anyway, neighbour waffled for ages, as clearly it was a heavy decision. She told us she was going to go June 1st, but a few weeks later another neighbour said she wasn't afterall... Ultimately, I think she didn't want to accept that she was the sort of person who "needs" to be in that kind of place, when she does have her own apartment. I guess she feels she'll be parked at the bridge table in home's dining hall with a bowl of medicated applesauce at her side and that will be the end. All of this is peppered with declarations that life is so hard now, she'd be better off just dead, it should end before it is worse, she doesn't want to live her old age like this (it sucks, I agree -- she was a spritely 79 year-old, if a bit sassy in that blunt German way -- but is now, as she told us, officially partially handicapped). Corona has also killed the social lives for many, seniors included. I know the feeling. (FWIW, when speaking with her daughters I told them about her comments, and they have both said, yes, they know...it has been a theme with her for a long time, i.e. she has always/long been depressive)

 

How do we all know this? She has told us! Every chance she gets. What am I supposed to do? 

 

A couple days ago, I was working (still in home office) when she rang the bell and asked if I would come over, she had something she wanted to discuss. She has done this many times. Usually she has a pretense of a legit favour. Can I swap some heavy furniture around, fix the wires and internet connetion behind her TV as she can't bend down and doesn't know, use a screwdriver or hammer here or there. She has also gone on at least a dozen Kur and often asks us to collect her mail, water plants, etc. when she is gone. I don't mind all that at all, fine.

 

WELL THIS TIME, the day before she had just come back from another Kur, so I thought maybe she had made a decision to move again and wanted my input. But no. I was in the middle of working (from home, corona, etc) when she knocked, and she sat me down and said (pleaded/scolded?) that we (wife and I) need to be more social with her. Didn't know what to say at first. I mean, we try to be good neighbours. But we both work in the mornings, and I pick our son up from Krippe/daycare by 2pm. The next several hours are a whirlwind until he's asleep (9ish when we are lucky 10:30-11 when we're not, and he still wakes up often during the nights). We barely see our own friends enough, it is still corona too (she is fully vaccinated; we still not at all), and are both permanently behind on getting stuff done, both work-wise and household (don't look at our floors; sometimes I think the little sandbox on our terrace was a bad idea). Many nights we are just totally KO by 9pm.

 

Being neighbourly is nice and all, but what she wants is beyond our 'responsibility'. I was on the spot, and after a few moments of silence, she even said to me "Well, say something!?", I told her we can try to call in more, but we are both busy with work and our kid, and often are just tired more than anything... I tried to remain positive, but again she was constantly saying how it would be better if she just died, she can't decide anything, maybe the confusion is dementia, she is bored but she can't go anywhere easily, is a burden, etc. etc. (This is why the assisted living apartment would have been nice, non?)

She kept for me about an hour, the conversation turned to a more normal catch-up after, before I could peel away. Eventually I said I needed to go to the drugstore (true, had to forget about my work checklist for the day) for TP, diapers, etc and better get going before I have to pick up my son. She then asked if I would buy her some things too, including a couple food items. Urgh. I said I was only going to the drugstore and demurred. Among all our neighbours, inlcuding her, we have traded eggs, sugar, dishwasher tabs, once a lightbulb, bike pumps and garden tools, the city's special garbage bags, etc. and that's cool. But I do not want to get in the habit of doing shopping for her. I sympathize, but I can't take that on.

 

Her family wants her to go to "a home" because they are at their limits. We are at our limits. She is depressed because she needs so much help, but depressed that she needs to accept that help, meanwhile she is also in pain and I suppose a late life existential panic. I feel like all this will only make me try to avoid her so I don't get roped in more. 

[optimista 5,494]

5 hours ago, alderhill said:

Being neighbourly is nice and all, but what she wants is beyond our 'responsibility'.

 

I do not want to get in the habit of doing shopping for her. I sympathize, but I can't take that on.

 

We are at our limits.

 

Exactly. So set those limits. Tell her the above explicitly. She will not like it. But the alternative is that she will continue to take advantage of your good nature. And you will not like that. She may not hear what you said and take advantage of you anyway. If you let her.

 

Sorry for dishing out unsollicited advice. But I see quite a bit of octegenarians. And they can become quite ruthless.

[optimista 5,494]

5 hours ago, alderhill said:

She kept for me about an hour, the conversation turned to a more normal catch-up after, before I could peel away.

 

Looks like she is in control. How about you asserting your own needs?

[fraufruit 39,983]

She has family. Not your problem.

[RedMidge 6,488]

Talk to her family- they need to have a discussion with Mum, the whole family, and her MD. 

Explain  your feelings about  their Mother putting pressure on you,  Sounds as if she is trying not to move-  not unusual for any older persons. Fear of moving, losing independence.  But this is not your problem, this needs to be addressed by her obviously caring family.

As optimista says- be firm and set limits.  You sound a caring neighbour, but you can be drawn into a difficult relationship here.

[optimista 5,494]

I am sure you will heed this advice for your own good. Just one more thing about the shopping though. Do not do this. Seems so harmless if you are already in the Rewe and doing your own. However, I have seen it get very ugly when previously normal oldies forget to pay the shopper. Or are convinced they did pay when they did not. Unfortunately, this is how it rolls in real life. Anything can happen after 80. Things can go very peculiar, if they weren't already.