Dating expat English speakers in Munich

[AquaticMeringue 269]

 

I am married to a German and I can tell you that language is most definitely a problem. The problem is that the meaning is hidden by what and how it is spoken. This brings confusion and a clash of culture. The only way through it is to have patience and understanding.

That's true - however it's also true of different native English speakers, if they come from different countries.

[Jeeves 41]

@IPJ You think? She shouldn't be surprised. It's an interesting subject (well to me anyway and obviously to enough others to provoke so many answers) and one that not only impinges on an important aspect of life as an expat but also goes down to a personal level that requires analysis. I have tried to generalise where possible...

 

Whatever, it's good to see that Eurovol seems to be on the same wavelength and that I'm not the only bloke who can empathise.

[mizbunce 0]

eurovol's exactly right. It's tiring trying to understand and be understood, especially when any two people, even who share a language, can have a hard time understanding eachother without the added complication. In my case, I don't have a choice. We're stuck with eachother. :-) Nor do I regret it at all because I think the rewards are worth it. But I can understand wanting to find oneselves stuck with somebody a bit easier. And I do really miss English conversation which is why I spent too much time reading TT posts. ;)

[ellewood 5]

i've been out with a few german blokes and last year said the same thing to myself: no more deutschies. was fed up of having to speak slowly (esp. when tired) and in teacher english. and also fed up of pulling my hair out in frustration when i had to rant and rave in german. argh!! at one point, it seemed like heaven to be able to go out with a native english speaker.

 

i'm sure there are other people who feel the same as me. and i'm sure there are loads that haven't got a clue what i mean.

[roots 59]

Personally, I still can't see why you can't learn both languages at least as a sign of respect for other's culture. I actually find it challenging.

 

Back in college I had an American girlfriend for 2 years and she learnt to read, speak and write hindi of all languages. If she could do it anybody can. If you don't know Hindi looks like what you see below.

 

[Kat 59]

The language barrier can also be good for a relationship, too.

I was married to a German who didn't speak English for seven years. The only reason the marriage lasted that long is because it took me 6 years to learn enough German that I could realise just how stupid and boring he was. :rolleyes:

[BadDoggie 1,575]

Roots: its's not a matter of learning the language, it's a matter of understanding. Jeeves nailed it before:

 

 

We're not talking about talking to colleagues here, nor shopping nor chatting about football in the pub. We're talking about relationships where inflections and nuances and references make a difference. We're talking about misunderstandings arising where neither partner is aware there is a misunderstanding until it's too late.

It's all the little nuances, the cultural references, the meanings of what isn't said -- something very different with Germans.

 

Most Yanks and Soviet Canuckistanis and even quite a few Brits, Aussies and Kiwis know what I'm talking about when I say, "Yeah, I feel like Laurie Partridge when she got her braces," or, "It's just like when Greg got his groovy pad." Krauts have no idea.

 

All the little interactions are different. Despite having been married to a Kraut for 8 years, I manage to unintentionally and unknowingly upset a female cow-orker at the bar. German women really are pretty schizophrenic. They want to be treated like ladies but are fiercely independent and "liberated". If you're helpful, "I can do that!" If you leave something for her to do, "You bastard! You could've helped me." It's cultural. Not having grown up with it, there's little hope of ever really grokking it.

 

OTOH, since I don't see me ever living in the US or UK again, so I'm pretty much going to have to accept these difficulties unless I meet someone who also isn't planning to go back to USia or UKia again.

 

At least I understand cats, and in two hours, I'll have one again. (((:

 

woof.

[BadDoggie 1,575]

kat: Ignorance is truly bliss? Maybe it's time to move to a different country. Hell, I'm seriously considering moving to Iceland and from what I've been told so far, the women there are painfully clear and direct, and at the same time, may well make me long for the "simplicities" of what's here .

 

woof.

[Toronto 791]

Just one post before I pack up and leave for my big conference in Italy (and meet some gorgeous Italians).

 

I've dated various different cultures, and from experience, its not the culture they are from, but the age, maturity AND the situation.

 

@ Lisl (the original topic starter)

You can't generalize Germans and say they are "commitmentphobes" because MEN in general are commitmentphobes. And the reason they are commitment phobic is because...THEY DONT LIKE YOU ENOUGH TO COMMIT.

A man who really wants you will climb mountains to keep you, whether its to learn your language or to relocate. The only way for a man to be "cured" from commitmentphobia is to fall head over heels in love (not lust). If they stray, its because they are still looking for "the one" and you aren't it.

 

..dont generalize the culture...there will be assholes from Germany, the UK, America, Canada, Austrailia, Italia, Paris, India, Africa, China, Mongolia, Brazil, Russia..etc.etc...AND there will be the ones that are sweethearts too...they just have to like you enough to be "cured"!

 

Happy Dating!

[Toast 5]

sounds like somebody's been studying up...

 

[Toronto 791]

@toast.

Nope, didn't need a movie to tell me that. Having your delicate little heart stomped on for many many many years by many many different guys (well not that many...) teaches you the hard way.

[BadDoggie 1,575]

Toronto, women are just as often the stompERS as they are the stompEES.

 

In my case... always.

[Toast 5]

@toronto

not a movie. it's a book that seems to have been on the ny best seller list for a while. i guess there's a lot of money to be made in common sense. go figure.

[roots 59]

 

there will be assholes from Germany, the UK, America, Canada, Austrailia, Italia, Paris, India, Africa, China, Mongolia, Brazil, Russia..etc.etc.

He he he, count us nice Indians out. No wait. You are right. We are in.

 

By the way what is Paris doing among the list of countries? Do you think all the assholes in France moved to Paris? or did Paris become a separate country when I was out for dinner this evening?

[eurovol 126]

Roots, everyone knows that all the a-holes live in Paris. That is the commitmentphobic capitol o' the world. In Paris, your either gay (that is why they call it gay-Paree) or your a commitmentphobe A-hole.

 

As for the book, "he's just not that into you", well, it is a sex in the city thing. Written by a whiny woman (have you read some of the stuff she complained about before she was enlightened!) with the backing of a traitor male. The problem is they are still talking about LOVE and not sex! The show is called "sex in the city" not "love in the city!". That is the other thread on here about the differences. Come to think of it, many threads lately seem to merge into the same category. I wonder? Maybe I should post a poll???

I also wonder if anyone would have read that book in the first place if it wasn't sex and the city related? Or if the guy himself wrote it? Do you think that a girl would take advice from a guy?

There is a book written by Dr. Laura. She is a bit of a twit, but hell, she has learned (she is now over the emotional baggage age) that in the relationship a woman should try to get her fill. Now that is a book the women should be reading.

 

The problem is not so much that women are fed up with Germans or any other nationality, the problem is that they are not finding LOVE. That is not the guys fault. The woman wants to much because they watch to many talk shows, read to many magazines and watch "Sex in the City" type shows. Face it ladies, if you spent half the time making your man happy as you do on crap psycho babble, you would get what you wanted in the first place.

 

Girls need snuggles, guys need hand/blow jobs while being snuggled-that is love.

Girls need an orgasm, guys need excitement, both can be accomplished and that is sex!

 

You will see here that in both cases the guy does not get blue balls and the girl gets what she needs. That is the secret!

Guys will listen to all your whiny problems while you get him off no matter what language you speak. Really, it works!

 

Girls, you will not find a guy who isn't gay to be your BEST friend. Don't try! Do your best friend thing with another girl who speaks your language. In female language- "When Harry Met Sally", nuff said.

 

If you have problems communicating, don't let the sex fall off to the side. That will only cause more problems. Guys need re-assurrance that you are still interested. Saying that I am still interested is not as powerful as going down on him. Guy language is not that hard. Speak it and your communicating just fine. To a guy, actions speak louder than words.

 

If you wait for the guy to do what you want, you might as well wait until hell freezes over. We do not have a clue because we do not know what talk show or article you read today that convinced you that we were bad! Get the idea!

 

Stop that shit and do us and yourself a favor, learn the first rule of Man/Woman! We give you snuggles, you give BJ!

 

Root's previous post was not off-topic at all. When communication fails, sex fails. That is the killer to most relationships. Female thinks that she is not being appreciated enough, withholds the goods, guy gets pissed and looks for other sources of pleasure. I gaurantee you that no matter how tired a guy is (he could even fall asleep during the act) he will always appreciate the effort and be willing to reciprocate.

 

When you get tangled up in mis-communication, female withholds the goodies and the guy gets wondering eyes. Not that hard really, just the facts m'am, just the facts. :ph34r:

[Toast 5]

 

(have you read some of the stuff she complained about before she was enlightened!)

*while i realize that this may not have been written at me, i'd just like to state that i haven't actually read this book. i just happen to be home right now & i keep hearing about it.:)

[eurovol 126]

toast, I wasn't implying anything against you. Females in general read such books and get all screwed up in the head. Guys are not that complicated. The trick is to keep them intertained once they have committed to you. Do your job and they will do theirs. Everything in between can be problematic, just don't let it spill over into phantasy life.

Once that happens, the whole thing is lost.

[Eleanor_Rigby 17]

@eurovol

 

As much as I hate to admit it, your words ring true!

[jpp888 3]

It could also have something to do with the language barrier. If you try to pick someone up speaking english to them, they act differently than if you pick them up using german.

 

Not so much with the way people act, but the kind of people you get. If you speak german to them, then they will have something to do with you only if they are genuenly interested in you (this goes for Russia as well).

 

The relationships where you speak to them in their native language is harder to start, but is more longer lasting. If you use english to pick them or they use it to pick you up it is more superficial and they arent really interested in you as a person, but more your financial status or the ability to practice english with you.

 

Take a look around the military bases at the german women who go after the soldiers and you will know what i meain!

 

Not meant to generalize, but this is in most cases the situation...

[Darkknight 2,305]

Geeee and I thought it was just about sex...

 

Who said they/you were looking for long time relationships..