Dating expat English speakers in Munich

[tuca 4]

from the book "Things my girlfriend and I have argued about", by Mil Millington

 

(note: he is English, she is German)

 

 

he: I know what you're doing.  Don't think I don't know.  Just because skiing is the only thing you're better than me at, you're rubbing it in.

 

she:  There isn't enough daylight left to list the things at which I'm better than you.  In fact, even the thing you 've practised the longest and most diligently -- masturbation -- I'm clearly better at, or you wouldn't ask me to do it for you, would you?"

not the best book, but a quite funny one.

[ellewood 5]

i'm going to stand up for Lisl here. her post is quite straight forward (from a woman's perhaps more sensitive approach to the world hoho.)

 

relationships with german men piss her off. speaking english with german men pisses her off.

 

two fair points really. :P

[Jeeves 41]

Hmm well I believe I understand where she's coming from too. And I'm not aware of having a woman's view of the world...

 

I think there are two groups of people not understanding here. There are those who don't want to understand or are just being awkward, and those who need to have been there themselves in order to see the point.

 

I agree, it's pretty straighforward really.

[interplanetjanet 177]

I too see her points, but the one thing I disagree with is the hangup about speaking English with a German partner. Speak German with him and, when you feel like it, speak English with him. There's no sense in having so much pride that you won't talk to someone in your own language when it's more comfortable and you spend lots of time speaking German anyway.

[Jeeves 41]

@IPJ I don't believe that pride comes into it.

[interplanetjanet 177]

Then what's the problem speaking English with the Germans if they speak it?

[Kza 49]

Oh theres threads upon tedious threads about that topic, lets not start another one.

 

Some people get pissed off when germans speak english to them, and some dont.

[Topsy 35]

depends how good your german is - if you're fluent, then it's a bit of a pain in the arse to have to speak english with them

[bludger 104]

Assuming their English is worse.

[Gen 2,454]

because it's annoying. See this thread: "Germans refusing to speak German with you, How annoying is that?" which is closed btw

[Jeeves 41]

We're not talking about talking to colleagues here, nor shopping nor chatting about football in the pub. We're talking about relationships where inflections and nuances and references make a difference. We're talking about misunderstandings arising where neither partner is aware there is a misunderstanding until it's too late.

 

Edit: Topsy has a point, it's a lot of effort. But it's not so much the talking German that's an effort nor the listening to a German speaking English, it's the effort of double-checking that you have understood each other.

 

Another edit: IMHO Kza has missed the point completely. Sorry but this has bugger all to do with that thread. Not that I want to put words into the original poster's mouth.

[roots 59]

Any couple that cannot sort out a lousy language problem do not deserve to be together. I can think of much worse things in a relationship. Learn each other's friggin language and move on.

[Jeeves 41]

@Roots Quite right. Although I'd just say they don't belong together. They could well deserve each other...

[interplanetjanet 177]

That other thread is irrelevant, because that's referring to interactions with complete strangers. I don't see why anybody in a bilingual relationship (and I'm not - at least insofar as American and Australian English are the same) would want to speak only one language to one another. Why not speak both? Perhaps I misunderstood, but I got the impression that she didn't want to speak ANY English with a German partner.

[Jeeves 41]

Shame she's not online coz I'm finding myself saying what I think and believe that she thinks and it's getting conjectural.

Perhaps I misunderstood too, but I got the impression that she's been there and done that and has decided that it just ain't worth it. Which if true is something that I can understand, if not go along with in practice myself.

[Kza 49]

I learnt German from a Polish girl I went out with for a few months who didnt know any English. And the misunderstandings just made it more fun, we had a lot of laughs. Most of the German girls I have been out with have had better English than my German so everything was in English. A couple of times though, my German was better than their English so we spoke German.

 

So yeah, I think what works best is that one thats most effective for communication. Which will be the one that the non-native speaker is most competant in.

[interplanetjanet 177]

@Jeeves

 

Perhaps you're right. You'd be more likely to immediately see that, since I've never dated a German.

[Jeeves 41]

@Kza I'd agree with that too, as long as you're prepared to take the rough with the smooth.

 

No reason not to use one language or the other depending on the circumstances. You can switch in the course of a conversation or even in the middle of a sentence. It can work that each speaks their own language (you do get some funny looks if you do that in public).

 

And misunderstandings can be funny, no doubt, but as I say you have to work out that there has been a misunderstanding in the first place before it's too late.

[eurovol 126]

I am married to a German and I can tell you that language is most definitely a problem. The problem is that the meaning is hidden by what and how it is spoken. This brings confusion and a clash of culture. The only way through it is to have patience and understanding.

 

I figure Lisl's experience had to do with one or both of them lacked the desire to have patience and understanding. When you are tired from work, life, etc...those things are hard to come by. Sometimes, you just want to not have to do that to have a conversation. It can be tiring. Especially when you don't have good friends to turn to to get a break from the two language daily grind.

[interplanetjanet 177]

Boy, will she be surprised when she logs back on to see how much she's been psychoanalyzed. :P