Tip of the day

1,574 posts in this topic

Put alcohol in a bottle of cough syrup so you can secretly take shots at work without anyone noticing.

Added bonus, everyone will think you're ill so won't interact with you.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Do not go to Oktoberfest, get blackout drunk with your brother in law, call your sister in law a bitch and make her cry, get lost from the group you came with and somehow make it back to your hotel many hours later with no reccolection of how you got there. You might wake up many hours later with your very angry German wife hitting you with a hard cover book trying to wake you so she can chew your ass. 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Post your Christmas cards to your neighbours at 3.00 a.m. to avoid having to talk to them.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When newly learning the German language, do not repeat what your German step-father called you once or twice to someone you have just met.

 

"Du Affe!" - Doesn't go down too well.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Show your children the true meaning of Christmas by simply having your credit cards bills addressed to them in January.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Buy yourself something nice for Christmas, wrap it up and put it under the tree. You're guaranteed to get something you wanted.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Piss off street mime artists by simply miming putting a £20 note into their upturned hat.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, toBnruG said:

Buy yourself something nice for Christmas, wrap it up and put it under the tree. You're guaranteed to get something you wanted.

The anti-secret Santa...

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Berliners.  Give the pavements a festive feel by simply feeding your dog some glitter with it's food.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(To be read in conjunction with Twat of the Day)

Fathers.  Remember that you don't have to be the perfect example to your children; you can also function as a hideous warning.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been to Liverpool, it's a shithole.  "Never walking alone" is actually pretty good advice.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Old grease stains become fresh and look like being new when you butter them regularly!

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Run out of festive wrapping paper, simply use some "Happy Birthday" wrapping paper and write "Jesus" on it.  Sorted.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Husbands.

Sing "Diamonds are Forever" around the house and wink at your wife suggestively.

That way, the hideous festive woollen jumper you've bought for her will be even more of a surprise.

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Here's a fun "Mrs Brown's Boys" drinking game.  Go to the pub half an hour before it starts and come home after they cancel the series.

 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Was your Christmas present to your wife a bit miserly, then make it up to her by simply signing her up to a Diet Club.  Watch her face light up!

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now