Tip of the day

1,760 posts in this topic

 

Talking of condoms – if you don’t want to turn your sex session into a laughing session then never buy those feather-light thin ones that get stuck on the end of your dick and wont roll on and you can't get them off and even when you try to pull if off it stretches and gets stuck even tighter.

Are you sure you weren't using Chinese handcuffs?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_handcuffs

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For Ash Wednesday:

Memento homo, quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris.

"Remember, O mortal, that you are dust and will return to dust."

That's a really inspiring thought.

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once again speaking of condoms...when throwing one into the trash make sure that it actually gets completely into the trash and not stuck to the bag within reach of a puppy. and don't let your mother go walking with said puppy and see him squeezing out a condom. now missy, you got some 'splaining to do. :huh:

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When carrying an ironing board make sure that the fold-out legs do not swing free and hit you on the nose.

P.S. I am American, can I sue the manufacturer?

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Never ever have an affair with a married man!! old tip of mine but still useful for others I guess.

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If you're dating the "devil" (think Fasching), be sure to bring an extra beer or two in your purse. Otherwise he'll begin drinking yours.

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P.S. I am American, can I sue the manufacturer?

No all EU ironing boards have an Idiot and American get out clause in the purchasing contract. Sorry SB.

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Don´t worry about the two long dusty bits as quoted by James Runner, have fun in between.

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if you are nervous about a Dental visit, and are going to sweat, then DON`T wear a thick sweater or a flannel shirt- you will spend the rest of the day smelling bad!

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If you are scared of the dentists make sure all appointmenrs are in the early morning.

 

You will not sleep the night before and will be more sedate as you will feel tired in the nice warm dentists room.

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If you are going on a first date with somebody who you find incredibly sexy but you don't want to appear to be a slapper by sleeping with him on the first date, do not, I repeat, do not leave your apartment in a disgusting mess and wear your granny knickers on purpose as a prevention method and then get extra horny on the date and take him back to your flat and shag him anyway. You might never see him again.

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If you are a woman, dont spend your time worrying about what your knickers look like because men don't really care. As someone once said - "it's what's on the inside that counts"

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In the above situation either turn off the lights or take them off in the loo.

 

Remember, you look a mess, he is still in your flat.

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My shopping tips:

 

Tip 1. Buy a case of Holsten pils this weekend. There's a special promotion. In each case, these a voucher for a lottery ticket. So you can get blinding drunk and still have hope.

 

Tip 2. Buy a smoothie at Kaufland supermarket for only 0.65€. The one I've just drunk contained :

 

5 Maracujas (which I hope is a fruit)

1/3 banana

1/5 apple

1/5 orange

1/10 mango

 

The coconut one tastes the best.

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At work when you park in the Frauenparkplatz and someone takes you to task over it just tell them it is your wife’s/girlfriend’s car and you're leaving it there for them. And say the reverse if they catch you on the way out.

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