Are you a desperate housewife?

230 posts in this topic

Ok, so here is the scenario.

 

You left your home, your family, your friends to move to a different country where you don't know anyone and don't even speak the language to be with a man that you "love" but who because of "work" is ALWAYS gone. (and quite honestly when he is home is not home because he is always off playing football, car shopping, or a couch potato and never...ever wants to talk to you.

 

So essentially you (an educated woman who can make a good life for herself on her own without this self-centered twat) have been brought to a foreign land and dumped off into a house, apartment,etc and made to feel like the hired help, and completely ignored by the man who is supposed to love and cherish you so that "he" may pursue his own career and leave you to rot. (untill he of course comes home and wants sex a hot meal..etc. )

 

My question is how do you guys..er girls in this case deal with this???

 

Has it gotten that bad when the chimney sweep man starts to look good just because he looks good and smiles sweetly?

 

How do you deal with not being able to find a job? Friends? Happy hour after work? A LIFE?

 

How do you stay sane, when you are full of resentment and boredom?

 

Am I the only one or has anyone else gone through this???

 

Please let me know I am not the only one...perhaps us gals can get together for a cocktail to bitch and moan!!

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Hey Ashley,

 

you are not the only one, there is out there at least me...and your scenario overlaps mine perfectly!

My approach: I left home for an eight month training far away from him and I am not going to go back. Now, I am trying to learn standing on my own feet, which is not quite simple after five years of mentally and emotionally being involved

In such cases, they react only to shock therapy, if at all...an electric chair would be recommended :ph34r:

I would love to join you for a cocktail to bitch and moan (jeee, I need those!), unfortunately, it happens to be just some 600km away!!

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Well, our chimney sweep's really cute...

 

Nope, you're definitely not the only one. Turns out that wife + mother is time-consuming enough, but just being a wife is not a good career choice for most of us. Too boring, too thankless. So I suggest you get busy. I went to Barcelona for a month and got a TESL certification (and I got to live in Barcelona for a month! Woot!). With that you can probably find work and not be so bored. Or take a bunch of German classes and look for a job in... whatever field you're educated in. Maybe the Arbeitsamt can help.

 

Or maybe take up recreational drinking.

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hey you are not alone. I am one too. gave up a really good job to follow him, now am stuck at home with the kids while he has the fantastic career and flies off evrywhere. He is never here and when he is, he is never here. it wont last forever.

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I'm so sorry that you're going through that! I also am an accidental houswife, I studied and would have had a career in the US but I can't find anything here. I get bored too, BUT luckily my husband is super attentive and supportive and wants to help me find a job, and encourages me to meet people. But, I think that's hard!! (Plus we've been married less than a year, so who knows how long this attention will last, HA) Anway, I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to let you know I'm frustrated and bored here too! And now I'm starting to question why I didn't insist the relocation go in the other direction. :( I don't know where in Rheinland-Pfalz you're located, but I'm in Westerwald, and if you ever want to get a drink and vent, I will be happy to be your partner!

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Hi,

 

I left a promising career, family and good friends to relocate here for good. I have had a couple of frustrating months here in Munich due to the breaucracy etc. I am dealing with the move by trying to keep busy i.e. taking German lessons, going to the gym and discovering Munich. I have also found some nice friends in the process which helps and keeps me somewhat sane.

 

My husband travels often too but I realize that I cant wait for him to do certain things to make me happier. I often have to motivate myself by reminding myself that I am responsible for my own happiness and go out and try to do stuff that makes me happy.

 

Also I have to remind myself that I relocated to be with him and it was my choice and mine alone, therefore I have to make the best out of it. Lots of time I get lonely, depressed and afraid that I am never going to find a job but I constantly have to pick myself up. For me what helps is having friends and in some ways that helps to put things into perspective.

 

I hope you will find your way around this as its never easy to relocate and start all over again. The only thing of comfort that I can say to you is that you are not alone! If you need to talk or meet up (although I have no idea where you are!) send me a PM.

 

Take care and hugs :)

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Desperate? Probably a good description, but like Joan, I've done the same.

Like her, I made this choice, I have to be patient.

But so is my hubby. He's been supportive because he's ready to move on too. Otherwise, I would have given up.

We're hoping within 5 months, we'll be closing the door and giving the key back to the landlord.

My desperation is temporary.

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Wow. I am not alone!

 

It is a shame that everyone is so scattered about.

 

I have an idea!

 

Perhaps we should have a yearly meeting at some posh resort where we can have happy hour 24 hours a day, get mani's & pedi's and a rub down from some hunky Swede named "Hans Allover". OoOOoo!

All at the expense of or husbands, of course. Anyone in? (The French Riviera is f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s dahlings!)

 

Really though, it was nice to hear back from all of you.

I was up late last night with a bottle of Lambrusco for company (note how the word "lonely" is misspelled, it was the wine!) and listening to sad songs. Good grief, what was I thinking!? I should have called the chimney sweep for an emergency cleaning! B)

 

It is really hard to adjust, especially when you know the grass IS greener on the other side of the pond! For those of you that jumped ship, I salute you! For those that are staying to tough it out, you are saints!

I just haven't been able to make up my mind which way I am going to go.

 

My heart just breaks everytime I think about where I could be...back home with my family and friends, with a posh job, an apartment that doesn't have an odd looking shelf toilet, happy hour with co-workers in a swanky D.C. bar...*sniff...sniffle*...going fishing with my Dad, shopping with my Mom...men who don't approach me with the pick up line of "Kann Ich dich ficken?" :blink: ...

 

Well, my sanity may be well gone but at least I still have a sense of humor. ^_^

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@Cardinal: I will have to find you on the map...recreational drinking is my favorite pastime!

 

Poor Katie Holmes...I'd cry for help if I was married to Tom.

I have always thought he had "little man syndrome!"

 

P.S. I am very serious about all of us going to a nice resort for a week/weekend! Nothing like hanging out with the girls!

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I'm no longer a desperate housewife, but I would love a resort weekend!

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men who don't approach me with the pick up line of "Kann Ich dich ficken?" ...

not sure how to link the actually post, but post 56 here.

 

German courtship etiquette

 

he didnt get very far then? :lol:

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Poor Katie Holmes...I'd cry for help if I was married to Tom.

I have always thought he had "little man syndrome!"

haha - yeah. I use to think she was hot until she hooked up with him.

 

Ashley have you sat down your hubbie and told him how you are feeling ?

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I love the idea of a girls weekend. Bring on the cocktails!! :D

 

I think being away from my girlfriends is what I miss the most about living over here. Meeting for drinks and long chats, over analysing everything...and laughing until it hurts.

 

Pick a time and a place, I'll be there!

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Much as a jaunt down to the French Riviera sounds enticing, perhaps we could try something a little closer to home for the first time. A gals weekend away - there must be enough spa resorts around in Germany to find something that would suit. Would make it a bit more feasible for those of us with young 'uns to consider!

@ Bluedave: Curious to hear a males take on this thread. Just another bunch of whinging women who need "to pull themselves together" or a genuine understanding of why the role of "Hausfrau" for many women of our generation just doesn't have the appeal it had say 20-30 years ago. Don't want to start a gender argument - am genuinely interested to know what guys - perhaps some of you in exactly this situation with an unhappy, frustrated partner at home because of your career aspirations - think? There are always two sides. Getting a male take on this might just give us a Eureka moment!

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Having been a career person myself for 20 years I am now the accidental HausMann. Relocated here to Germany for my wife's career. My career is on hold for 3 years while I cook, clean, shop; take kids to school, etc.

 

I have up days and down days. This past week was difficult. I was left alone for the entire week while she traveled to the US for work. When I feel like I am missing out on my career I just go on-line and read over the relevant discussion forums for my profession and realize I'm not missing anything, except direct deposit. ;) It reminds me of how I used to bitch about work and traveling all the time and missing my kids growing up. I remind myself that the situation is temporary and that most people would kill to live in Munich for a few years.

 

Being a parent overseas and not knowing the language can make for a struggle at times, but in the end it's much better for the family than the two career track family we had in the states.

 

I don't know what to say about your German husband, just let him know how you feel. If he chooses to spend his free time with his buddies then you'll know how to spend your time on your European vacation on his dime. :lol:

 

I wish you the best of luck and try focusing on the positives.

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When I first came to Switzerland, I had no German and was feeling completely lost. My husband travels a great deal and we have no children, so I'm alone a lot. I was lucky that the local baker's wife was also a Canadian expat, and she got me involved in the local choir. Don't really need to know the language to sing, and it sure helps with pronounciation. Folks in the choir were quite friendly and warm, and we all laughed when I first discovered the German "h". (Germans use an "h" instead of a "b" for the names of notes, so their scale goes ahcdefg!) It was also a quick way to make friends and get integrated into the community. Soon I was getting invitations to various parties and festivals where I got to meet even more people. If Hubby was home then he'd come along, but otherwise I just went by myself.

 

Then I got involved helping out at an English kindergarten run at the local evangelical church. The kids were all Swiss, but the parents liked the idea of the kids getting a head start in English. So for a while I got to sing and act silly with toddlers in English, and it really helped to cheer me up. Hard to be depressed when you're doing the Hokey Pokey <LOL>

 

I would encourage folks who are feeling lonely and have a lot of free time on their hands to get out there and volunteer. There's lots of stuff that needs to be done that doesn't require fluent German. It will give you a sense of accomplishment, help you meet new people, and definitely improve your language skills. And best of all, many volunteers are quite warm and kind by nature, or they wouldn't be helping out in the first place. So you often get to meet really great folks who are only too willing to give you a hand with the daily little problems that you run into when you're alone in a strange country. Volunteering can also help you network and finally find a job.

 

When we moved here to Germany, I had to start over. It was a little tough going through it all again, but at least my German skills were much improved and I felt confident enough to venture out without constantly keeping a firm grip on my phrase book. Then we got a dog, and we joined the local dog club. Being part of a group or club is great for meeting new people, since you've already got at least something in common to break the ice.

 

So whether it be volunteering, or joining a choir, or becoming a member of a club, you don't have to sit at home feeling lonely. Get out there and become a part of something.

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Well, our chimney sweep's really cute...

So funny!

 

 

Desperate?

Nope! None of those below descriptions of desperate apply to me.

 

des·per·ate (debreve.gifsprime.gifpschwa.gifr-ibreve.gift) adj. 1. Having lost all hope; despairing.2. Marked by, arising from, or showing despair: 3. Reckless or violent because of despair: 4. Undertaken out of extreme urgency or as a last resort: 5. Nearly hopeless; critical: 6. Suffering or driven by great need or distress.7. Extremely intense:

 

I'm very married. However, I don't consider myself a housewife and I'm not desperate either. But I do have a hubby who works outside of Europe for eight months out of the year. So eight months out of the year he's a voice on the phone. I've been at this for over ten years now and I'm having the time of my life. I have no family here and most of my friends are in the States. I have only a few friends here in Germany. There's no boredom here. I could have even more fun if I were more fluent in German, but this hinders me to only a certain extent. How I spend my time is not taking care of children as we don't have any and never will. I have lots of interest and I've learned over the years that it's ok to be alone and I feel very comfortable being alone and doing things by myself. The key for me is to keep busy doing something to preoccupy my time in a productive way. Today I was in Wiesbaden and Frankfurt shopping and getting my hair done. I'm in Berlin on Monday for a concert; later this month I'm sailing in the Caribbean for a week; and in January I have a ball in Vienna that I will be going to stag. Without my husband I still have to live my life to the fullest and that's what I'm doing and loving it and living in Germany suits my lifestyle very well. If you would like to meet up sometime just PM me.

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