How to legally annoy your neighbor

108 posts in this topic

Dog poo wrapped up in newspaper. Cover in lighter fuel. Place on his doorstep. Light it ring the bell and run.

 

A classic from my childhood.

 

Put an add for "Erotic massages from kim Asian 19 year old." in the local newspaper. With his phone number obviously.

 

Invite ten guys dressed in black to come round and go round to his place to complain about his attitude.

 

Wait till it gets colder. Pour water on his step to the door. Should freeze well.

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I used to live below a bloke who used to snore like hell and wake me up. Was terribly annoying - not the gentle snoring type ... the great big roaring type. I wanted to sort it but couldnt figure out how until I laid my hands on his phone number. As soon as he woke me with his snoring I would call his number (dialling that prefix to block my number) and let it ring until he answered. By the time he started snoring again i was well and truely fast asleep!

 

What about a caar bumper sticker ... something along the lines of 'Honk if you think Im a prat!' Chances are he wont notice it and the entire english community of Munich will honk their horn at him.

 

I really like the lights idea. Or flags is another good one. Get patriotic on him.

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I'm just reminded of the neighbour opposite us who was a real old twat.

 

There is a sign the opposite side of the road saying you are not allowed to park on the opposite side of the road as it causes an obstruction. He made a sign including the number of the german regulation. Sadly for him it's bollocks as the road is wide enough and the council said he was talking pants.

 

To make it better on the first night we stayed in the house (New Years Eve as it happened) he left a nasty little note on the car saying parking opposite was ignorant. I not very politely pointed out to him what ignorance was the next day and park deliberately opposite from then on. I also pointed out what driving lessons might do for him :P

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Did you ever hear about the game 'shite alight'?

 

You take one freshly produced, it has to be said at this time of year the game works best non-frozen, dog poo of the most generous proportions you can find. Scoop and place carefully in the middle of a piece of newspaper, best two or three sheets together. Bring these sheets together around the poo into a cone above your chosen excrement, fold together at the top and make some cuts in the sides of the paper. When your target isn't looking place your paper-poo creation carefully on the door mat and set fire to the cuts in the paper. Ring his doorbell and depart, swiftly, but only to a place from which you can observe him emerge in his slippers, which he surely owns, see the burning cone and attempt to stamp it out. Try not to give your position away by laughing too hysterically at whatever may happen next.

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Edit the Wiki page on "Alien Abductions" to include the neighbour in the "Notable abduction claims" section and then create an article dedicated to his "abduction", including his whereabouts. Sit back and watch the freaks roll in. Develop thick skin for freaks hanging round your house too. Hone Taser skills. Install gun-turrets to dissuage neighbours fans from getting too close during abduction season.

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oo not sure where you get stink bombs here?

you could also put a whoopee cushion in your coat pocket (they sell small self-re-inflating ones in the kids' dept in Kaufhof) then just let off loads of loud 'farts' when he's around.

 

PB's Küblbock idea is good, I'd also recommend Britney's annoying Gimme Gimme song played over and over again loudly against a mutual wall (as my neighbour does) it's terribly annoying.

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Oh my, what a selection. You guys are evil. I like you all very much. :)

 

My snowman didn't go over so well ... he was smushed this morning. The little flag was a soggy mess in the snow. So, obv this means war.

 

BTW, I checked on the satellite dish and you can have one but only if you are not able to receive at least two channels on cable or terrestrial in your native language. Which I do. Meh.

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He smushed your snowman?!? What an evil cranky bastard. What kind of a jerk tramples happy, patriotic snowmen??

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Can't find one. Think I'll have to go with the big lighted guy for 24,95...

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BTW, I checked on the satellite dish and you can have one but only if you are not able to receive at least two channels on cable or terrestrial in your native language. Which I do. Meh.

Who told you that?

 

It's in German, but it seems to be quite wishy washy at the moment. If they try to make you take it down, at the very least, it will be a lot of effort and time wasting for them, and you'll probably still be allowed to keep it in the end.

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I cant believe he destroyed your snowman, good on you for making it though.

I would rebuild it if you can, but use a house brick as an armature.

Alternatively, build it round a blown up balloon so at least he will get a fright when he squishes it again.

Every time he knocks it down, buld another, but nearer to his house.

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Hi Mia,

If the snowman suggestion fails, then I can lend you one of these from our halloween party.

post-1341-1195213562_thumb.jpg

I could do you one with his name on it if you like.

 

Derek

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