How to legally annoy your neighbor

108 posts in this topic

Special brownies laced with dope or acid would be an apalling waste of good drugs.

 

But laced with laxative. Ahhh now that would hit the spot.

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Wind chimes that hang between your doors? You could also get a really long, annoying doorbell that plays 2 minutes of some terrible bell choir, point the speaker at his wall and encourage people to ring it. Postmen, delivery people, etc.

 

Sometimes you can really irritate people just by being super friendly, too. Now THAT's fun, because they really can't do anything, and they just get angrier and angrier while you just get more and more cheerful. Bake some totally weird cookies shaped like smiling boots, and then sing him a sleepytime song when you bring them over. Just totally go apeshit weird on him, he'll hate it.

 

Or every time you see him, just suddenly strike a really totally weird pose. I've done this and, yes, you have to be willing to look like a total ass but oh dear lord is it funny.

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@ Derek: not being an artist myself, i think an army of snowmen pointing and laughing is a bit beyond my skill level. i'll just go with one obnoxious one for now, since I don't have enough snow anyway.

 

@ Dan: hard to say, maybe 55 or 60? He's married, but she's a mouse.

 

@ Bipa: i like the lights idea...maybe i'll string them up about a thousand on my new wooden trellis. :)

 

@ Hazza: i checked with my landlady before and satellite dishes are not allowed on this house because of the way it faces. or something like that. but good one anyway.

 

@MadAxe: i think he'd be more than a little suspicious if I approached him with brownies. perhaps i can leave them anonymously...or tag them as from a different neighbor. but i think all the neighbors hate him so.

 

@ Fribble: windchimes might fall under that "noise" law but i'll have to look into it.

 

@shelley: would be cool but they have some in their garden, and stone cats and mushrooms already so i doubt it would bother him that much. :)

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A quick search here will show that, despite your landlord's rules, you are entitled to have a satellite dish in order to receive programming in your native language. Paint silly shit on it (you'll need special paints for this).

 

woof.

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In fact after a case a couple of years ago, it is legal for anyone to install a satellite dish, provided that it is completely within the bounds of the property they rent.

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really? are they expensive? i would get one but how would he see it on my side of the roof?

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secretly (at night time) throw a load of stink bombs on his pathway and doorstep. when he treads on them his shoes will pong for ages! can't be traced back to you either...

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Moonboot, what's a stink bomb? where can i get some? sounds exactly like the kind of thing he'd hate.

 

@Jamie: you got it!

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really? are they expensive? i would get one but how would he see it on my side of the roof?

It doesn't have to be on the roof. You can put it on a stand right next to his fence. I'm not sure how much a dish on its own costs, but there ads on TT from time to time.

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Maybe you could link his name and address on some gay or swinger website.

 

Admittedly this could backfire if they're already into that sort of thing.

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Once upon a time I knew someone with annoying neighbors...after many moons of many neighbourly infractions...my friends aquired a post WW2 anti aircraft search light...and hooked that up to a motion sensor...and pointed it at the perps bedroom window... B)

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Glad you like the idea.

You could also make lots of little snowmen, like the terracotta army, all pointing their fingers at his house and laughing.

Extending the middle finger would be my take on that, although a bit difficult technically.

 

About the whole anonymous spam mailing lists etc., I think though, the whole idea is to do something he knows you have done but can't do anything about it, isn't it? I mean, you want to bring him to ask you to stop please so you could say - OK, I will stop if you will too. Or is he that much beyond hope?

 

BTW: fun thread!

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Or every time you see him, just suddenly strike a really totally weird pose. I've done this and, yes, you have to be willing to look like a total ass but oh dear lord is it funny.

I am imagining ´Mia´ doing the "Walk like an Egyptian" at some grumpy old guy :)

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Superglue two euro to the garden path when the snow has gone. I can just see this bloke spending a lifetime trying to get it off the path. If you need the superglue I've got some and I would even supply the two euro.

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signed him up for a few (good ones) ... but then I got to thinking about the waste of paper and stopped.

Don't worry, if he really is

 

 

an anal German

he will recycle all of it.

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Is there a garden gate and if so does it have a handle or knob? If there is one smear it with vaseline and watch with glee as he gets his hand or hands covered with the stuff. He might have difficulty opening his own door as well.

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