How to legally annoy your neighbor

[Mia 1]

My next-door neighbor is a petty, miserable bastard who needs to be taught a lesson. I don't want advice about how to deal with him, because there is no dealing with him. He owns his 1/4 of the quattro house I live in so you can guess his attitude...any leaf trying to make it to the ground is shot on sight. If I hang my little umbrella on the fence between our front doors to dry, he puts it on the floor, as the fence is apparently his. I get typed letters about minutiae and dirty looks for nearly anything. This type of person.

 

What I really want now is to have fun with it instead of being stressed about him all the time. I'm looking for creative tips on how to annoy him, legally. Nothing malicious, just fun ways to make him fume. If you've been in a similar situation, what have you done and gotten away with?

 

This is my setup...we both live on the same side of a quattro house (house unevenly split into 4), our doors are about a foot apart and our entrances are separated by a steel fence that belongs to him. I have a small front porch and I think the area in front of the steps belongs to my apartment. He has to walk by my door, and my little garden area, to leave his house. Just in case this helps with your creativity.

[MichiS 39]

If you can bear it yourself put up "Gartenzwerge"

[BattalionBoy 18]

A hidden small speaker that emits farting and belching sounds that is motion sensor activated as he walks by.

Having one of those annoying dogs that bark incessantly is not breaking any laws either.

Also arrange house exchanges with some Rastafarians from Jamaica. You can have a nice vacation while he enjoys some really loud reggae music.

[Pas 8,131]

You could create an invite for a house party on a bullitin board and use his address. Probably best not to use this one as a lot will probably turn up and get pissed off at you.

[mrwilson 2]

leave "special brownies" for him on his door step.

 

or bake them with acid.

[Guest]

Is he an anal German obssessed with snow clearance? Then leave your path covered with snow and trail muudy footprints to your door. He can't do anything about that.

 

We used to live beneath Herr and Frau Bastard ourselves so you have my sympathy.

[Bipa 5,803]

Errr...well... I've heard... <grin> that you can sign people up online for free catalogues for various things. It doesn't cost any money, but then he maybe ends up on several interesting mailing lists. ;)

[Mia 1]

Thanks for all the fun ideas!

 

So is all of this actually legal? I'm positive there are laws regarding barking dogs (they may only bark for a short itme) and loud music (he's called the cops on my other neighbors for that). Plus I have other neighbors that are cool and I don't want to bother them.

 

About the snow thing, German law is "You must shovel and sand/salt your sidewalk between 7 a.m. and 8 p.m. If someone slips and breaks their leg in front of your house during this time, you will be liable." And I'm sure this guy would slip and break his leg, just to harass me.

 

@Bipa: We think alike. I've found this wonderful site "http://www.katalog-kiosk.de/" and signed him up for a few (good ones) ... but then I got to thinking about the waste of paper and stopped. Sigh.

 

If I knew where to get the ingredients for "special" brownies, maybe my neighbor wouldn't be bothering me so much. Unless you mean a different kind of brownie...then, do tell.

 

Keep the ideas coming! I feel better already. I love the motion-detector-farting-speaker. Does that really exist?

[MichiS 39]

 

Keep the ideas coming! I feel better already. I love the motion-detector-farting-speaker. Does that really exist?

At least there is one with a remotecontrol

http://www.esao.de/product_info.php?products_id=505

[Schotte 1,402]

I'm not sure how the law stands in this country really, but surely if you don't get caught, anything is legal? :D

[Guest]

When we were students we used to sign each other up for those FREEPOST things you used to see often in British newspapers.

 

I used to receive mail advertising incontinence pants and old people's stairlifts all the time!

 

Another one was dating agancies with people they found to fit an obnoxiouzs profile. Used to be sent lists of girls who were opera lovers or something like that.

[Mia 1]

MichiS, that link didn't work for me. It says "Product Not Found"...what was it called? Remote control would do fine!

 

Schotte, I guess so but if he can prove I did something illegal, then I'd be caught. For all I know he's got a webcam set up in his window.

[Derekbeggs 1,967]

Sorry to hear you also have a nutter next door, we used to have one too.

 

One suggestion would be two lines of snowmen, one either side of the path. you could then either have them wave little american flags at him as he passes, or give them adolf moustashes and one handed saluting ( this may not be quite so legal but funny ).

 

Another option, construct a cheap wooden trellis right next to "his" fence, but on your part and completely cover it in umbrellas, lots of them.

 

What else is legal, 20 bird feeders.

[Mia 1]

Derek

This should be your JOB!

 

Great ideas, all three are winners and totally legal. The fence idea...awesome, I'm doing it. And I'm going to start with one snowman right now...and make it obvious that it's a man, if you get me.

 

thx!

[DanHessen 2,963]

I love the smell of Nachbarkrieg in the morning.

[BadDoggie 1,526]

Take up a new instrument and practice until 9:59p.m., preferably something with reeds (clarinet, saxophone, bagpipes). You really ought to confront him about the fence however. Chances are he'll back the fuck down quickly if you go at him with an attitude for daring to touch your personal property. Hand him a bill for the dry cleaning of the umbrella that wouldn't have been necessary had it not been put on the floor. If you actually take the thing to be cleaned and then hand him the receipt he's obligated to pay.

 

woof.

[Derekbeggs 1,967]

Glad you like the idea.

You could also make lots of little snowmen, like the terracotta army, all pointing their fingers at his house and laughing.

[DanHessen 2,963]

How old is this guy? Is he married or live alone?

[Bipa 5,803]

He might get quite annoyed with twinkling Christmas lights. I have a strand 10 meters long that I can program to blink in 7 different patterns, or just stay on (boring). I first put it up in Switzerland and all sorts of folks would parade by to look at them. I found it just a few days ago while unpacking after our move, and will be putting it up on our new house. Can't wait to see how our new neighbours react to it

 

So go completely crazy and decorate your place with lots and lots of multi-colour lights!

[Hazza 5,458]

A great big satellite dish on your side of the property, but very visible to him. In fact get a few, all aimed in different directions.

 

Germans hate satellite dishes. As a bonus, you get to pick up extra TV channels.