Embarrassing mistakes made when speaking German

[Eupathic Impulse 335]

I once described a medical test as "mich probieren".

[LukeSkywalker 7,604]

During an internal move I praised a female colleague "Da hast du einen schönen großen Haufen gemacht." since she piled up a lot of her stuff on her desk. You also praise a small child with this sentence when he/she did a big poo. Another German colleague laughed out loud.

[TerryP 45]

OK. I've wasted a good hour of the government's money reading this and trying not too laugh too loud or too often!

 

Years ago, when I was in the I-only-know-one-word-for-any-given topic stage of Deutsch, I used the word "gekotzt" with the upper class parents of the the then-girlfriend I owe an apology to. Only after we left her parents' house did she tell me to use "sich uebergeben..." next time (sorry, no Umlaut on the US keyboard, too lazy to go look up the alt- combinations).

 

Predating that failure, I once mentioned seeing an "optische Taeuschung" which humorously translates quite nicely into English as "optical dillusion."

 

Moving into the this century, I had previously only known the word "geil" in its R-rated form. Imagine my surprise when I heard one of the guys at the glider club exclaim, "Das ist der Hammer. Total geil!" He's 25.

 

I often have to give great thought to auf- and ab- as in bergauf and/or bergab. I generally have to think of auf/up before I'm sure that ab- is down. A couple weeks ago I had taken time off from work for a week-long glider aerobatics course at historically-significant Wasserkuppe. Friday is test day. I don't do a great job on either the Aufschwung or the Abschwung. I hear on the radio, "Terry flieg die Abschwung wieder..." No surprise, the Abschwung was pretty bad. The Aufschwung that I flew right after that wasn't all that great either!

 

For those who care: Abschwung in (US) aerobatics is a split S (half roll followed by a half loop downwards). The Aufschwung is an Immelmann "turn" (half loop upwards followed by a half roll). I've never done aerobatics in the US, but I have done a lot in the UK. The vocab gets confusing: Turn (DE) = Stall turn (UK) = hammerhead (US)

 

Go figure.

 

Terry

[FrecheKerl 339]

Probably already been said, but I keep asking for "Spargel Wasser" instead of "Sprudel Wasser" at restaurants, etc. It never fails to get a laugh... :rolleyes:

[ganzgeld 940]

Reading the "Mistakes Germans make when speaking English" thread reminded me of a little gem I said the other day:

 

"Ich brauchte eine Abtreibung."

 

What I should've said was

 

"Ich brauchte eine Ablenkung."

 

Translation: What I wanted to say was, "I needed a distraction." What I said was, "I needed an abortion." Boy, did I feel like a jackass.

 

ETA: What made it especially stupid was that I was talking about playing my GerMan's new WiiU. Who knew they could do that too?? :ph34r:

[nichtsdestoweniger 44]

confusing Kirsche with Kirche: "Ich war in der Kirsche"

 

confusing Taschentücher with Handtücher and being led to the section where they sell towels when I just really badly wanted some tissues (I had a cold.. and runny nose)

[tokeshu 779]

I'd been here 5 months and had to attend a funeral, so not knowing what to do or say, I just thought I should mimic what I'd been hearing others say. Unfortunately, things got a little mixed with the paltry vocab I'd managed to acquire to that point.

 

I joined the line before the family of the departed and with my most earnest face on, proceeded to wish them all "Herzliche Beilage".

[nina_glyndwr 4,748]

Oh, Tokeshu... biggest laugh in a long time.

[tokeshu 779]

Nobody else laughed Nina, I can promise you that!

[Irish Lassie 3,007]

 

I joined the line before the family of the departed and with my most earnest face on, proceeded to wish them all "Herzliche Beilage".

 

Oh, dear of all times to make a mistake (I'm sure I would have had a fit of laughter if someone said that to me at a funeral though - I have a habit at laughing at the most inappropiate times - I guess it's just nerves or something)

 

 

confusing Kirsche with Kirche: "Ich war in der Kirsche"

 

Not a problem if you live in Berlin, they pronounce both more or less the same here anyway ;)

[RLBAUMAN 6]

Here's mine.

 

My second language is French, where the word for tail and queue are the same. I was watching a Western movie (Lonesome Dove) with a German coworker, where the opening scene is two pigs eating a rattlesnake.

 

I then proceeded to explain to him in careful detail how pigs can be useful in the SouthWest as they are known to find, kill and eat penises.

 

Yep.

 

Months later, I also informed him that I would be Ok for a while without furniture as I could also just shove my clothing into the duck.

 

(Ente versus Ecke)

[AKJeeper 30]

Here's mine - last summer, my Swiss gf was in Germany visiting her relatives in Osnabrück. She insisted that I call her on the weekend at her aunt and uncle's house. (Background: I have a bit of a phone phobia, so I generally avoid making phone calls - especially if I'm not sure my intended party will answer.) She scheduled a time to call so she could be sure to answer the phone (her aunt/uncle don't speak English), and what little German I know is self-taught.

 

So I made the phone call at the prescribed day/time, and her aunt answers the phone! Nervously, I pulled out some of my best Deutsche and say, "Hallo! Ich bin Darren...Ich möchte gern Astrid essen." Cue awkward silence, followed with laughter. Suddenly my gf's mother pops on the phone and says, "Darren..oh it is lunch time in Alaska, so you must be very hungry!"

 

Turns out, my gf was out jogging. I have NO idea why I got essen mixed up with sprechen. Oh well...it gives her family something to talk about at the dinner table.

[EuroFix 8]

I once managed to mixup Schmand und Schwanz...we were baking and my friends couldn't stop laughing. It took me a while until I realized my mistake ;-) Very embarrassing!

Also at the very beginning I asked a German male friend what was the end of the sentence "Du kannst mich mal..." he turned red and I knew it was bad...no Google back then.

[siskebap 331]

I once witnessed how somebady wanted to say "Ich bin empfindlich" = I am sensitive,

but was a little bit wrong spoken out and sounded like "Ich bin empfänglich" = I am receptive

[Conquistador 11,153]

This is only one of many, but when I was serving in the military I once said "Scheissbahn" instead of "Schiessbahn" (the latter means "shooting range").

[westvan 9,706]

And the first one is what you say when your train is late yet again.

[ayuanaur 76]

one day, I walked into work and my boss looked really, really stressed, so I said, "Wow, Christoph, heute schaust du so stressig aus!"

 

He looked at me a bit puzzled (I had started working there like a month ago) and then he started laughing.. so I said, "oh oh, du schaust gestressed aus!!!"

 

It´s not every day you tell your boss he stresses you...

[Dazzler82 29]

When I first came to Germany my conversational skills were limited to nodding and smiling to the odd word that I understood. My vocabulary was more or less limited to ja, nein, food and drink. So when my colleagues were having a conversation at lunch about Marmorkuchen (I thought it was Mamakuchen at the time), my ears perked up and my boss asked me if I understood and I replied "Ja, es ist so lecker". Cue puzzled faces.

 

They were talking about pregnancy and "Mutterkuchen".

 

Oh how they laughed!!

[arunadasi 7,074]

Today I made some Hummus for the neighbours and gave my landlady some in a small jar. I told her to use it up fairy quickly as it doesn't have any Preservative...

 

"WHAT???"

 

Big laughs all around

Of course , preservative means condom in German.

The right word would have been Konservierungsstoffe.

So, be careful, you English speakers!!!

[CelineF 20]

Our Putzfrau, a lovely Italian lady, comes every Friday morning and we pay her every week. As I didn't have any change on me I went to the bank as she was there, and told my boyfriend when he came back later from work that I went to withdraw some money for the Putzfrau and did the Ausweizung at the same time. He fell off his chair laughing - I didn't do the Ausweizung (expulsion/deportation.. of the lady) indeed, but got the Auszug for our Konto!

 

Also a couple of minutes ago I wanted to buy some Schwanz for a Mexican Dinner... (Ole...) Some Schmand maybe? yeah let's go with Schmand.