Madeleine McCann jokes

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STOP PRESS STOP PRESS

 

Uri Geller aka cunt drafted in to find Maddy.

 

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Uri Geller pictured yesterday using a stand-n-tan.

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I'd draw a big cock. Easy to draw, and, it has to be said, easy to visualise (especially for me arf arf etc).

Well, you have seen so many!

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Jimbo has never seen many cocks very well though - he's a gent, and takes his glasses off before sucking my piece, which might hinder him in an optical sense, but means I don't ever get any pubes caught in that hinge bit on the glasses where the lenses bit meets the ear resting bits. That can really bring tears to your eye I tell you. Nasty.

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Talking about cocks, didn't the FBI try and get Uri Geller to prove that he could stop the heart of a pig?

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I've just bought some new glasses actually. Got some sunglasses too. And let's be honest, I'm a pretty big cunt at the best of times, but roof down, suit on, shades on, cruising around London and the home counties, there are few people that look more like a cunt than me.

 

Anyway, I've just checked, and the hinge on these looks nasty. Though I could probably put duct tape around that bit.

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Talking about Fern Britton, massive tits. Her husband is well skinny aswell, I bet each one of her boobs is the same size as the bulk of his torso. I reckon she's probably a right bit of sauce aswell. Has she ever done porn? I'm off to google, and subsequently, potentially, have a wank.

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Oh lower the tone of it why don't ye. I still reckon Mr. Chips took Maddie. It's the kind of thing he'd do, being a consummate cunt. But like Hasselhoffs colon, he managed to get away with it.

 

On a more humanitarian note, it would be nice if this litle girl turned up alive. Unlikely, but Fern Britton did lose weight, so there's hope yet.

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Lost weight cos she had a gastric band fitted. She hasn't done any porn but did present Soapstar Superstar which sucked big cocks...

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Mr. Chips wouldn't get involved in something like that - he'd make Roy do it for him. Has anybody searched Walker's gaffe? Has anybody noticed that that Robert Murat is an anagram of 'Batter Rumor'? It's a conspiracy - Mr Chips, Roy Walker and the Illuminati have got her. She may even be the Holy Grail (according to the Daily Mail and Express she almost certainly IS the Holy Grail. Well, her or Lady Di).

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And Madeleine McCann is an anagram of Nice Clean Madmen which is clearly a reference to the Illuminati.

 

And the All Seeing Wonky Eye. Well, it makes perfect sense doesn't it?

 

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Talking about cocks, didn't the FBI try and get Uri Geller to prove that he could stop the heart of a pig?

Yeh, he tried but then realized Nixon didn't have a heart...

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And Madeleine McCann is an anagram of Nice Clean Madmen which is clearly a reference to the Illuminati.

 

And the All Seeing Wonky Eye. Well, it makes perfect sense doesn't it?

 

post-8-1242292602_thumb.jpg

Careful Keydeck - the FBI will be looking for you RIGHT NOW. Call David Icke and go into hiding - the lizard men won't be far behind you!

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You can all hold each others hands.

 

On the way... toooo HEEEELLLLLL!!!

 

Yeah the devils got a dildo with ya name on it

He gonna take it out the cupboard for you

He grease it up like a Sunday roast

And stick it in the place you pooh.

 

He gonna stick it there for an eternity or twooooooo.

 

Beadle for a roommate

Britton for a bed

Minipops on heavy rotation

On the headphones in your head.

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Jesus PB, even Roy would look upon that one aghast.

 

"Damn you Chips" he'd say "Damn your eyes you devilish little yellow robotic bastard. Give us back Maddie and take me...CHIPS!!! TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!"

 

then the buzzer would cut in. Well, I say buzzer, but it sounded more like the hopes of all humanity being fired into the void...anyway, whatever that was would cut in, and Deirdre from Barnsley would say "Brown Girl in the Ring, Roy?" and Roy'd be brought back to Earth with a thump. "It's good...but it's not Right. Deirdre? You're back in play. Say what you see"

 

"I see hell. Hell on Earth." Ian, an overweight welder from Sunderland, would say, and Roy would just nod, quietly weeping.

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This is the straw Mr. Chips used to suck up all of Roys tears. We know them as the constellation Vegrandis Crocus Concubitus.

 

Technically, that wasn't a limerick. But it did suck granite badger balls through the straw pictured above.

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Although this post is probably somewhat belated, I have been visiting and only just noticed the forum. I started reading the posts for and against the jokes posted here, and it was enjoyable and I laughed on many occasions. Unless you have an understanding of the human psyche. More accurately of why human beings joke and make light of tradgedies, you are then unfortunately posting a comment riddled with ignorance. I don't feel bothered by the abduction of madeleine mccann, I dont have to justify this but for arguments sake its purely on the basis that it's a little girl who may or may not have been abducted or murdered by her parents. I will however admit that this case holds a great deal of interest to me because i have always thought it was her parents who did it. If it wasn't her parents who did it then the word 'LOL' is pretty much the only accurate description of their parenting skills. Why so much money was wasted on a case that will probably never be solved is beyond me. One girl dies and all this money could have been better spent saving 100 children that have a chance of being saved. Although I may sound opinionated, I hate do good'ers, They make life almost unbareable. I guess you should have paid more attention to this case, life is too short, so leave us to laugh at other peoples expenses and live your life in an ignorant bliss. Each to their own.

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Q. Why did Mr and Mrs McCann cross the road?

A. That's where they abandoned the kids.

 

Q. What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann?

A. The Pope died a virgin.

 

Q. What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Madeleine McCann jokes?

A. Madeleine McCann jokes will get old.

 

Q. What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a tan?

A. A tan doesn't dissapear until after the holiday.

 

Q. What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Elvis?

A. More people believe Elvis is still alive.

 

Q. What's the difference between the McCanns and Gary Glitter?

A. Gary Glitter comes back from his holidays with more kids than he left with.

 

Q. What have the parents of Madeleine McCann and Rhys Jones got in common?

A. They both know where their dead child is buried.

 

Q. What's dead and not newsworthy?

A. Madeleine McCann.

 

Q. What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and the Jews?

A. The Jews have some chance of celebrating this Christmas.

 

Madeleine's holiday was a typical trip to a European resort. Ruined by a stupid Gerry.

 

A new car being launched in Portugal, with space in the boot for a child. It's called the Renault McCann.

 

"The main objective of the Madeleine fund is to leave no stone unturned in the search for Madeleine." Except the stone they buried her under, presumably.

 

There once was a young girl called Maddie

She had such an irresponsible daddy

Snatched from her bed

She's probably dead

Raped by a Portuguese baddy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Related topic: Disappearance of Madeleine McCann, four year old British child missing in Portugal</span>

 

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>Wikipedia: Disappearance of Madeleine McCann</span>

 

How long does a person have to be missing before it is acceptable to make jokes? :o

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