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Fawlty Towers quotes - What's your favourite?

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Dunno about you but I never tire of Fawlty Towers. Some favourite quotes:

 

The Major: Bunch of Krauts, that's what they are, all of 'em. Bad eggs!

Basil: Yes well, forgive and forget, Major... God knows how, the bastards.

 

Basil: Oh, you're German! I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.

 

German: Will you stop talking about the war!

Basil: Me? You started it!

German: We did not start it.

Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland...

 

The Major: Strange creatures, women. I knew one once... striking-looking girl... tall, you know... father was a banker.

Basil: Really?

The Major: Don't remember the name of the bank.

Basil: Nevermind.

The Major: I must have been rather keen on her because I took her to see... India!

Basil: India?

The Major: At the Oval... fine match, marvellous finish... now, Surrey had to get thirty-three in about half an hour... she went off to powder her... powder her hands or something... women... er... never came back.

Basil: What a shame.

The Major: And the strange thing was... throughout the morning she kept referring to the Indians as niggers. "No no no," I said, "the niggers are the West Indians. These people are wogs." "No, no," she said. "All cricketers are niggers."

Basil: They do get awfully confused, don't they? They're not thinkers. I see it with Sybil everyday.

The Major: I do wish I could remember her name. She's still got my wallet.

Basil: As I was saying, no capacity for logical thought.

The Major: Who?

Basil: Women.

The Major: Oh yes, yes... I thought you meant Indians.

 

(Series 1 : The Germans)

 

Mr H: Could you make me a Waldorf salad.

Basil: Oh... a... Wa...?

Mr H: Waldorf salad.

Basil: I think we're just out of Waldorfs.

 

(Series 2 : Waldorf Salad)

 

Fawlty Towers - Complete Set on DVD

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Basil: Vee... Have... Meat... In... Ze building.

 

Manuel: I speek Eengliiish. I leaarrn it fromaboook.

 

O'Reilly: ...I tell you, if the Good Lord...

Basil: ...is mentioned once more, I shall move you closer to him.

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Basil on Cybils ingrown toenail :

 

"pity its not an ingrown tongue!"

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Basil: I think I'll have a lie down. No I won't, I'll go and hit some guests.

 

Basil: A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.

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Sybil: I'm actually about to undergo an operation, Basil.

Basil: Oh yes, how is the old toe-nail? Still growing in, hmmmm? Still burrowing its way down into the bone? Still macheting its way through the nerve, eh? Nasty old nail.

Sybil: It's still hurting, if that's what you mean, Basil.

Basil: Well, it'll be out in the morning, poor little devil. I wonder if they'd mount it for me, just for old time's sake?

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Basil: Can't we get you on Mastermind, Sybil? Next contestant - Sybil Fawlty from Torquay, specialist subject: the bleedin' obvious.

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Well, I guess the most famous one is:

 

Basil: Don't mention the war! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it!

 

(from: The Germans)

 

This is still referenced nowadays: Guardian: Don't mention the war. Grow up

 

Britain is still stuck in a childish rut of anti-German prejudice, argues Nick Clegg MEP

Another favourite from "Communication Problems:

 

Basil: “What did you expect to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically…!

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Mrs Richards: I expected to see the sea.

Basil Fawlty: You can see the sea, it is over there between the land and the sky.

Mrs Richards: You call that a view?

Basil Fawlty: Well perhaps you should consider moving to a hotel closer to the sea, preferably in it.

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Basil Fawlty : Ah, yes Mr O'Reilly. Well, it's perfectly simple. When I asked you to build me a wall I was hoping rather than just dumping the bricks in a pile... I was wondering if you could find the time to cement them together, you know in the traditional fashion.

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This has to be something very British I would imagine.

Although the picture looks alot like "Silly walks". I think I will leave this to the experts :wacko:

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A favourite:

 

Woman: The room. Is it airy?

Basil: Well, there's air in it.

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With regard to the Germans episode the line for me is the ending when the German guests look on as the major hits the moosehead whcih is on top of manuel who is complaining that "He hit me on th head" to which the Major replys n"No you hit him on the head naughtly moose" and the German jsut says "However did they win??"

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Basil: Come on, start, will you? Start, you vicious bastard! Come on! I'm warning you: If you don't start ... I'll count to three: One ... two ... three! Right, that's it! You've tried it on just once too often. Right. Well, don't say I haven't warned you! I've laid it on the line to you time and time again! Right! Well - this is it! I'm going to give you a damn good thrashing!

 

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another one is

 

Polly: What is the point in being aliive?

Basil: Beats me I guess we are stuck with it.

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Basil: Manuel, there is too much Butter on those trays.

Manuel: Que?

Basil: Too much Butter ON THOSE TRAYS.

Manuel: No, Sir, not on-those-trays, it's une, dos, tres!

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Major: Love women, hate Germans

Polly: What about German women?

Major: Good card players!!!

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WOMAN: and the bath isnt big enough to drown a mouse in

BASIL: why dont you turn into a mouse and i will show you a thing or two.

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Thanks for the link to the guardian article.

 

Guardian: Don't mention the war, grow up

 

I had noticed this too. Certain British people I know constantly carry on about how the Germans have no sense of humour, whereas their own sense of humour seems to consist of quoting the classics. (Which reminds me. Basil himself also accused the Germans of having no sense of humour - but he was really taking the piss out of the British - something that seems to be lost on many Basil quoters).

 

My wife is Munich born and loves Fawlty Towers. She is so used to it now and watches it so often, that she finds it relaxing. Once she returned to Scotland (where she lived for a couple of years) and out to dinner with some friends there was someone that she had just met who kept on saying "Don't mention the war". Of course everyone laughed, expecting that she wouldn't understand what they were on about, when she replied with a "It slipped out once or twice, but I think I got away with it" and got the newly bought video out of her bag. That shut him up.

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