Feeling sad about my move to Frankfurt

15 posts in this topic

Hello,

 

I moved to FFM from UK 6 months ago but at the moment feel like I've made a terrible mistake.

 

My Dad is German and I studied the language to Degree level so I've not had too much trouble in terms of communication. I did an 8 week refresher course at the Goethe Institut when I first moved out and I managed to get a job as PA very quickly, BUT ...

 

My husband works in London and is only here at weekends. I miss him very much. He speaks very little German so there's no possibility of him finding work in Germany, added to that he's 50 and would be considered over the hill by most employers (hope he doesn't read this thread ;) ).

 

Has anyone been in a similiar situation / long-distance relationship? At present my heart is telling me to move back to UK, but am I giving up too soon? There are so many things I like about living here:

 

lovely flat

reasonable rent / lower living costs

walking distance to city

great public transport - no need for car

 

The downsides are:

leading a long-distance relationship.

missing friends

pretty dull job (my colleagues talk about being stressed all the time when they do naff all!!!)

supermarkets and surley shop assistants

Being stared at, like I've got a bogey hanging out of my nose.

 

Hubby loves it here, but he only sees the nice stuff.

 

As I said at the beginning - I welcome your comments.

 

Thanks for reading.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This probably isnt great advice but i would say stick it out for another 6 months, and then see how you feel, at the moment i feel totally torn as to whether i should stay here or move back to the UK, again there are reasons on both sides, my partner lives here but he works so much that i feel like we have a long distance relationship, i have just had my first baby and really miss my family, but i have been here for 18 months and would also find it hard to leave, maybe try to meet some other english speaking people(not from work) the lonlieness here can be the worst thing.

 

Sorry i couldnt offer any better advice, anyone else care to have a go.

 

Take Care

Sara

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

He speaks very little German so there's no possibility of him finding work in Germany

What makes you think that ? Lots of people on this site speak little or no German and are working here.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You haven't said what your motivation was to come out here in the first place. Just for the heck of it? For a change? Just to see what it's like? If any of those, then you've had your experience and can go home whenever you want (though I would recommend staying for the summer months, you've only been here for the less charming part of the year!). Here to be close to your German dad because he's in his last couple years? Well then stick it out at least that long. If you wanted this to be a long-term move, you should certainly keep going and get hubby a job so he can come out too. Once he's here you'll have a lot more fun.

 

Lots of others have had the same feeling -- see also

 

Feeling totally depressed since moving to Germany, Life sucks - what to do?

 

Regrets on making a permanent move to Germany: Has the change proved too much for you?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

My husband works in London and is only here at weekends. (...)

Has anyone been in a similiar situation / long-distance relationship?

Hi,

 

There's someone on TT (Stanford) who commutes to London from Munich every week, he can probably offer you some advice. If he doesn't see your post you can always drop him a PM (personal message).:rolleyes: ADMINHIDE-->

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the replies :P ) ADMINHIDE-->

 

My reasons for moving here had nothing to do with my German dad - he lives in the UK! I suppose like so many Brits I just wanted to try something new and see if the grass is really greener on the other side.

 

I'm not going to run straight back to London tomorrow, I shall probably give it another 6 months and review the situation (before my probabtion period at work finishes)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

I suppose like so many Brits I just wanted to try something new and see if the grass is really greener on the other side.

did you envisage a permanent long distance relationship? I think if there are no prospects of your husband moving over then I would probably move back. It depends on the individual though - I thought a few months of ld relationship was bad enough and with that there was at least a planned end in sight. Some people seem quite happy with ld/weekend relationships though (as mentioned, stanford may be able to offer insight) so I think it depends on you

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On a similar situation as your husband myself except for the age thing. I am 28 and have just accepted a job in Frankfurt and starting in a month. Scared of course :) But excited too.

 

Have not got more than about 10 words of German though but will be trying to learn. It really depends on what your Husband does as to whether he could also move to Frankfurt. I am in IT and there are a lot of American run companies all over Germany. No harm in looking anyway.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi radley_bag (nice bags they are too),

welcome to TT, first off. Well, giving yourself a timelimit is probably a good idea and TT could well be a great resource in getting out and meeting new folk, not as a replacement to your UK friends but more of a complement.

Those from the FFM crowd I've personally met have been lovely, not scary at all and I'm sure that they will make you feel welcome should you go to an event or several.

You can get used to the shop assistants, staring and lazy colleagues if you want to, or at least learn to ignore them. The other two things are things you can do something about. OK you could do something about shop assistants but going on a mass gun rampage doesn't look that good on your CV...

Anyway, getting a bit more of a social life as a distraction (check out the threads in the FFM section for meetups and events), letting off steam on here, making sure you have enough trips back and setting yourself time limits to reevaluate what you want and where you are should make your stay here happier. Long-distance relationships don't suit everyone. At some point you will have to make a choice, but why not get the most out of things while you are here?

Good luck!

PS You're the same age as I am and your husband is 50? Blimey. All power to you but still *wow*.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not going to offer any words of advice here: I'm the last person anyone'd want relationship advice from. I will, however, echo one of Katrina's comments. The TT ffm peeps are (mostly) harmless and new faces are always welcome at the events. Please feel free to join us at any time.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

What makes you think that ? Lots of people on this site speak little or no German and are working here.

I have to raise my hand to that one. I didn't know any German before moving here and after two months and many interactions at work and socially I still don't know anything. But it is fun to make up my own story of what people are saying! :ph34r: I agree with giving it some more time. Even I sometimes am like sod it all and just move back to London as well but so far I have had help from many people on a variety of topics relating to life in Germany. So don't be shy to ask questions on TT (regardless of the one off comic reliefs :rolleyes: ).

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

I am not going to offer any words of advice here: I'm the last person anyone'd want relationship advice from. I will, however, echo one of Katrina's comments. The TT ffm peeps are (mostly) harmless and new faces are always welcome at the events. Please feel free to join us at any time.

I can vouch for the fact that there are loads of people in FFM that will be more than happy to get together. When I arrived in FFM i was leaving behind a very large group of very adhesive friends in the UK and that was my main wrench when leaving. If missing yr friends is whats getting you down then get on one of the socials, or organise/post something yrself - I've no idea what you do for kicks but I guarantee they'll be plenty of people up for getting together.. (Especially Jonnnyboy, Grimsby, Littlebritain et al if there is a beer involved ;-)).

 

I was only in Frankfurt for 18 months, but when I left last November I can honestly say that it was an even BIGGER wrench to leave my friends there than it had been when leaving England and I'm not too proud to confess that I may have even shed a tear at my leaving party. I had an absolute blast during my entire time there and that was completely down to the friends I made. At the end of the day everyone has been there at some stage, and they all understand what it's like, but what I will say is that you have to be proactive - if you make the effort then you'll have no problems...

 

I'm now going through the same process all over again now that i'm here in Geneva, and am enjoying taking on the challenge of relocating all over again. I miss all my friends from Germany & England a hell of a lot, but I know that in both cases neither of those groups of people would want me to spend my days sitting in a dark corner wishing I hadn't left. They will always be my friends and I am now making new friends too and really enjoying doing so.

 

I felt such a sense of acheivement after making the move to Germany work and my advice to you would be to look at your 'downsides' as personal challenges that you've set yourself. If in six months time you are happier and are settled then you can then feel doubly proud of yourself for making it work and I promise you that you will be so glad that you took this whole challenge on and that you gave it a chance.

 

Hope things get better for you ;)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

He speaks very little German so there's no possibility of him finding work in Germany, added to that he's 50 and would be considered over the hill by most employers ... Hubby loves it here, but he only sees the nice stuff.

What sort of work does he do? If he really "loves it here", it means he'd be motivated to look for possibilities, that's already very helpful. And it's not like he has to find something within a few weeks, there's time to consider alternatives and look hard...

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

lovely flat

reasonable rent / lower living costs

walking distance to city

great public transport - no need for car

If these are the only plus points you have to hand, then maybe Frankfurt/DE isn't for you right now. What good is a great flat without your other half to share it with? But then, with those lower living costs you could advance book some flights for every weekend really cheaply. That way either you could go back to GB or your husband could come over to where the beer is better.

 

Would you rather that he came over to visit you, or that you went back to GB?

 

As for German language skills: relax.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now