The Vent - No Chat!

10,326 posts in this topic

I'm constantly asked by my colleagues whether people in our UK plant are working or not? How the bleedin hell should I know? :blink:

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I'm in Switzerland. Switzerland goddammit. I hate the place soooooo fucking dull. It's 33 degrees outside. It's 35 degrees inside this unairconditioned fucking office - yes we did go and buy a thermometer. It's illegal to transport animals in this kind of heat and here I am working. I WANNA BE IN MUNICH IN A BIERGARTEN GETTING SMASHED.

 

'Hopp Schwiz' my fucking arse.

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It's 33 degrees outside, it's 35 degrees inside

I wish...it's rained all week here, even the sheep have emigrated!

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There's a guy on this board that I'm pretty sure was trying to con people to buy dodgy shit. I'd like to cut him into little small chunks, add some lentil beans and open a nice bottle of chianti... FFFFFHHHUHHUHHUUHH!!!

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can i just say grrrr? GRRR some people (esp some guys) suck!

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aaaaah, rantsville. only saw the title and haven't read diddely squat but here it comes...

 

we 'share' a driveway with our neighbours (who've lived here for 18 years). since access to both of our front doors is via the space directly in front of our garage, we can't park there permanently (some silly agreement in the rental clause agreed 18 years ago). however, you'd think that on a saturday night when we're having a few friends round for dinner it wouldn't be a problem for our friends to park there for 3 or 4 hours, eh? oh, no.

 

half way through dinner, the door bell. "you can't park there". "we know but it's only for a couple more hours and it's saturday night, surely it's ok?". "nein, das geht nicht! it's in the agreement and we've lived here for 18 years, bla, bla, bla". "ok, <fuck off, mutter, mumble>"

 

a few days later, we're on holiday and a friend is feeding our cats. on arriving he meets the sour-faced old trout from next door and has a chat for a few minutes about how we're on holiday and he's feeding the cats, etc. all would appear to be ok. she understands what he's doing and she's not complained or anything.

 

10 minutes later, our friend leaves the house to find a note on his windscreen to say that if he parks there again, she'll call the police and have the car towed away! i mean, what??!

 

scroll forward a couple of weeks. we're having a barbeque, beautiful weather, summer's arrived and all that. the bell rings. "i've had to open all the doors and windows in our house because your awful, terrible, stinking, fiendish, disgusting, etc, etc, barbeque has stunk out our entire house, AND THEN, one of your cats dared to poke it's nose into the living room, because we had to leave open all the windows, doors, etc because your barbeque is awful..., ..., ...

 

i was quite literaly speechless (and this is only a very brief synopsis of the insanity of our neighbours which has continued unabated for the 8 months since we moved in). so i said, in english, "i'm sorry, i just can't be bothered with this any more", and shut the door in her face.

 

silence for the last 2 weeks and she's even smiled at me since then, which strikes me as bizarre considering my (in my own opinion) justified behaviour.

 

ahhh, that's better. if you'd like more details of some of the insanity from our neighbours, please feel free to PM me. until then, i'll sit back, have a fag and feel relieved about having ranted about it to someone other than my wife and our other friends here in erding (who are german and think they're totally ga-ga too).

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have you even tried the routine of (dunno the proper name) but where you just flip your lips with your finger? indicating that they are gonna start crying? once my neighbour called round to say my cat was "pestering" a bird in her garden. by pestering she meant looking at the robin sized bird and possibly getting ready to pounce.

 

i did that lip thing then. i mean wtf are cats meant to do! people like that need to see you just thinking they are off their heads i think before they stop.

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We are off to a wedding Saturday, it also happens to be the Kinder Fest in our village.

I nearly fell off my chair when my son came home and said that his bloody teacher wanted an entschuldingungs brief!!! ########## splutter! what! its a saturday surely they can`t encroach on our weekends as well, says I, apparently they can!

I am now one gobsmacked mother.

who will still NOT be writing any excuse note.

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Gotta pay the Makler tomorrow. Nice shiny new apartment coming. But the fees! :angry:

Brought a friend with me to ask for a 'discount'. Didn't happen. "But what about the blah blah (all in German)" He asked about 5 different ways for a little "under the table" discount or "nice guy rabbat" but the guy wouldn't budge. So that fat envelope remained hidden in my bag and goes back into the bank. So it can go into his bank tomorrow.

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May I also add something? Okay. If this IS the thread for it, here it comes:

 

I m gonna f th f ou o y if I ctch y!!!

 

Don't take me seriously. I can curse and swear much better in my mother language but wouldn't want to perform here, cause the sever will crack... :ph34r:

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post-967-1152857559.jpg
The humble tetra pak milk carton is one of the great pieces of design the world has seen. Trust me on this one, it is. It obeys the number one rule of design and engineering, -Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS)

 

Why then, do people, most notably the Germans, continue to try and reinvent the bloody thing? All these nozzle designs are rubbish as they move away from the simplistic beauty of the tetra pak design, i.e. it's made from a single component, - cardboard. Instead they introduce extra parts made from different materials, thus you have increased manufacturing cost as well as introducing a problem for recycling, i.e. mixed materials.

 

Well I think I have the answer. As some on here know, I've spent most of this year out of Germany, in a country where they recognise that the wheel doesn't need reinventing, i.e. they have beautiful "non improved" milk cartons. However, joining me in this wonderful land of unspoilt packaging are a hundred or so German colleagues. Every day when I make my cup of black, non-"gay", tea, and go to add that dash of milk ("tea without milk is uncivilised" - Donald Pleasance, The Great Escape), I'm confronted with an abortion of a milk carton. It's as though they had tried to open the thing with their teeth.

 

The other day I opened a carton myself and it was as though I'd opened the cave of Ali Baba. "Wie haben Sie das gemacht?" asked Herr Enk* unbelievingly, as though my mastery of the milk carton was on par with Shane Warne's ability to turn a cricket ball or the Italian soccer (football) team's ability to annoy me.

 

Germans can't open milk cartons. Why?

 

* - Name changed to protect the incompetent.

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my housemiester yelled at me the other day because I called him saying there was no warm water in the apartment (like its my fault- they have been playing with the pipes!), I cannot understand him at the best of times, but when he is mad, its even harder (and I can speak german).

I went to the people I rent from, they called the owner of the apartment, she called the Verwaltungs people, and he got a tongue lashing! Guess its Karma! :rolleyes:

 

good post Bucket! :lol:

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I've got nothing to rant about atall today. Nowt. Diddly squat. I suppose at a push, I could say that I am a bit gutted that I cannot spend the whole of today lying naked in a paddling pool drinking beer and shouting obscenities at the neighbours. Thats pretty much it though. Not much venting to do right now.

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Come on people - I can seed some starter topics if there's nothing to bitch about:

 

- Man its HOT!

- Isn't there a new Starbucks opening somewhere?

- My buddy got a 15EUR ticket for riding his bike on the wrong-side bike path, when he only needed to go 150m!

- How 'bout that head butt!

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grrrr - got a note on my bike from a busybody 2 days ago saying "please don't leave your bike here"

no name or anything, so i thought "piss off" and ignored it

and when i went to pick it up last night to cycle off to meet some mates some bleedin swine had twisted it so that the brakes are now well-dodgy (the cables are all mangled) and broke my front light

makes me feel like leaving it there over the weekend and squatting behind the hedge over the road with a camera to catch the fuckers red-handed

i wouldn't mind, but there's no sign anywhere saying "anlehnen blah blah verboten" and the hausmeister is OK with me leaving it there (i checked with him especially)

grrrrrrr

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That reminds me, the bloody chains snapped on my bike so I better go and get it fixed. Where's Bicycle Repair Man when you need him?

post-4342-1152861639.jpg

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Gotta pay the Makler tomorrow. Nice shiny new apartment coming. But the fees!

Brought a friend with me to ask for a 'discount'. Didn't happen. "But what about the blah blah (all in German)" He asked about 5 different ways for a little "under the table" discount or "nice guy rabbat" but the guy wouldn't budge. So that fat envelope remained hidden in my bag and goes back into the bank. So it can go into his bank tomorrow.

Oooh yes, maklers are the spawn of satan. :angry:

 

My landlord decided to hire a makler to rent out the flat I'm no living in. So the makler comes over snaps a few pictures, puts an ad in the paper and for that gets 3 months rent from whatever poor soul is taking over my apartment after I leave. I could very easily have done the exact same job for FREE!

 

Why do we let these bloodsuckers get away with this?

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That reminds me, the bloody chains snapped on my bike so I better go and get it fixed. Where's Bicycle Repair Man when you need him?

Update: Just went round to the bike shop and he's bloody closed today and tomorrow, just when I need him he has a bloody holiday, Typical!

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