The Vent - NO CHAT!!!

10,463 posts in this topic

Hey DHL fuckwits! Yes, it's me again! Remember that story of the package that I supposedly signed for "in person" back on November 25th? I finally got my hands on it two and a half weeks late on December 11th after it had been sitting in a DHL Packstation - not that I learned any of this from you, but by the determined efforts of the company in Hamburg that had sent the goods in the first place.

 

As they diplomatically pointed out "ich denke DHL ist einfach überlastet momentan."  You don't say!

 

Twats. :angry:

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2 minutes ago, AlexTr said:

How about not coming unless someone calls you, lonely boy.

I'd expect lonely and not coming go *hand* in *hand*... pfnar pfnar...

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There's no mystery to it. I'm just a much kinder person than you are. That's one of the perks of not being an active alcoholic. And you wondered why I would never give you my phone number. You present as sketchy online and I am not fucking with sketchy IRL.

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On 12/31/2020, 2:53:23, tor said:

Fuck You 2020. Don't let the door hit you in the ass! 

2021 helped 2020 out the door and then said 'before you leave, hold this beer for me will you' ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Today it is nice and snowy in North Eastern France. Very picturesque. Hopefully this will be our one week of Winter.
 
They  knew it was coming... but failed to grit the roads (vent)... even the main road to Colmar (vent). Had to be out the door at 8 a.m. (vent) armed with a mugshot. But it is not me... there is this weird distortion so I have a big jaw and mouth and small eyes and forehead... very flattering... (vent) to go and get FINGERPRINTED (vent) for my residence permit (vent). Residence permit note, not nationality. As I do not yet (vent) have French nationality I have to have a residence permit (vent). So, 9 o'clock appointment at Colmar through the snow on untreated roads. Vent. It says on my "invitation" that if I am 5 minutes late they will not process me. Vent. So, I am there well in advance. I did try to change the appointment on-line to later in the day, but their programme would not entertain me. VENT. Just an error code (VENT)... you cannot communicate with them any other way than online (VENT)... so bright and early it was. ;)
 
At the door to the building, two uniformed heavies have not got my name on their list of people to let in... but let me in anyway... I go to the counter indicated on my "invitation"... but it has changed... I am told to wait until called by someone's invisible and distant colleague. I tell them I am a bit deaf. They look at me like I am from Mars. I sit down. A lady at the counter where I should have been calls a name - twice - from behind her mask and a thick pane of plexiglass. Nobody moves. Didn't get the name. Sounded like Mme Sing. There is an Asian-looking lady in the queue. Doubtless she is deaf too and they cannot pronounce her name. Nobody moves. I keep my face shut. So does the lady behind the counter. Time ticks on. 8.55 a.m. I get up and mooch around. A young man sticks his head over his pane of plexiglass as I am passing and shouts My Name. Recognisably. On time. My heart soars like a bird. Full of hope. He waves me through and we get down to procedure. I ask him what permit he will be issuing because I need a permanent one. Not one year or five years. He looks at me like I am from Mars. It is going to be be good for 10 years. That's as permanent as it gets. Not him who decides anyway. He just does the fingerprints. I hand over my distorted mugshot. He sticks it on a piece of card and I have to do a legible signature in a box. Nowhere does it say 10 years.  For the fingerprints I have to put my right hand on an electronic finger print reader. Click. Left hand. Oh dear. My stage 3 Dupuytren prevents me from laying my crooked little finger flat. Only three fingers come up on the screen. Computer is confused. No click. I laugh like a drain. The man looks at me like I am from Mars. Again. He fetches his colleague. Hushed exchange. Furrowed brows. She fetches her colleague. They don't know what to do to make the computer like me. I have to put both thumbs on the reader. Click. They are not sure if it has worked though. They will be in touch. I leave. Without residence permit. Can't wait. VENT
 
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Printer oh printer, why can't my PC see you to print..??

It can see you to scan, and my laptop can see you to print, did you fall out with my PC and decide to punish it by taking away printing privileges??

 

At some point I am going to have to do a full windows 10 reinstall.

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I just found out that following public holidays fall in the weekend: 1st of May, 15th of August, 3rd of October, 25th and 26th December plus 1st of January. 6 extra days gone. Boom.

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22 minutes ago, LukeSkywalker said:

I just found out that following public holidays fall in the weekend: 1st of May, 15th of August, 3rd of October, 25th and 26th December plus 1st of January. 6 extra days gone. Boom.

The next few years are quite shit when it comes to public holidays...

On the other hand, if anyone is not keen on spending so much time with their in-laws, this is the time to be happy.

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Thank you for turning off the heating where we practice, particularly after contributing to the success of your event yesterday. Would be an expensive pity if the pipes burst.

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Third unsolicited phone call of the day - male with Indian accent:

 

**********************

"We're calling from Windows"

 

"Sorry, who is calling?"

 

"I wish you a nice day. We're calling from Windows"

 

"Yes, in that case please give me the full address of the company"

 

"But you don't know why we're calling!"

 

"I'd like to know which company you represent. Please give me your full address"

 

"We're in Newark"

 

"Thank you. As I already said, I'd like your full address"

 

"You're an idiot and a fool" (he then hangs up)

 

*********

:angry: Have a fucking nice day:angry:

 

 

 

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Why do you think the schools are closed you bl00dy halfwits? Just so you can arrange for six or seven of the kids to meet up at one another's homes each day, and then join in virtual lessons together? I get that the kids want to meet up. I also get that it is easier to keep kids happy if you let them meet up. But seriously, just f@cking stop it. It makes it so much harder for folk sticking by the rules to explain to our kids: "No you can't meet [X, Y, Z], I know that [A, B...F] are all meeting every day usw."...and of course, that small matter that people meeting up [YES, EVEN KIDS!] means that there is more chance for Corona to spread, and will make the lockdown need to be extended. The parent of one such kid owns the local electricians. Not only does he meet his 30-40 sparkie co-workers, but THEY then go to dozens of different people's homes every day and then report back to him in person, before he goes home and has dinner with his kids. So, please, stop with the BS that kids in the same classroom are in some sort of protective bubble. 

 

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It is remarkable how the Chinese can create a real leather i-phone cover that looks, feels and smells just like plastic. Do the lying bastards think we will not know the difference?

 

Also, they failed to punch through the holes in the side of the plastic casing that houses the phone resulting in me having to take a knife to cut out the holes so I can switch it on and off and be able to access the volume buttons. So, so poor. It is almost funny. But not. I guess some poor sod in a sweat shop increased his daily output by 33% by only punching holes on two sides instead of three.

 

Yeah, could've and should've sent it back. But the hassle... I wonder how hard wearing it's going to be. I guess I'll be ordering another one shortly.

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I am trying to cancel a phone subscription - I am in France, not in Germany, but who cares? Oh yeah...

 

Anyway, you go on line and come to a stone wall. So you click for help. You are put in a queue. Nothing happens. There is a phone number you can ring. A robot gives you various options. You call another number. The robot informs you that your subscription is 100% online. You can only manage your subscription online.

 

Anybody remember that song "There's a hole in my bucket dear Henry, dear Henry"?

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I am applying (trying) for a passport on-line for my daughter. You do all the form-filling in on your laptop from your sofa. You pays the money. So far so good. French administration seems to be functioning today. They send you an e-mail with the summary of your application in an annex which you then need to take to the town hall to complete the procedure. Except... the annex is just a blank page. Nothing on it.

 

Are you all rolling in the aisles with tears pouring down your cheeks? No, me neither.

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There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

        Then mend it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        Then mend it, dear Henry, dear Henry, mend it.
 
With what shall I mend it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I mend it, dear Liza, with what?

        With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw.

The straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long.

        Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it.

With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

        With a knife, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        With a knife, dear Henry, dear Henry, a knife.

The knife is too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The knife is too dull, dear Liza, too dull.

        Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, sharpen it.

With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, with what?

        With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone.

The stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry.

        Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, wet it.

With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, with what?

        With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, with water.

In what shall I fetch it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
In what shall I fetch it, dear Liza, in what?


        In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
        In a bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, in a bucket.

But there's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

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I mentioned this in the UK pensions thread this morning. But hey, I'm on a roll.

You download the form to top up your voluntary N.I. contributions and print it off. Fill in it. Then notice that actually page 1 is longer than A4, so the direct debit instructions are off the page when you print it off...

 

Come on, laugh with me. Those tears have got to be tears of laughter...

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