Untrue (Alternative) facts

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The US state of Kansas doesn't actually exist. It was made up for the Wizard of Oz and somehow the myth has perpetuated and everyone just assumes it exists, whilst nobody has actually been there.

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george w bush, current us president, has the highest i.q of any us president, dead or alive.

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The five states of North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Peewixle (renamed Kansas in 1901 in honor of L. Frank Baum's Oz books), and Oklahoma were created as a sort of De-Culturalized Zone in a little known conscession among lawmakers circa the end of the U.S. Civil War. These areas, according to US Code, remain devoid of racial and ethnic diversity, cultural institutions, and most signs of modern civilization.

 

While serving as the dividing line between the liberal East and the extreme left sides of the country, this geographic region would remain the bastion of white hope and fanatical conservatism. Scholars agree that this DCZ seems to spill as far east as Iowa and Minnesota and west into Montana, Wyoming, Idaho, Utah, and much of Colorado. The notable consequences of this expanse are thriving NRA chapters throughout the area.

 

--DeFuque, W.A. "Dividing Line." Bench Press 1985: 25.

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The reason Canadians can't say the letter "r" is because of a little known military project around 1913-1914. Military scientists were trying to develope a gas that would make your tongue go numb so you couldn't talk or bark out orders. They only managed to eliminate several syllables and a few letters. In a laboratory accident on the Keweenah peninsula May 29th, 1914, the gas was released into a northeasterly prevailing wind which blanketed 99% of the Canadian population and is recorded as the worst fog on record that even caused two ships to collide on the St Lawrence river. Some of the gas even managed to make it to the New England states where they can't say "r" either. Thought to be short lived and at such a lose dose, the authorities never never worried about the side affects. However, the effects caused a restructuring of the DNA and was passed on in the genes. Now they have "hat attacks" and "pak the ca in the yad". :P

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Actually it's widely known that if TT was a mine , my ass would be a rich vein.

 

A diet consisting of purely the contents of my ass will make you thinner , happier and prettier.

 

In the forthcoming months franchises for "FIC" (fried Irish crap) will spring up around Germany.

 

Col Sanders is rumoured to be shittin it.

 

Guten apetit!

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Tunbridge Wells is latin for 'Saddam Hussein'. It was also annexed to the Third Reich in 1937 after a by-election which Hitler won.

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saddam hussein styled his moustache on his role model a.hitler after a visit to the local barbers shop in tunbridge wells

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Tunbridge Wells is an anagram of 'Dictators live here' and if you write it backwards it's 'home of bad moustaches'.

 

Which is really spooky...

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bruce forsythe was the former town cryer for tunbridge wells and of course winner of 'best groomed moustache of the year' award for 1977.

 

nice to see you. nice.

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Prior to 1955, a well groomed moustache was required before an Englishman could be considered for selection to represent his country in any sport.

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and of course in australia, you had to have a handlebar moustache to act as a sheep farmer.

 

same rules apply.

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saddam hussein of tunbridge wells is currently taking part in the us pga golf tournament

 

_39947504_ianpoult300_getty.jpg

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sayer.jpg

 

leo sayer will be the next manager of the tunbridge wells bridge team, replacing saddam hussein who is leaving to explore new avenues.

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sorry fair enough jonners my informant got it wrong.

 

on the subject of sven gordon erikkson i am led to believe he is to be next male host on 'gladiators' filmed on location in tunbridge wells.

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