Regrets on making a permanent move to Germany

[cruiser 13]

Does anyone regret making a permanent move to Germany?

 

I moved here - for love - two years ago, full of enthusiasm and determination to integrate (learn the language etc). Unfortunately, whilst there is so much I like about life here in Germany, I can't say that I'm at all happy - this in spite of a wonderful partner, whom I love dearly. I've tried hard, but learning the language has proved far more difficult than I'd anticipated, especially since I live with a German! - I miss being able to communicate naturally with people. I never imagined I'd miss anything about life in the UK but I do - the TV, the 'different' sense of humour, friends with whom I used to have 'real' conversations, not feeling self-conscious in life's everyday procedures.

 

I feel quite depressed a lot of the time and I'm worried that my relationship will suffer - there are already a few cracks appearing.

[Small Town Boy 6,672]

It's inevitable that there are things you'll miss about Britain; I think that wretched country is going down the drain but of course there are still things I miss about it because it's 'home'. I think you should try and focus on the positive aspects of Germany; not easy in Hamburg perhaps but I think it's the way forward. For me it's little things like not having to shop in supermarkets and being able to eat a different slice of delicious cake every day. Oh, and the women are much hotter here.

[gideon 137]

Sounds like you need to get out and meet normal people of your own language and culture.

 

Toytown is a good start, the conversations that go on here would baffel anyone who isn't native english culturaly linked... Miscellaneous Chat is your friend.

 

I think a fair few of us have been there, done it, and have bought the lederhosen on that one.

[Kat 59]

I know how you feel. I went through that phase myself. It's called homesickness, and it does pass for the most part, though you may always have the occasional twinge, especially when misunderstood. Keep with the language studies and find some English friends to help you through the loneliness.

[Johnny English 3,071]

 

I never imagined I'd miss anything about life in the UK but I do - the TV, the 'different' sense of humour, friends with whom I used to have 'real' conversations, not feeling self-conscious in life's everyday prceedings.

There are some solutions to the above that will make life easier. I suggest not fighting to integrate. It is good to integrate but I personally do not beat myself up about it every day.

 

So:

 

1. Get SKY TV. It is good to get an injection of English news and humour.

 

2. Get the English newspapers sometimes. Sunday Times I like.

 

3. Get away to see friends, or get friends to visit. I am meeting friends in the next few weeks over here, in Austria, in Switzerland, and then in Spain.

 

Truth is I don't have any real "german mates" that I could compare to back home. I just accept that and try and work around the situation. I bet Hamburg is more fun than where I live out in the sticks if that helps :-)

 

I know what you mean about the conversations. By definition with any new German friends/acquaintances you do not have any "history" so there is no old gossip etc to fall back on. Plus it is harder to make jokes and quick quips in language #2. I find it does get easier with Germans that know me better - because they understand my level of the language (so don't use slang or talk too fast), and of course we start to have stuff in common...eventually.

 

I even managed to get a German couple out for a proper curry last week. Virgin territory it was!

[Yeti 276]

 

I bet Hamburg is more fun than where I love out in the sticks if that helps :-)

Too much information, but I think you got away with it.

[kitkat64 461]

I feel your pain, I, too, had the same feeling for the first 2 years. Learning German is damn hard! You didn't say if you are working or not, but that certainly helps when you do find a decent English speaker in the bunch. But, what really saved me was finding this site - it is a great outlet for everything - especially complaining about Germans and their "way". I do get twinges of homesickness from time to time (like in fall, when all the leaves are falling off the trees, I really miss Vermont). But, it passes. Take Kat's advice, don't beat yourself up over it, find a few American friends, log onto this site daily, and make sure you get back to England from time to time. Trust, after a couple of weeks back in England you will be dying to get back "home" to Germany.

[Punchbear 1,024]

I can totally empathise, been here for 7 years and the 2 year mark was rough alright, feeling like you're the permanent outsider to German culture, your jokes meet with questions to explain them and nobody cares for your cultural references. The Irish pubs are good for meeting people, especially if you're interested in sport. I met most of my German mates through an ex-colleague who shared the same taste in music and her lad mates turned out to be a more than satisfactory Ersatz for the lads back home, right down to the Hasselhoff wordplays and silly Father Ted humour. The ones who didn't get Father Ted were initiated. And thankful for it. It's trite, but shared interests, hobbies are the best ways to meet new people - maybe you should organize something for English speakers in Hamburg yourself. And plenty of comedy from home, soothes every woe. Can't emphasize that enough. So chin up Charlie, you'll get back from Germany what you put into it and this funny country may not be home, but it has a lot to offer.

[Johnny English 3,071]

 

find a few American friends

The poor welsh lady is clearly feeling a bit stressed, and now you are trying to push her over the edge with that suggestion. She has enough problems

integrating with the Germans. (and being born Welsh - but I am not the type of chap to kick someone when they are down).

[Keydeck 9,248]

Tis an odd comment alright. Maybe Americans are more sympathetic towards the lonely and depressed whereas all other nationalities don't care or just take the piss.

[gideon 137]

 

(and being born Welsh - but I am not the type of chap to kick someone when they are down).

Steady on JE, the whole of wales and welshdom is in collective depression after the drubbing the scots dealt out to them in the rugby last weekend. I hear the kiwis are exporting 1,000,000 virgin sheep as desaster aid.

[Didsbury's Daftest 22]

Chin up lass, you could still be living in Wales. Hamburg's the best city that Germany has to offer. You'll soon be singing in the valleys of Blankenese boyo, I should know, I was there.

 

Meantime: http://www.awchamburg.org/AWCH_GettingSett...glish_Orgs.html

[kitkat64 461]

 

find a few American friends

 

Oops!! I was totally in the Zone while typing and thinking of my own experience so, naturally, I typed 'find a few American friends'. Of course, I meant 'find a few native English speaking, preferably from this side of the pond, friends' :)

[PES 3,977]

None. :rolleyes:

[Jeeves 41]

I've been here for nearly 22 years, so it's a bit early to say whether the change has proved too much

However this is also what I finally worked out that I miss most:

 

I miss being able to communicate naturally with people.

When I first arrived I positively tried to avoid contact with fellow English-speakers. After 6 months I gave that up. And now that there's Toytown I feel no shame in getting my fix here.

For the definitive answer to the original question see JE's (first) post.

[Elfenstar 1,676]

also, let's hope your partner understands where you are coming from and supports your desire to make English-speaking friends. i told my ex, I needed somehow to get involved in an English-speaking community in order to be able to stay and live in this *bleep* country. He understood that. He was in the US for 2 years and who did he party with in the US - his German friends. I also began to speak another type of English.

 

but he had a strong dislike for Toytown. I tried to bring him out, thinking TT Tuesday would be great, he could practice his English on others and we could start doing things together. he refused. he saw TT as immature, not meritable. Of course, I could do GNO without feeling guilty or German practice regulars table, but he even refused to come to an organized Andechs trip. That hurt me and I always felt guilty when I went and did something frivolous with the TT folks. My new guy totally understands this and thinks TT is great.

 

but i can only agree with Jeeves and others: don't try to become German. you will never speak the language like a native. they will always notice your accent. it'll be what's charming about you. even after 7 years, i still stumble over trying to explain some abstract thought. but since my new partner totally accepts me for how i am, my life is happy.

[kathie 1,006]

I must say though, sure, TT is great, but I have found it necessary to integrate myself into german culture at least to a certain extent, otherwise you're just making sure that you feel like an outsider. English-speaking friends are great, and I wouldn't be without mine, but I have some fab german friends as well, who don't care if I make mistakes in german, and who make me feel more like this is home.

[Lifeisabuffet 483]

 

Does anyone regret making a permanent move to Germany?

- I miss being able to communicate naturally with people. .

I have been living here for 19 years. However I come from a mediterrenean background which means that my friends and family keep together, they do a lot of activities and fun things together. I also attended private British and American schools and university, lived overseas and I am used to the "lax" mentality of the English speaking people. I have German friends but like some stated on this thread, I am not able to share the same jokes and fun with them as I do with my English speaking friends. So when I am around my German friends I do miss being able to communicate naturally with people.

I think most people on this thread gave you really good advice. I would add on that you should try going to English speaking Stammtisches. The Germans who come there, like to practice their English and they tend to be pretty friendly to foreigners.

Do not let your mood effect your relationship. It sounds like you have a great partner. I think you should have a talk with him soon about your feelings, explain him how you feel.

[cruiser 13]

 

Chin up lass, you could still be living in Wales. Hamburg's the best city that Germany has to offer. You'll soon be singing in the valleys of Blankenese boyo, I should know, I was there.

 

Meantime: http://www.awchamburg.org/AWCH_GettingSett...glish_Orgs.html

In addition to my posted concerns, now I'm female as well - please don't tell my German girlfriend!

 

Thanks everyone for your encouraging - mostly - replies!

[perdido 6,083]

Im never happy where ever I go so I can understand.