Why are you unhappy today?

11,050 posts in this topic

38 minutes ago, LeonG said:

 

I knew someone who said divorce does not happen in his wife's culture so they remained friends, continued to live together but in an open relationship, having romantic interests on the side but not bringing them home.  If it works, why not?

 

 

This is a nice solution, but many times, its good in theory as one partner starts resenting internally or is it outright jealous about other one having a jolly good time. Unless both the partners run through most of the scenaioes and come to a clear understanding, this might not work.

 

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4 minutes ago, RajeshG said:

 

This is a nice solution, but many times, its good in theory as one partner starts resenting internally or is it outright jealous about other one having a jolly good time. 

 

 

Especially once he realises that she finds “dates” much easier than he does. 

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1 hour ago, AlexTr said:

 

Self-knowledge: Priceless

 

I would much rather have a steady, but it's hard to find.  The self knowledge comes in as I know I'd rather remain single, by far, than deal with the drama of a bad match.

 

drama sucks.  not sure why so many people seem to crave it

 

 

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25 minutes ago, Cammiede said:

 

Especially once he realises that she finds “dates” much easier than he does. 

 

He was happy.  As far as I know, he and his wife did not discuss their dates or flings with each other.

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Actually not so much closet as gay in denial. Not quite the same thing. I think he has duped me but he's never gonna admit it. Too much to lose and too scary. I only have a list of stuff he hasn't done, rather than what he has done.

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Optimista, have you ever talked to your husband about all this?

 

You've said you are financially dependent, but would you be punished just for talking, not leaving?

 

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5 minutes ago, optimista said:

 How many of you took 11 days to consummate your marriage?

 

See!!  Wedding cake strikes again!  :lol:

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Of course! Denial and no answers. And blaming me. There comes a point you stop chasing your tail and get a lover. Which is scary as hell for him because it could blow his cover.

 

He cannot talk about this anymore because I think I am too near the truth which he cannot face. Result, caged beast. Fear. Anger. Making him feel cornered is not productive.

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OK, so you get blamed for whatever.

But will he cut you off financially for asking questions?

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If we divorce he will owe me nothing. So essentially, yes. He did not pay into the German system. I would be up sh.. street financially.

 

The last thing he wants is to attract attention to himself. Camouflage and lying low are big strategies for the Great Pretender.  Splitting up would attract attention and interest from family and more.

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In Germany, you divorce, you get a lump sum and pension rights transferred. Lump sum not gonna keep you til you are 90. There are no pension rights in the German system for him. My pension rights would go to his credit though! There would be no widow's pension if I am not a widow.

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2 minutes ago, SpiderPig said:

If you were married and you have nothing.. isnt he obliged to pay you Alimony?

 

 

 

Didn’t they change those laws a few years ago? If I recall correctly (my neighbours went through it), he would be “on the hook” for the separation year and that’s it, assuming the daughter is an adult. 

 

I assume she would be entitled to 50% of the marital holdings, but I don’t know. 

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I have the impression your husband's family is far too involved in your marriage.

Is there money tied to him being married, if I may ask?

 

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1 minute ago, optimista said:

 Metall let's do this off the forum.

 

Why start a drama openly.. then take it behind closed doors?  

 

Keep it here... I am a bit bored coz J² is hoovering his roof today... 

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Spider you disappoint. Thought you'd be winging it over to France to sort this out.

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10 hours ago, AlexTr said:

 

I think generosity is an overstatement.

 

You should be kinder to yourself. 

 

I hope that if I am in a similar medical situatiion I would not need a website announcing to the world my circumstances to gain revenue to finance my medical treatment.

 

You have very generously given thought how to approach this topic in a dignified and respectful manner.

 

 

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I have a friend in the U.S. who I grew up with. He is my age. I'm sure he is gay and I think he might come out once his mom is gone. She is 89 and in a nursing home. He has always had pretend girlfriends but never married. 

 

Your situation reminds me of this scenario. 

 

Just saying.

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