Why are you unhappy today?

11,497 posts in this topic

1 hour ago, optimista said:

Trapped.

 

Brave people plan and successfully escape.    Don’t put up with abuse, as that is what it is.  Take your time, do nothing bad just use good judgement and escape.   Choose carefully but there are millions of kind hearted folk in the world.   I am happily married and have little space otherwise would offer.   Good luck and best wishes.  

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3 hours ago, optimista said:

I'm out a lot John. I think I am his beard.

 

@optimista

Do you think hubby is having, ah, gay trysts on the side while he dumps you incommunicado? That would explain his not having a mobile phone, at least for communication with *you*.

My family actually suspects a lavender marriage of a (by now deceased) older couple we knew. The signs were similar, very loveless marriage of a penniless divorced woman with a child by a successful wealthy man who treated her like a servant. He was on business trips a lot, and suddenly died in the 1980s. I was later consulted on the cause of death and final doctor's report - the disease described there didn't exist.

Be that as it may, is there no way for you to become financially independent and break out of this madness?

 

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3 hours ago, Malt-Teaser said:

Just returned from the cemetary, always makes me sad although I tidied up the winter mess and it's looking good again.

I missed the snowdrops but the Hyacinth are coming along nicely.

 

Missing you like hell sweetheart.

Keep the faith and the love, bruv.

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22 hours ago, fraufruit said:

What would freedom look like to you?

 

Financial security. If he offloads me or I go, I wonder what I will live on now I am over the hill. There is a very cushy widow's pension that would be thrown out with the bathwater if I walk away. Like 10 times the amount that I would get from my two pathetic national pensions which will not be enough to live on. It comes down to whether I want to live in poverty in old age or have absolutely no worries. Yes, he has become my banker. That was his choice, not mine. He is a decade older than me and yes I am doing the maths.

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7 minutes ago, optimista said:

Yes, he has become my banker. That was his choice, not mine.

 

If you say so. Himself is the banker/bill payer here but I have my own little next egg.

 

I don't know the laws here but don't you get half if you leave? Do you work or can you work?

 

Man, I hate to see people in such one-sided relationships. Believe me, I thought about leaving a few times over the years but, even then, I could have afforded it it. Glad I stayed now.

 

Wouldn't he have to die for you to get the widow's pension? It is so paltry that I haven't even considered it in my long time, what if plans.

 

Can you consult a lawyer or financial adviser?

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23 hours ago, fraufruit said:
9 minutes ago, fraufruit said:

I don't know the laws here but don't you get half if you leave? Do you work or can you work?

Wouldn't he have to die for you to get the widow's pension?

 

It is not a state pension. We are out of the normal system. It would be a lump-sum pay-off. I need an income not a lump-sum. Yes he would have to be gone, obviously. I hope I have another 40 years in front of me. I have thrown the baby out with the bathwater once before (salary and pension of a lifetime) and regret it. Now I am wiser.

 

Have not worked in over a decade and am not overly saleable in my mid-50s in a foreign country... young people cost less and have higher energy levels. Also hubby is in higher tax band. I would only earn peanuts and lose half in tax unless I divorced. Which really would be hugely to my disadvantage. And that's just finances. Have to make the best of being trapped. It sucks at times and now is one of them.

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I understand. I gave up my career, pension and as it turns out, Social Security when I married #2 and quit work to have the second child. 

 

I repeat, what about consulting a professional to find out where you really stand.

 

Where do you want to live?

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Would stay in France. Professional advice obviously needed but we are not standard and I doubt the usual blurb would cover our case. I really think divorce is not the way to go.

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19 minutes ago, optimista said:

 I really think divorce is not the way to go.

 

You‘re too young to give up on happiness. At least get someone on the side or something. 

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2 minutes ago, Guest said:

 

You‘re too young to give up on happiness. At least get someone on the side or something. 

 

Give this man his own tv show.

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@optimista: Maybe you should start a safer thread in the Supporters Area, so all this will not be searchable on Google.

I'll be happy to talk with you there. ;)

 

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44 minutes ago, fraufruit said:

Seriously, give her husband a reason to take everything.

 

You have one life. I go for happiness. 

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1 hour ago, Guest said:

 

You‘re too young to give up on happiness. At least get someone on the side or something. 

 

I knew an older man years ago who had a side agreement with his wife. They were out of love since years ago but he said in her home country ppl don't divorce so they agreed to stay married and have side adventures. Whatever works.

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41 minutes ago, Guest said:

 

You have one life. I go for happiness. 

But if she lost any rights to financial settlements later, she would be unhappy in this one life..it´s a dilemma.

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10 hours ago, Metall said:

@optimista: Maybe you should start a safer thread in the Supporters Area, so all this will not be searchable on Google.

I'll be happy to talk with you there. ;)

 

 

I agree...maybe ask for these posts to be moved there.

 

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27 minutes ago, emkay said:

 

I agree...maybe ask for these posts to be moved there.

 

Good idea.  Posts like these need to be sequestered from Trolls, and Supporters is a safer place to post sensitive issues.

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