Why are you unhappy today?

[Rossoneri 2,410]

 

They maintail that they only eat fresh meat and veges...which pretty much rules out everything that we were planning to cook.

 

"We have two choices for your meal this evening...you can eat it or f*ck off!"

[dessa_dangerous 13,315]

@ Aine: if you just needed a vent, here is as good a place to do it as anywhere else, and we're all behind you. Sometimes you gotta vent before you can push through. That's normal.

 

If it's that you really cannot/will not do the thing, then talk to your partner. Heck, I've been married to my husband's family for eight years (only five of those to the man himself however) and I STILL let him do the dirty work. The delivery of bad news is up to him. Sometimes, if it's just about me not making it to a lunch or something, I'll call up his mother myself and submit my excuse/apology. But when I feel they've she's really crossed the line, I politely request my husband to handle it. There is no shame in asking your partner to communicate your wishes to his parents. He has, after all, known them his entire life, knows how they tick, how they'll respond to this or that, is proficient in their language and can navigate the cultural subtleties which to you (and me) remain a f*cking mystery.

 

Worst case scenario, this whole thing goes down even though you tried to prevent it. Please do not worry. You will survive. Not only will it be over sooner than you think, but, do feel free to post every two minutes on here on TT about the state of things. Start a thread about it, even. We will all be here to support you and cheer you on. If nothing else, each post you make will take away from time otherwise spent with the in-laws. :)

[poohsan 2,486]

day old McD's for guests visiting from out of town is highly underrated... Get a kid's meal and there's even a toy gift inside for them. Don't forget to say "Guten Appetit!" before carving into your goose.

[LostinLuneburg 1,354]

 

My partners younger brother is a professional chef, he had a whole menu planned for christmas for his parents coming down to his in munich for the week.

 

 

 

My brother in law is a chef at the hilton. he had an entire 6 course meal planned for the days that they were there, and events for in the evening. then they just called today and announced that they will be spending the time at mine (although staying at a hotel).

 

I can't imagine that the younger brother is so happy either - it sounds like he has already put in a lot of work and probably started buying food. It's also pretty insulting for your parents to just state they'd prefer to be elsewhere for Christmas. Maybe you, or even better - your partner, can enlist his help in getting the parents to stay in Munich?

 

Fingers crossed for you!!!

[chaos_amoeba 2,724]

God, what a situation. Aine, your in-laws sound more of a headache than mine, and mine are currently having histrionics about xmas Again (or as per blooming usual). Others are saying the right thing - you don't have to take this from them, really you don't. Especially not when you are ill - which you are! Depression IS an illness, don't let Anyone start telling you that you can't be depressed at Christmas, or have to snap out of it because you have guests, or any of that - it is total bullsh*t. [i spent a week recently with my in-laws on a cruise ship being told I had to cheer up and show some respect to my in-laws by enjoying the holiday they paid for (that was my SIL - luckily, my husband is more understanding of how depression works) and the strain of it quite literally half killed me.]

 

If I could give Dessa 100 greens for her post here, I would.

You are not alone. Lots of people have been through similar and we understand. It's ok to feel the way you feel.

And do keep posting. Not least because loads of people on here care about you and will be glad to offer some cyber sympathy if it's bad, and pleased to know if it's not so bad.

 

Take care of yourself. And try not to let you bloke's obvious lack of understanding bring you down or make you feel guilty. you've nothing to feel guilty for, at all. Remember that.

[sarabyrd 18,767]

Trade houses with your brother in law so they can stay with him in your place and get their fancy food while you enjoy peace and quiet at his place.

[Claudi83 2]

My voice is gooone darn cough!

[optimista 5,925]

Xmas is at mine this year. A dozen guests. I know my MIL is going to throw up at the table and expect everyone else to do the running. Bon Apétit.

[perdido 6,083]

Christkindmarkt doest or won't deliver. Son of a biscuit...

[Uncle Nick 6,245]

@ optimista: it's a bit late now, but in future maybe you should get some of these:

[Irish_Aine 771]

well things officially went to shit yesterday. I made a trifle for our desert. Sponge bread and strawberries inside jelly then with custard and cream on top. He hated it, and then sent pictures of it to his brother. apparantly it wasnt a "real trifle"...well its what my mum makes, so i made it. and today hes cleaning the flat because apparantly i didnt do a good job of it. and this is before the inlaws even arrive. im gonna need the patience of a saint to get through today

[Metall 14,557]

Kick these people OUT!! *angry at dumba... relatives*

 

Wait... is this hubby doing this to you? What an idiot!

[fraufruit 42,484]

You really do deserve to be treated better, I A. I hope that you realize that one day.

 

My husband would have been wearing the trifle.

[Biglaa 147]

Never understood how people can complain when you know someone's gone to all the effort to do something for you like that! I'm with fraufruit, he should be wearing it! I'm not a trifle fan myself, but I'd still have eaten some and kept my gob shut!

[robinson100 12,853]

If you made a trifle how you Mum makes one, then it is not just a trifle, but an Irish Aine family tradition trifle, and should be shown the correct level of respect (or worn, as has already been mentioned!)

 

As for Mr Man cleaning the flat, well, let him - just make yourself a nice cup of tea and relax on the sofa whilst he does all the hard work!

 

My friends and I have a general house rule - we can come and go as we please, any time of day or night, but if we don't like the condition we find each other's places in, we are also free to use the hoover and other cleaning utensils. I would suggest you make that clear to any house-guests you might ever have staying ;)

[Gwaptiva 7,116]

Was gonna have a moan about all this christmas shite and that I cannot wait until it's mid-January, but reading Aine's post reminds me that I may have to be grateful only to be beholden to me and that there are worse things than four days of utter boredom.

 

Aine, read what the wise ladies above posted, and act it out.

[dkgmunich-1 75]

Irish_Aine,

 

I remember your other posts about your trying to improve your relationship with your partner.

And i see this as another effort to make things better. I appreciate that.

 

But I also remember you mentioned you love him and believe that he also loves you.

So for now being patient is one of the things you need to adhere to. I know its easier said than done.

I am not sure how the culture differences works for I am non EU,

but if you actively kick out people or even try to be negative this will just give your partner another reason to turn against you.

At the same time I believe you should not let it go without fight, so being diplomatic is the need of the hour.

As fraufruit already said you deserve better and there is no second opinon about the same.

 

So for now try to avoid the emotional outbursts and start thinking positive that evening will sail through with every body being happy.

 

And soon as you get time, you may also need to think of couple counseling. Though I don't now if you already tried that.

Because love also needs collaborative efforts to continously understand each other. Even after 50 years of marriage partners have differences.

Here I believe is that somehow, despite love, both have been drifting away on individual paths which is bringing more pain.

So what is needed is each of you follow their paths and yet remain on the same plane and parallel to each other.

 

I pray this festive season will bring more cheer in both of your lives and new year will be better than any of the previous ones.

But also remember you have to take some steps for nothing will happen if you don't start working for it.

 

Wish you merry christmas and a happy new year.

[emkay 10,314]

Aine, I really hope you made it through yesterday. It's a difficult time to assert yourself now though I hope you have the strength soon to find the clarity you need.

 

My husband would have had the trifle bowl wedged in some orifice or his skull. He always fannies around tidying when his mother comes over which is hardly ever as she has only limited approval (birthdays etc). I usually just let him get in with it. I can always rely on one of our cats puking in her vicinity to make her clutch her heart and reach for her lavender hanky.

 

You can laugh at the thought of me having to attend a family dinner at her house today. The last time we had to share the same dinner table, she held court and virtually ignored me. At one point she did ask me something and during my reply, she cut me off and changed the subject. Even my husband challenged her about it. She then ignored him too. We just laughed it off together...silly old cow.

 

Can't wait to be back home tonight :D

[Irish_Aine 771]

thank you everyone for the supportive messages. I managed to get through christmas with no blood shed. At least I know that I'm not the only one with nightmare in-laws. and yes, my brother in law was very pissed off and angry and them not coming and i think he told them in proper term that it wasnt acceptable to do things like that.

 

Im glad tho that the whole christmas thing is over, my kindle was on its last legs so my better half bought me the paper white, which i kinda hate. but im very appreciative that he got me knowing my kindle is about to die...and seeing as im such a bookworm, thats akin to a puppy dying for me ;P

 

Overall, thank you everyone, I love and appreciate you all. and hope you all had a lovely christmas and a peacefull new year

 

Love Àine

[robinson100 12,853]

I am unhappy because I just came home from work to find an email telling me that a very dear friend of mine, who lives in Australia has died.

 

I knew he was fighting against cancer, but he never talked about it much in his emails, and was always happy and jolly whenever we wrote to each other.

 

It is a nasty shock.

 

Goodbye Gareth. I will miss you!