Noisy children and sensitive neighbors

155 posts in this topic

Some real-life advice on coping with tantrums:

 

If you're at home you can try ignoring the tantrum, perhaps walking into another room if it's safe to do so. Encourage your child to cool down on their own and talk more calmly about what they want South Gloucestershire Council

 

Ignore the temper tantrum. If possible, go to another room and do not talk to your child until he/she has calmed down.

Lewisham school

 

You can't possibly expect to prevent tantrums altogether ... pick your toddler up and move him to another room where he can calm down without feeling that all eyes are on him. babycentre.co.uk

 

Remove your child to a ‘no attention’ place, somewhere safe but boring - maybe another room or the bottom step on the stairs, until s/he has calmed down.

NHS

 

etc. etc. etc.

 

Putting your child in the hall is obviously not such a thoughtful move if that means the neighbours get an even better earful, but giving them attention is not advisable with every child, and with many children leaving them to cry is not cruel if they are overwhelmed by all the faces and voices around them and just need to escape and calm down. And a desperate parent struggling with frustration or even depression may find it the only way they can calm down and get their strength back before speaking to the child in a calm voice, instead of going mad and lashing out, shouting or even smacking.

 

You don't find out what kind of a parent you're going to be until the children are there, and if it turns out you're a shit parent, it's too late. You can't hand them back again.

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Of course there are times when a parent can't do anything. I had a teether who was fracturing the night with her crying, and I slipped her a teaspoon of brandy (the old wives used it) - Wow! she let out a series of shrieks (I had no idea of the taste) and suddenly, after five minutes, she dropped off to sleep and that was it. I do not recommend this!

 

I think that you are only supposed to massage the gums with a finger dipped in brandy to numb them, not give the little darling a thimbleful.

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What I don't get is:

a. ruhezeiten - our town has them and we have them in our house.

b. when children play does that mean they have to scream? can't one just play and talk with their friends?

c. when children play - must their parents scream?

d. when your kids scream its not noise -its protected by the law. when others children scream its noise and your ready to withhold rent until the landlord resolved the issue.

e. does anyone get the difference between screaming children when they play and babies crying? - there is a difference.

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What I don't get is:

a. ruhezeiten - our town has them and we have them in our house.

What don't you get?

 

 

b. when children play does that mean they have to scream? can't one just play and talk with their friends?

You never yelled with excitement as a child?

 

 

c. when children play - must their parents scream?

Do you mean "shout"? Like human beings sometimes do when trying to deal with a stressful situation?

 

 

d. when your kids scream its not noise -its protected by the law. when others children scream its noise and your ready to withhold rent until the landlord resolved the issue.

Whose opinion is this meant to reflect?

 

 

e. does anyone get the difference between screaming children when they play and babies crying? - there is a difference.

What is it, then?

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Today on NPR: What's Behind A Temper Tantrum? Scientists Deconstruct The Screams

 

Those folks say there's a right way to deal with a tantrum:

 

 

The trick in getting a tantrum to end as soon as possible, Potegal said, was to get the child past the peaks of anger. Once the child was past being angry, what was left was sadness, and sad children reach out for comfort. The quickest way past the anger, the scientists said, was to do nothing.

Similar to what anne_k quoted above.

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My son crIed non-stop for his first three months. We were living in a flat, but no-one complained, thank God. Since then we've always lived in houses. My neighbour opposite and I both used to lose our temper and scream at our kids like fishwives about once a month. I was consoled when I heard her do it, too. I have no trouble with other people's noisy kids on planes or buses. I'm just glad they're not my responsibilty. Might be different if I was living in a flat, though. My husband says he wants to move near a school or kindergarten when he's old so hw can hear the children playing. Mind you, I think he's getting deaf.

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It's not the fault of the parents or the babies - it's just these damn thin walls.

 

This is a valid point.

 

Architects and builders putting up cheap buildings are responsible for a lot of misery. Some walls are a single piece of ply-wood covered in plaster. I could hear our neighbour taking a slash in her bathroom when I was in my bedroom - and there was a hall separating my room from our bathroom. Her bathroom mirrored ours. God knows what she heard when my husband was in there...

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I have 3 kids, 2 daughters who only cried when something was wrong, e.g., teething, stomach ache, fever, but not often. Then I had a son who made up for both of them, he didn't sleep through until he was 9 months old and screamed the house down at the slightest thing. He was a difficult child, but luckily, I had neighbours around who also had children and nobody ever complained.

 

Now, when I see a parent really struggling with a child, I usually try to say something supportive to them, that it won't last forever, or I tell them that I had one like that too but that he's grown into a lovely lad now, and I say it with a smile, anything to help them feel a bit better about the situation. It can be a very lonely place when you don't have family or friends around to help and support you.

 

Nobody plans to have a "loud" baby, but sometimes you get one and it's very difficult to deal with when you're on your own as many parents are these days. A little support and encouragement from the people around would go a long way to easing the situation for everyone.

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I am soon going to be a mother. If I am in a train or bus and the little monkey throws a fit I will get off and let the baby cry if it wants to. Nobody is obliged to put up with hearing such a noise, simply because I decided to have a baby. It is not everybody's problem, it is my problem!

If I stay up all night, it is because I knew what to expect and it was my choice. The neighbour shouldn't have to suffer because of my choice. Parents think that the world revolves around them and their offspring, erm sorry but it doesn't.

 

Chat: you will be a mum soon and that´s great! So far, maybe , you´ve seen things through the eyes of a childless adult but once the baby´s there, it´s different. There is nothing more natural in the world than a crying baby, later toddler.

 

Of course, do your best to pacify your child...I know the crying can be annoying to people around you - mind you , it´s nowhere near as loud as the bus or train you´ll be travelling on!! Or the cars overtaking the bus or vice versa.

 

Or not even half as annoying as half the passengers screaming into their mobiles and I-Pods or whatever they´re called. AND definitely ( even if your baby needs its nappy/diaper changed..) not as smelly, unkempt, unwashed and selfish as half the adult passengers.

 

I once witnessed a bus driver in Harburg being absolutely obnoxious to a mother whose young child had just been sick. He ranted about " 10 euros or you get off the bus. ".

 

I complained as did a couple of others. In the end the mother and child got off the bus but who was the bastard? The bus driver. AND the silent majority who have become so alienated from humanity ( until they get home and listen to their stupid TV programmes loudly ).

 

Chat, do Greeks in general ( including Cretans ) think babies and toddlers and young children are an absolute pain? I don´t think so ( that feeling is reserved for dogs and cats ). It´s surely an aspect of modern life in wealthier, industrial countries..people meeting deadlines in busy cities.

 

Or maybe I´m wrong.

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Many times children have breakdowns because they're hungry or tired. . . . Yes, the immediate cause may be a disappointment such as no second cookie, but if you've kept an eye on your kids and see the signs of an approaching crying jag, offer a little something or a lap or a cuddle or a lie-down. We're the ones in charge and it's up to us to keep things on an even keel.

 

This is SO true. I am lucky to have a child with a very calm temperament, but at age 2 or 3, they can fly off the handle regardless if you don't pay attention to moods, naptimes, feedings, etc.

 

This won't help the OP in this case, but parents and parents-to-be take note: putting your child on a very consistent schedule and keeping to it will prevent a LOT of temper tantrums, power struggles, and frustration on everyone's part. It's not the easiest thing to do: we had to turn down lunch dates, not schedule playtime activities that looked like fun, etc., because it would conflict with nap times. But we learned our lesson the few times we took a break from the schedule: it's really hard to calm an overtired child.

 

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, like katheliz says.

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Chat: you will be a mum soon and that´s great! So far, maybe , you´ve seen things through the eyes of a childless adult but once the baby´s there, it´s different. There is nothing more natural in the world than a crying baby, later toddler.

So my sweet little girl is a bit over a year old right now and, boy, has she been discovering her voice. She has mastered this blood curdling high pitch shriek that can be heard three rooms over. She likes to use it often and for mulitple uses. It can mean all of the following: anger, frustration, annoyance, ouch, give me that toy, give me some food, give me more food, give me the food quicker, give me my sippy cup, my sippy cup is now empty, I love my toy, I love running around the table, I love hiding behind the chair, please, don't leave the room, oh, the cat, I pooped my diaper, look a truck, and some other things that come up during the day. Shushing doesn't help; ignoring her doesn't help. Mostly we just pretend that she uses her indoor voice instead of the monster shriek to not let her see that she might able to use it against us. I'm sure it is just a phase that will end hopefully sooner rather than later, but the point is that it would be completely impossible for us to leave the house if we honestly tried to shield the community from a toddler's normal noise.

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You really a very strange person

For goodness's sake, read that back. Then take a look in the mirror. You sitting behind a PC insulting people and who only dares reel off a long list of whinges after others put the boot are....what exactly? Or the bullying mothers who routinely label anyone objecting to a noisy kid as "anti-kid"? Or the passive-aggressive cowards hiding behind red and green buttons?

 

I dont give a toss about your opinion. I am always astounded anyone else has so little going on that I am of any interest to them. Your presumptions are also totally wrong of course. But you know that, of course. Anything else doesn't fit a comforting narrative - people in neat boxes.

 

The welfare state is the "village" that bring up children. One of its big under-pinning principles. All well and good imho. (If you bothered to read properly, I am not criticising that. But why on earth do that when you can just let the red mist descend?)

 

I've been having great fun with several kids today. Not my kids you note. Rather more interest in other people's children than most parents. They adore me. I have total confidence in that area, one of my many skills :) . If you guys got off your hobby horses and engaged your brains then you might have figured that. But no, throw a hissy fit, jump on an easy bandwagon, hurl the value judgements. Most people cannot do ambiguity. That you can do that while also setting boundaries and giving personal opinions that might be inconsistent etc. Sure, if next door's kids kick the walls or whatever, I am going to sort it out: politely and assertively, nothing personal, absolutely no big deal.

 

By the way, today, as well has helping kids practising English, I did some pro bono work for a migrant group and a local charity, contributed to a newspaper campaign on UK homelessness and on capacity building in developing nations. And gave career input to a step-kid (other people's kids again).

 

And what have you paragons of virtue all done for the "village" beyond your own front door, and you and yours, exactly?

6

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Seriously? A whole page of replies went by and no one mentioned it?

Around these parts we don't tolerate slang like that...

We prefer "non-positive integer giving person", not "negger", thank you.

 

and oh, i have six children, kids will bekids, but only while they are kids, then they will be nice people or loud mouth bullies.

some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.

Or a strong loving hug, around the neck, with a rope.

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Sorry about the changes hams - was just thinking more as I was going along, formulating - honest :) . I don't think I'm one anyone can accuse of bothering very much about making things "palatable" although I sometimes try, you guys can't have it both ways ;) .

 

This it where it can easily go from a normal action (I think plenty of people here edit) is jumped on when someone is not in favour. Similarly, yes right, I usually make a point of not "justifying" myself for exactly the reason you say. But - again - when out of favour, you are even bad for doing good works.

 

Ta for the feedback all, however unpalatable (did not see till it popped up front page - yikes - have not been hiding, promise), sorry if I upset anyone, and goodnight :) .

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