teenager shoplifting

[Techsmex 13,367]

12 hours ago, Gambatte said:

A 14yr old "friend" of my 13yr old daugther shoplifts.

I'm fairly confident my own child was encouraged to do it too and, not sure how much, she probably took part in it. I learnt this indirectly (please don't ask).

 

We believe we have been good parents. Our finances are ok. We are devastated.

 

I think young people shoplifting are not particularly smart and the likelihood they get caught is high. In fact, I think this "friend" was caught already, Rossmann, which I'm very happy about.

 

On the other hand, I also guess the values involved are too low to justify police doing anything about it. So if they're caught and not much happens, this would be very bad because it would reinforce the criminal behaviour, so maybe even worse than them NOT getting caught. At least I hope parents are called, I would make sure something appropriate does happen, though again maybe they don't even bother calling the parents.

 

Comments?

 

Thank goodness these teens weren't caught beheading dead corpses. 

 

 

 

 

[LeonG 14,811]

2 hours ago, RajeshG said:

I would prefer the kiplette route if possible. I myself had stolen some money from my dad in 3rd grade and i got a solid thrashing. He even pretended to call the cops to take me away. i got shit scared. That was the end of my adventure. Did i get life long scarred from this - no, did i hate my dad - no. 

 

When I was probably 4 or 5 years old, I'd sneak into the room of my older brothers who must have been 16 and 20 at the time and swipe some change from their desk to put in my piggy bank.  The older one of the two caught me red handed.  There was no thrashing, no yelling, no threatening cops.  Just a talk about stealing and not doing it was all it took for me.

 

As for threatening cops, when I was a kid we believed that we could go to jail if we did something bad.  I think kids today are better informed.

[bramble 9,602]

Teenagers of that age are easily bullied and manipulated by their peers. There's the recent shocking case in Freudenberg of a 12 year old girl knifed to death by a 13 year old and 12 year old girl. They were supposed to have been friends. 

https://www.swr.de/swraktuell/rheinland-pfalz/koblenz/tote-zwoelfjaehrige-luise-aus-freudenberg-pressekonferenz-polizei-100.html

 

There's too much teenage brutality going on these days, so keep a watchful eye on her and the company she keeps. 

[robinson100 12,828]

@ Bramble - I totally agree with you about bullying etc, but tend to think the case you mention should be left out of this.

Freudenberg has barely been mentioned, simply because it leaves people speechless.

 

Back to shoplifting - we had a couple of girls (aged 12 and 13) get caught shoplifting by the in-house detective a little while ago.

They went around the store eating whatever took their fancy, and opening packages just to see what they contained.

Whilst waiting for the police to arrive, they sat in the tea-room, laughing and joking, and playing on their mobile phones, not in the least bit bothered about what was happening.

 

Weeks later, we, the staff, are still pondering at to what "went wrong" - should the parents be blamed? or the school system? or the choice of friends? or society as a whole?

 

I am glad that Gambatte is trying to nip any problem in the bud, and wish him the best of luck.

[snowingagain 5,357]

Our local Edeka has extra staff on at lunchtime rush from the schools.  Plenty of minor pilfering.  My children also knew this.  They distanced themselves at the till away from other kids. The had lost things through theft, and also realised how stupid they would look if they got caught.   I was pushed into nicking sweets as a child in primary school.  I was terrified!  Not my thing at all.  My big sister used to go shoplifting on Saturdays with her mates when she was older.  Mainly make up, sweets (Woolworths pick and mix, anyone?).   She turned into a Daily Mail, Brexit type, tutting about the youth of today.  

[kiplette 8,712]

2 hours ago, robinson100 said:

they sat in the tea-room, laughing and joking, and playing on their mobile phones, not in the least bit bothered about what was happening.

 

Wow, just wow.

 

I wonder if the appropriate experience for them would be to watch from afar as someone rifled through their bedroom, trying out their stuff, laughing and joking and idly ruining their favourite things...

 

1 hour ago, snowingagain said:

 She turned into a Daily Mail, Brexit type, tutting about the youth of today.

 

Not objectively funny, I know, but I'm going to be sniggering the rest of the week over that one, thanks 

[keith2011 2,648]

1 hour ago, snowingagain said:

  I was pushed into nicking sweets as a child in primary school.  I was terrified! 

 

16 hours ago, jeba said:

For a one-time offence that seems a bit over the top. When I was 13 or 14 I was part of a group of schoolmates who decided to steal something (no matter what) from Aldi as a test of courage. I opted for a pack of chewing gums. It has never happened again.

 

I doubt there are many of us who have not done that either as peer pressure a dare or the kick! The thing being that most of us quickly realise that sooner or later you will be caught and it is not worth getting into trouble for a packet of sweets, so stop doing it. A few dumb ones may continue and get caught before figuring out it was not a good idea but there will always be some who see it as an opportunity and decide the consequences of being caught are worth the risk and it is they who are on a slippery slope!

[kiplette 8,712]

My Mum back in the day taught in the 'Sin Bin' in Reading when such things still existed.

 

I remember her coming home on her birthday with a card from one of her pupils, which was a 'Happy Anniversary' card, and the kid apologised and said it was the one nearest the door...

[Pavo 6]

There's also a lesson in terms of building valuable relationships with school friends. A "friend" of my teen have once used my teen as a carrier of some candy (worth less than 1 eur), and in-house detective caught only my teen, while the originator run away. Later on we were invited to the Police where they gave a talk, like described in earlier post. All worked well I suppose and I'm sure it wasn't necessary for the in-house detective to inform the police.

We asked our teen to think of distancing from the other. It doesn't work that way. I spoke to the other teen's father, and he was obviously told different story, and his teen is saint, so that route was a dead end.

Overall I don't obsess over it much. I was pushed into helping some other kid nick some cheap items too, as a kid. We all wanted to do it once to try how it feels.

[optimista 5,887]

On 16/03/2023, 07:49:25, robinson100 said:

... they sat in the tea-room, laughing and joking...

 

 

I think in a society where both parents are working and screens win the battle for our kids' attention it is extremely difficult for parents - or any other adult - to exert enough, if any, influence. Mob rule fills the void.

 

Blame the parents ? I haven t got a clue what has been happening in my 17 yr old's life. She shut down years ago. Communication non-existent. I fear she is a victim of incest. She is certainly damaged. Disturbed. Traumatised. She says herself she has been sexually assaulted. By whom ? For how long ? There are no answers to my questions. From any quarter. I have felt and feel powerless. Am I to be blamed for negligence ? Disinterest ? Or harassment if I ask if she is still feeling suicidal ?

 

I attempted to put an end to a hysterical, violent outburst when she was being admitted to a psychiatric unit by a slap to her cheek. The result of that episode was a conviction for violence after a long and harrowing, dysfunctional judicial process that I am still coming to terms with.  The State made no distinction between habitual violence and a one-off incident in extreme circumstances. Lies were told. Facts misrepresented. Strategic omissions made. The gendarme on my case was barely literate and not up to the task of assessing a complex psychological situation. The whole thing was utterly dismal and went badly, badly wrong. I am waiting until she is 18 to be able even have a conversation about what happened and why.  She only needs to feel harassed -  encouraged and manipulated to think so by her warped, malevolent, lying father - and I could find myself back in a police cell.

 

I found that there is no institutional or societal support to manage what used to be fixed by a short, sharp and immediate clip round the ear. Not applied in anger, I hasten to add.

 

On the contrary, parental judgment and personal discretion in exercising discipline has been undermined by political correctness and the legal system. As a parent, your hands are tied. Your kids can hit you, but woe betide you if you hit them back.

[jubinjohn 239]

4 hours ago, optimista said:

 

I think in a society where both parents are working and screens win the battle for our kids' attention it is extremely difficult for parents - or any other adult - to exert enough, if any, influence. Mob rule fills the void.

 

Blame the parents ? I haven t got a clue what has been happening in my 17 yr old's life. She shut down years ago. Communication non-existent. I fear she is a victim of incest. She is certainly damaged. Disturbed. Traumatised. She says herself she has been sexually assaulted. By whom ? For how long ? There are no answers to my questions. From any quarter. I have felt and feel powerless. Am I to be blamed for negligence ? Disinterest ? Or harassment if I ask if she is still feeling suicidal ?

 

I attempted to put an end to a hysterical, violent outburst when she was being admitted to a psychiatric unit by a slap to her cheek. The result of that episode was a conviction for violence after a long and harrowing, dysfunctional judicial process that I am still coming to terms with.  The State made no distinction between habitual violence and a one-off incident in extreme circumstances. Lies were told. Facts misrepresented. Strategic omissions made. The gendarme on my case was barely literate and not up to the task of assessing a complex psychological situation. The whole thing was utterly dismal and went badly, badly wrong. I am waiting until she is 18 to be able even have a conversation about what happened and why.  She only needs to feel harassed -  encouraged and manipulated to think so by her warped, malevolent, lying father - and I could find myself back in a police cell.

 

I found that there is no institutional or societal support to manage what used to be fixed by a short, sharp and immediate clip round the ear. Not applied in anger, I hasten to add.

 

On the contrary, parental judgment and personal discretion in exercising discipline has been undermined by political correctness and the legal system. As a parent, your hands are tied. Your kids can hit you, but woe betide you if you hit them back.

That is a lot to go through as a parent. I hope you get the chance to clear everything and make it right. 

[HEM 11,160]

2 hours ago, jubinjohn said:

That is a lot to go through as a parent.

 

I can't tell you how thankful we were when we got our 2 children through school & Study/Ausbildung into full-time jobs without any major derailment.

Possibly because we kept them busy: son learnt to fly saiplanes (gaining his license) & daughter with riding - which at 30 she still does (when the damned beasts are not lame).

[snowingagain 5,357]

13 hours ago, HEM said:

 

I can't tell you how thankful we were when we got our 2 children through school & Study/Ausbildung into full-time jobs without any major derailment.  Possibly because we kept them busy: son learnt to fly saiplanes (gaining his license) & daughter with riding - which at 30 she still does (when the damned beasts are not lame).

It is difficult.  I know families who have several children who have lots of outside busy stuff.  But one is unhappy and goes astray.  Sure having lots of outlets may help.  But there are many children with fuck all going on, and they are fine.   It happens to the most priviliged with lots of activity and attention.  I speak from family experience.  Sorry, this is really badly written, I am trying to cook!  

[Anna66 2,691]

Here is a some great video from Dr Gabor Mate. He makes very good points indeed.

 

 

 

 

[Fietsrad 412]

Send your child to music school, there are plenty of those in Germany, to learn to play violin, that is difficult enough to keep them out of trouble.

 

Or in the country, they could join the junior freiwillige Feuerwehr.

[Gambatte 927]

14 hours ago, HEM said:

Possibly because we kept them busy: son learnt to fly saiplanes (gaining his license) & daughter with riding - which at 30 she still does (when the damned beasts are not lame).

This is exactly the problems we're having: she likes absolutely nothing.😭. I encouraged zillions of activities, sport, music, scout, dancing, art, everything.

Even therapist told us: make her doing something that she likes. Problem there is nothing that she likes.

During the 1yr that she, theoretically, played football, during training she was just sitting on the bench the whole time, chilling. When the coach asked her to enter a game, she simply refused and started crying.

[optimista 5,887]

Sounds like my daughter. Refusal to engage with anything. Including me. Then you are négligent and don t care. And some people (want to) believe it.

 

She does have a friend group. And a girlfriend.

[Anna66 2,691]

1 hour ago, Gambatte said:

This is exactly the problems we're having: she likes absolutely nothing.😭. I encouraged zillions of activities, sport, music, scout, dancing, art, everything.

Even therapist told us: make her doing something that she likes. Problem there is nothing that she likes.

During the 1yr that she, theoretically, played football, during training she was just sitting on the bench the whole time, chilling. When the coach asked her to enter a game, she simply refused and started crying.

 

Maybe the holiday with "Oma" will do her good.

 

It is never easy being a teenager. All those hormones going crazy in the body. My mum used to joke that she wished we were like Butterflies. Caterpillars turning into a cocoon so you skip puberty and just emerge as a butterfly (complete adult). Puberty sucks. Any time in someones life where the hormones are going crazy is difficult.

 

I wish you and your family the best.

[snowingagain 5,357]

On 18/03/2023, 07:49:09, Fietsrad said:

Send your child to music school, there are plenty of those in Germany, to learn to play violin, that is difficult enough to keep them out of trouble.

 

Or in the country, they could join the junior freiwillige Feuerwehr.

Lordy.   Poor chiild, and poor violin teacher.  Also the FF can be cliquey too.  Then again, she might I suppose, find a sudden love for the violin and then dedicate herself to the many hours required to make it sound anything but awful.  Also, she might fit in with FF.  Added complication is she would be joining both these activities very late, age wise.

[LeonG 14,811]

On 3/16/2023, 7:49:25, robinson100 said:

Back to shoplifting - we had a couple of girls (aged 12 and 13) get caught shoplifting by the in-house detective a little while ago.

They went around the store eating whatever took their fancy, and opening packages just to see what they contained.

Whilst waiting for the police to arrive, they sat in the tea-room, laughing and joking, and playing on their mobile phones, not in the least bit bothered about what was happening.

 

I am quite sure there were kids like that too when we were growing up.  We just didn't know them.

 

4 hours ago, snowingagain said:

 Then again, she might I suppose, find a sudden love for the violin and then dedicate herself to the many hours required to make it sound anything but awful.  Also, she might fit in with FF.  Added complication is she would be joining both these activities very late, age wise.

 

Yes, you never know. Nobody should write themselves off as too old to try something new, especially at 13.  One of my nieces started gymnastics at age 13.  Sure she was old and I don't think she won any medals but she had fun, made friends and was later on the coaching team, training younger kids.