Backing out of a new job due to relocation difficulties?

[Pandekage 34]

I already know this is an asshole move on my part, but any feedback and input on this major decision in my life would be really helpful; I haven't had anyone else to discuss this with.

 

I've worked at my current employer (Office A) in a major northern German city for about three years now, the boss/colleagues/projects/work environment are all great, but I've been missing a bit of internationality back in Berlin, where I used to study, and where a lot of my friends are. So I interviewed and got a job offer with Office B in Berlin, went and signed the job contract, and went to give my notice (Kündigung) to Office A.

My boss was very disappointed and actually counter-offered, offering more money, different roles, and even help with finding an apartment (I had mentioned I had only ever lived in WGs during my time in Germany). I was very torn, but being placed on the spot - and given I had already signed my new job contract - I respectfully declined. I'm now in my Kündigungsfrist with one month left.

 

Then came time to apartment hunt, and I was reminded why I left in the first place - the absurd housing market. On my new salary (which is the same as my old one) and, hate to say it but statistically as a single non-European male, I have absolutely no chance of finding my own place, and I really didn't want to bounce around WGs for years to come. I'm already immensely stressing out from PTSD from my last fruitless housing search as a student there.

 

Suddenly the ideals of moving back to Berlin pale in comparison to having a higher salary, an actual permanent apartment, and a job that I know I like. I'm fairly certain my boss would gladly take me back (he hasn't announced my departure publicly yet), but I'm not sure how I should go about requesting a mutual cancellation of my contract with Office B (Aufhebungsvertrag). I know I legally have no right to this, but what is the likelihood of them accepting it? And how should I approach my old firm regarding staying on?

 

And, last of all, any thoughts as to my dilemma about Berlin apartment hunting? Is it just relocation jitters, or am I better off staying away from Berlin? Thanks so much

[catjones 1,649]

I don't think you're a person who should be making any decisions.

[Fietsrad 379]

I really would try to go back to the old job.

 

I made a similar mistake once, worked one day in the new job, knew it was wrong, quietly disappeared, managed to rejoin the organisation I had just left😉

[LeonG 14,705]

10 hours ago, Pandekage said:

Suddenly the ideals of moving back to Berlin pale in comparison to having a higher salary, an actual permanent apartment, and a job that I know I like. I'm fairly certain my boss would gladly take me back (he hasn't announced my departure publicly yet), but I'm not sure how I should go about requesting a mutual cancellation of my contract with Office B (Aufhebungsvertrag). I know I legally have no right to this, but what is the likelihood of them accepting it? And how should I approach my old firm regarding staying on?

 

Tell your boss you've thought it over and you want to stay.  I'm sure he'll be happy.  Tell your new boss that your old employer made you an offer you couldn't refuse.  It happens.  Sure they don't have to sign an aufhebungsvertrag with you but it's not in their best interest either to have you show up and immediately give your 2 weeks probezeit notice.

[optimista 5,776]

13 hours ago, Pandekage said:

I already know this is an asshole move ...

 

Your instincts are screaming at, you loud and clear. So heed them ! You are allowed to change your mind.

 

What the others said. The helpful ones, that is.

[Metall 14,483]

In the last few years, my company lost several new employees who backed out because they couldn't find affordable housing!

[catjones 1,649]

On 7/4/2022, 3:45:51, LeonG said:

Tell your boss you've thought it over and you want to stay.  I'm sure he'll be happy

The manager will be "happy" knowing he has a dissatisfied employee who is actively looking for a new job elsewhere and could leave at any moment.

[RedMidge 6,606]

Oh well- grovel time!  People do change their minds, and if he is valued, then his old boss might be happy to have him back.

[Fietsrad 379]

Talk to your old boss, perhaps you could ask for even more money, and explain about wanting your own home. Oftentimes someone in your situation who returns to the old employer could be particularly successful.

 

Berlin is much too big, I would not want to live there😕

[LeonG 14,705]

2 hours ago, catjones said:

The manager will be "happy" knowing he has a dissatisfied employee who is actively looking for a new job elsewhere and could leave at any moment.

 

He asked him to stay and offered a raise so I think he'll be happy. He'll have an employee who wanted to leave and then realized the grass isn't always greener on the other side 

[warsteiner70 280]

15 hours ago, catjones said:

The manager will be "happy" knowing he has a dissatisfied employee who is actively looking for a new job elsewhere and could leave at any moment.

This isn't necessarily the case. I handed my notice in to my current employer 12 years ago after I was offered another job with a different company. They countered the offer and offered me a better wage and also a good development plan so I could progress more with the company as this was one of the reasons I was leaving so I stayed with the current company and advised the other company that I wouldn't be accepting their offer. This happens quite often and the company whose offer I ended up rejecting didn't have a problem with it as they knew the reasons I was looking to leave was career development.

 

Employees are only 'dissatisfied' if they aren't getting want they want from their current employer and if a current employer is able to offer them what they want (or part of what they are looking for) then they will no longer be dissatisfied. It works out for both sides - the company know what the employee is like and are happy for them to continue working there and the employee knows what the company is like and is happy to remain there. 

 

I had never bothered looking for employment with another company as I was able to achieve my career ambitions with my current company so it wasn't like I was looking for another job several months later.

 

 

[catjones 1,649]

I'm sure there are many marriages where one spouse was unfaithful and "forgiven".  The betrayed half never forgets.

As for the OP and the "happy" manager, consider this:  if the OP gets a raise (a reward, bait) to return, the OP can now go back into the market and command an even higher salary..a win-win for him.  The manager is left with an unfaithful employee that he just paid more for...a lose-lose.for him.   In some companies, there are HR rules that prohibit an employee who quits to return within a time period (usually a year).

 

P.S. I know there are exceptions to every rule.

[toBnruG 1,127]

On 03/07/2022, 23:46:45, Pandekage said:

And, last of all, any thoughts as to my dilemma about Berlin apartment hunting? Is it just relocation jitters, or am I better off staying away from Berlin?

Did you yet contact Office B to alert them to the fact that you cannot find accommodation in Berlin? Perhaps you don't want that job / that location anymore anyway, in which case this point is mute. But my first point of call would always be to alert the future employer that there is a high risk of not being able to fulfill the new contract due to not finding housing. Perhaps they can help? Perhaps they would be willing to give you accommodation for a period while you search for yourself?

It should come as no surprise to them that somebody from outside of Berlin is struggling to find something, and it seems a pretty solid reason for cancelling the contract with no hard feelings.