Father thinks he can take child with him in custody battle

90 posts in this topic

This Wednesday I will have the second court processing. I asked for sole custody. 

Lots has happened since then.

For one thing, I sent my kid regularly to my ex in Hungary. 

One of the things that was mandated as a result of the last court order was to hand me the passport of the child. Until now he has refused to do so. 

However, I asked for cull custody because I need to enroll my child in a new kindegarten in September, and my ex refuses to sign the kindergarten contract. I told Jugendamt that I this will happen regularly, as my ex will refuse to sign anything that involves my child to make my life miserable. He told me so. 

Now... as to whether I will get full custody... this is the question I have for you guys. 

Full custody does not mean I will stop sending my child to his father. So far I have done it, and will continue to do it. 

Oh, and there was another thing. My ex bought a music player for my child where he recorded for him some music. However, he recorded himself as well where he says how much of a garbage mother I am. I sent this to Jugendamt too. It is quite terrible. My child is 5. When I confronted my ex about it, he told me it is not of my business what he tells his child. This is a recording. My child can listen to it over and over. 

So the question of the day: do I have a chance to get full custody? He will continue to refuse to sign anything I need his signature for just because he can. 

Thank you to all who reply. 

 

 

 

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17 hours ago, Proton Anna said:

One of the things that was mandated as a result of the last court order was to hand me the passport of the child. Until now he has refused to do so. 

Don't you have the Aufenthaltsbestimmungsrecht? If so, it wouldn't hurt to ask whether you can apply for a new passport for your child, given the circumstances.

 

17 hours ago, Proton Anna said:

However, he recorded himself as well where he says how much of a garbage mother

Souds like he shot himself into the foot by doing so. The court won't look at this favourably.

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Sorry I'm jumping into this discussion out of the blue, not really properly participating and without having read all...

 

One thing that does strike me is the fact that you "send" the child to the father abroad (btw how do you "send" him? You take him, right? Or you let the father take the child to Hungary for a while?), and the father, him being the nasty individual you are reporting, bent on causing you hardship, does regularly "send" the child back to you???

I don't mean anything bad, but this does seem a little unrealistic. Or am I missing something? Isn't the father tempted to hold the child over there, with him in Hungary, fully knowing that although kindnap is a very serious crime is also difficult for you or anyone to properly fight it?

 

Apologies for being brutal. Though I don't believe this hasn't already crossed your mind.

All the best,

 

Alberto 

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Yep, she applied and got  Aufenthaltsbestimmungsrecht for that reason. 

 

On 30/06/2022, 19:53:06, Proton Anna said:

he told me it is not of my business what he tells his child.

 

Well that's horrible and he may find the Jugendamt very much takes it as their business. I hope so.

 

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47 minutes ago, Gambatte said:

One thing that does strike me is the fact that you "send" the child to the father abroad (btw how do you "send" him? You take him, right? Or you let the father take the child to Hungary for a while?), and the father, him being the nasty individual you are reporting, bent on causing you hardship, does regularly "send" the child back to you???

 

Both parents were living in Germany with the child until the divorce where the father opted to move back to his home country, Hungary.  Initially the father had suggested that the child (who is 5 if memory serves me right) should relocate every month to spend equal time with both parents.  When the mother did not think that this was the best idea, the father threatened to take the child to Hungary with him for good.  That's when the mother applied for aufenthaltsbestimmungsrecht.

 

Of course it is risky for her to let the father take the child to Hungary as he might at some point decide not to bring him back and Hungarian authorities might not be of much help.  However, the father does get visitation so it's impossible for him to stop him bringing the child to Hungary if he wants to.  He can simply drive there.  It doesn't take long to get to a border.

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1 hour ago, Gambatte said:

Sorry I'm jumping into this discussion out of the blue, not really properly participating and without having read all...

 

One thing that does strike me is the fact that you "send" the child to the father abroad (btw how do you "send" him? You take him, right? Or you let the father take the child to Hungary for a while?), and the father, him being the nasty individual you are reporting, bent on causing you hardship, does regularly "send" the child back to you???

I don't mean anything bad, but this does seem a little unrealistic. Or am I missing something? Isn't the father tempted to hold the child over there, with him in Hungary, fully knowing that although kindnap is a very serious crime is also difficult for you or anyone to properly fight it?

 

Apologies for being brutal. Though I don't believe this hasn't already crossed your mind.

All the best,

 

Alberto 

When I got the Aufenthaltbestimmungrecht, I agreed or I told the court I am willing to let the father have access to his child on a regular basis, whether that was in Germany or abroad. In return, the father was required to give me back the passport. For a while, both the father and I managed to get along, and I hoped I would get the passport pretty soon. What did happn instead was that i found this recording where he said really nasty things about it. I confronted him about it and he got really nasty, saying it wasn;t my business what he told his kid. 

Now at this point, I do fear that the father will not return the child. From what I did understand, because the court ruled that the child can stay with me, if he will not be returned, the police will interneve and return him to me. It is not so hard to trace my ex, as he has a registered address in a specific town (I don't know the address, but I know the town). 

I can apply for a new passport. I do need his signature though. The father's. 

My question was whether I have a chance to gain sole custody. I have three things in my hand: no passport (despite the request that i get it), the recording (very nasty) and the fact that the father refused to sign the kidergarten contract, which is a really important thing for my child. I can also argue that I have been flexible andaccomodating enough, having sent my child regularly to see his father (which is true). 

 

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11 hours ago, Proton Anna said:

My question was whether I have a chance to gain sole custody.

The only way to find out is to apply for it. You might want to ask the Jugendamt for their opinion/ experience, but in the end it will depend on the judge. I don't think it's necessary to have full sole custody to enroll your child to Kindergarten. The court or Jugendamt should be able to sign on the father's behalf.

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8 hours ago, jeba said:

The only way to find out is to apply for it. You might want to ask the Jugendamt for their opinion/ experience, but in the end it will depend on the judge. I don't think it's necessary to have full sole custody to enroll your child to Kindergarten. The court or Jugendamt should be able to sign on the father's behalf.

I asked Jugendamt and they told me to do another Antrag to have the contract signed. Yes, one does not need to have sole custody to ahve the contract signed, but my argument is the following: do I need to do an Antrag every time I need a darn signature? Because if he doesn't want to sign something so banal as a Kindergarten contract, he will not sign anything in the future as well. He even told me so that he will not cooperate to make my life as difficult as possible. 

I guess we will wait and see what will happen on Wednesday. I will do another post entry to let you all know. 

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18 hours ago, Proton Anna said:

do I need to do an Antrag every time I need a darn signature?

Until you get custody yes, but remember every time he makes you jump through this hoop your argument for custody gets stronger and his gets weaker.

This is a marathon not a sprint, you are going to have to fight on for a while, but when he is being this much of a dick, you surely will win.

Good luck.

 

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5 hours ago, pappnase said:

Until you get custody yes, but remember every time he makes you jump through this hoop your argument for custody gets stronger and his gets weaker.

This is a marathon not a sprint, you are going to have to fight on for a while, but when he is being this much of a dick, you surely will win.

Good luck.

 

For him, signing something for me means having to bow to the unfairness and injustice that he "lost" him son. And this is something he would never accept. On the contrary, as I am the main culprit responsible for this crime, he intends to make my life as difficult as possible by never cooperating. He told me so. The fact that he "lost" his child (lost Aufenthaltsbestimmungrecht) because he decided to leave the country despite our initial agreement that we split custody in half if he would have stayed around would entail him actually taking responsibility for his actions, and that, God forbid, can never see the light of day. 

In the meanwhile I have another contract I need signed. I don't have Kindergarten in August, so I want to enroll my son to a Tagesmutter. I need his signature for that too. 

Tomorrow's the big day. 

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4 minutes ago, Proton Anna said:

For him, signing something for me means having to bow to the unfairness and injustice that he "lost" him son

 

Yeah but fortunately what it means to him is just an irrelevance. He needs to act in the best interest of his son, and to be seen to be acting in the best interest of his son by the authorities.

At the moment the appearance from your posting here is that he is acting like a spoiled child and trying to deliberately block you from supporting his son.

That is clearly not in the boys best interest and will be frowned on by the authorities.

Stay strong, and good luck tomorrow.

 

 

 

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Update: I did not get alleine Sorgerecht. The judge told me I have to do a new Antrag, that I probablky need a lawyer, and that for such a Verfahren, she will order a Gutachter. I only got the Kindergarten contract signed. Not from my ex, who exploded, but the judge authorized me to enroll my child in kindergarten without the father's signature. 

The judge advised me to get this done asap. So I have to go through this all over again. 

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What a tool.
Get a lawyer, get your Antrag going!!
Best of luck.

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1 hour ago, Metall said:

What a tool.

 

There's are almost always two sides to every divorce, even when the one side sounds so convincing.  If facts are being asked for, I have no problem answering when I can, but I try not to judge the anonymous and silent other side.  "A divorce is between two selfish people".

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6 hours ago, catjones said:

"A divorce is between two selfish people".

 

Disagree. The tools are out there. And will exploit the vulnerable. Self préservation is not a selfish act. It can be a matter of life or death.

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Nah...

I had my faults too. I went too far when it was clear the relationship was not working. Then we had a kid, thinking it would make it better. It made it worse. Then I waited some more. I should have gotten out. Was so scared. 

I don't think divorce is a selfish act. It is what it is. Depends on so many factors. 

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1 hour ago, Proton Anna said:

I don't think divorce is a selfish act

 

Really?  I must be reading somebody else's post...

concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage

 

You and others might be confusing selfish with greedy or stingy.  Even when there's an amicable divorce, it's between two selfish people.

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On 10/01/2022, 11:38:46, MikeMelga said:

Not that it can prevent much, but you could get a cheap GPS watch for your son. If he leaves a "safe zone", you will be immediately notified and alert authorities.

Problem is he can leave the country within 1h. But you can track him, as long as he does not find the watch.

Another issue is that those smart watches don't work so well and battery only last 1-2 days.

And the father will not be aware of this? Hey kid what's this new fancy smart watch you are wearing?

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