Father thinks he can take child with him in custody battle

60 posts in this topic

2 hours ago, Proton Anna said:

Nevertheless, if it would to happen to me that my ex would take my kid, I would imagine it would take months until I would get my kid back. My child is 5 years old. I can't imagine something like this. 

 

That's the problem really.  If he does take the child, even if authorities side with you, it can take months.  Yes, you are the mother, but  you are also the foreigner.  It's a bad situation.  You need to talk to jugendamt and a lawyer asap.  It would be best if you can convince him that if he tries this, he will lose custody as well as visitation.  Maybe Jugendamt can help.  The cases I found are old.  Maybe you can find newer cases to cite.

 

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8 minutes ago, LeonG said:

 

That's the problem really.  If he does take the child, even if authorities side with you, it can take months.  Yes, you are the mother, but  you are also the foreigner.  It's a bad situation.  You need to talk to jugendamt and a lawyer asap.  It would be best if you can convince him that if he tries this, he will lose custody as well as visitation.  Maybe Jugendamt can help.  The cases I found are old.  Maybe you can find newer cases to cite.

 

Thank you

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If I was in your shoes I would see a lawyer in Familienrecht asap also. They can be your advocate with the Jugendamt of you need one. I think the lawyer can advise about whether or not it makes sense to go for sole custody.

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15 minutes ago, murphaph said:

If I was in your shoes I would see a lawyer in Familienrecht asap also. They can be your advocate with the Jugendamt of you need one. I think the lawyer can advise about whether or not it makes sense to go for sole custody.

Right. This is what I will do on Monday. 

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On 1/7/2022, 9:03:25, Proton Anna said:

Right. This is what I will do on Monday. 

 

tip: don't wait until Monday to line up some phone numbers to call.  Use your time today for researching possible Rechtsanwalt.  

 

also, maybe there are nonprofits out there that might give you some advice on the logistical, practical aspects of 'what to do' about the concern of the child being taken to Hungary.  For example, is it a good idea, or a bad idea, to get the child's Hungarian grandparents involved?  Would they say to their son "don't do anything crazy"?  Or maybe they'd say to their son "sounds great, come home and bring our grandchild"?   Perhaps there are nonprofits in Romania that you can speak with by phone in your native language that might have practical advice. 

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25 minutes ago, DoubleDTown said:

 

tip: don't wait until Monday to line up some phone numbers to call.  Use your time today for researching possible Rechtsanwalt.  

 

also, maybe there are nonprofits out there that might give you some advice on the logistical, practical aspects of 'what to do' about the concern of the child being taken to Hungary.  For example, is it a good idea, or a bad idea, to get the child's Hungarian grandparents involved?  Would they say to their son "don't do anything crazy"?  Or maybe they'd say to their son "sounds great, come home and bring our grandchild"?   Perhaps there are nonprofits in Romania that you can speak with by phone in your native language that might have practical advice. 

Thank you

The Hungarian grandmother, my ex's mother, is a psychopath who does not care about anyone but herself. She has such a bad relationship with her only son, my ex, that he refuses to move near her. So I cannot count on her at all. 

He posted on a prublic facebook forum about this, saying he is thinking about taking the child and leaving, and 99% of the people there advised him against it, saying it is kdinapping. Yet I read his reply where he said he does not believe it would be kidnapping, and that he has the right to do it. So clearly he only hears what he wants. This was always the case. 

I already spoke with Tusch. I was only born in Romania, lived in Canada my whole life, so I don't have many roots there. However, there is plenty of help here in Germany. 

Yes, I will call a few lawyers asap on Monday. I will also stop working, write myself sick, until I get full custody of my son, even temporary, because I can't leave him with his father for longer p[eriods of time. I am very curious how Jugendamt will react on Monday. If worse comes to worse, I will move to a Frauenhaus. I just need the confirmaition that I can leave with my son. And I assume this is something that needs to be approved my judge, lawyer or Jugendamt. 

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New Year is a busy time for family upheaval. The Frauenhaus may be already overstretched and will in any case not be a holiday camp. You haven t said if violence is a factor but those women who are in physical danger may need a place urgently too.

 

Do nothing in haste.

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12 hours ago, optimista said:

Do nothing in haste.

Bad advice, this!

 

The OP's son may be in imminent danger of being kidnapped!

I would in fact say move somewhere else this very night, make screenshots of the father's Facebook posts  where the ex states his intentions, and contact the Jugendamt tomorrow morning.

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Hmm. Whem my hubby threatened to abscond with child, I wished him good luck cos he was gonna need it. (She was a handfull...). He thought about it and went nowhere.:lol:

 

There s a world of difference between mouthing off on FB after a disappointing festive season and taking action. Moving countries with a small traumatised child is quite a big chunk to chew. Letting the dust settle may or may not be a wise choice, depending on the circumstances. Idem jumping out of chip pan into fire.

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But in any case the OP needs to show the Jugendamt the screenshots of ex threatening the kidnapping on Facebook.

This can cost him his partial custody.

 

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18 minutes ago, Metall said:

But in any case the OP needs to show the Jugendamt the screenshots of ex threatening the kidnapping on Facebook.

This can cost him his partial custody.

 

I have all the posts. I actually have links to the posts. The woman who contacted me with the posts and links has spoken with me on the phone, and she lives in Germany and is willing to speak with jugendamt too, if needed. I have more proof than I need. 

I just can't believe this whole thing. This is the man I married, the father of my child. Until 2 months ago I was willing to do split custody, 50/50. We had no issues whatsoever, until he decided to move to Hungary and wanted the child. Despite the arrogance and stupidity, I know deep down he is a good person, and is certainly a great father. He had a minor stroke a few weeks ago. He loves his child, his child loves him. It just makes me so sad that he is so arrogant, so selfish. It really didn't have to be like this.

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Not that it can prevent much, but you could get a cheap GPS watch for your son. If he leaves a "safe zone", you will be immediately notified and alert authorities.

Problem is he can leave the country within 1h. But you can track him, as long as he does not find the watch.

Another issue is that those smart watches don't work so well and battery only last 1-2 days.

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3 minutes ago, MikeMelga said:

Not that it can prevent much, but you could get a cheap GPS watch for your son. If he leaves a "safe zone", you will be immediately notified and alert authorities.

Problem is he can leave the country within 1h. But you can track him, as long as he does not find the watch.

Another issue is that those smart watches don't work so well and battery only last 1-2 days.

He is too small to wear watches for long periods of time. He usually takes them off. I will stop working and be home, so always watch him. My job will suffer, my finances as well. But I have no other option at this moment

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35 minutes ago, Proton Anna said:

He is too small to wear watches for long periods of time. He usually takes them off. I will stop working and be home, so always watch him. My job will suffer, my finances as well. But I have no other option at this moment

 

There are small GPS trackers meant for pets. If he has a favorite stuffed toy that wouldn't be left behind, you could hide one inside.  Could also be sewn into a winter jacket.

 

Make sure you have screenshots as well as links to his posts in case he deletes.

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1 hour ago, Proton Anna said:

I have all the posts. I actually have links to the posts.

Screenshot and print them.

Links are great but posts can be deleted.

 

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Dear all,

I would like to do an update of the current situation. 

 

Last Friday we had an appointment with Jugendamt, and as soon as the social worker started to explain to my future to be ex that the 50/50 custody concept across countries (one month in Hungary with the father, one month in Germany with the mother) would be a really bad idea for our 5 year old, my soon to be ex got up, thanked her for her time and left. 

 

This week I applied for an Aufenhaltsbestimmungsrecht. I did this with a lawyer, as I believe it would be better to do it with somebody that knows the law as opposed to filing it alone. I assume all this lawyer stuff will cost me, but it is about my child, and I don't want to make mistakes that I will regret afterwards just because I wanted to save a few pennies. I have a fear that my ex will take the child and go to Hungary. This is because he has already taken the child's passport, and on facebook he posted on a public group that he intends to do this when he finally leaves Germany for good, which he assumes will be at the end of February. I made a screenshot and had someone translate his posts from Hungarian to German, and I included this all in the application for the Aufenhaltsbestimmungsrecht.

 

I assume I will be granted the Aufenhaltsbestimmungsrecht. My ex does not know that I applied for this, and he will explode when he will find out. If he gets too "confrontational" (which he often does, to say the least), does this Aufenhaltsbestimmungsrecht give me the right to pack up and leave with the child to an unknown address (we are srtill living under the same roof)? Or could that be used against me later in court? Of course, these are questions that I need to ask my lawyer. However, I would like to ask them beforehand here. 

 

What is the next step when it comes to custody? I understand that I need to go to a judge to settle the custody issue. I assume I cannot or should not apply for sole custody? I do not intend to stop my son from seeing his dad, but if his dad is no longer in Germany, I am thinking sole custody would be easier for me from an administrative standpoint. Nevertheless, I need the custody issue to be settled in court. So what would be next after this? 

 

Thanks 

Proton Mom

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If your ex gets "confrontational" to the point that you worry about your and your childs safety, you can call the police and ask them to escort you and your child to a frauenhaus.  Nobody will fault you for that.

 

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This may help as well:  KINDESENTFÜHRUNG: Sorgerecht | SCHEIDUNG.de

 

Once you have the aufenthaltsbestimmungsrecht, you can register your child with border control or something like that.  However, since border police is not checking every car and you are close to the border, it is possible that your husband could escape Germany with your child before you can even react. 

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