How to date as an almost 40 expat?

82 posts in this topic

I've been married for more than 10 years. But, I lost my family a few years ago in my home country, and after a few years I decided to move to Germany to have a new start in life. So, I moved here a year ago and found a job. I spent most of my time on my job and on learning the language. So I tried to keep myself busy and mostly had social interactions with a couple of my coworkers here.

 

But, I really feel lonely in life and want to socialize more and meet nice people and have a couple of dates so that I may also find love again in my life. Well, I'm almost 40, and have not dated any ladies since more than 10 years ago. I'm also not so familiar how these things work here in Germany, especially if a middle age person wants to look for a nice person or even improve his social life in a new country.

 

Maybe some tips from you can be useful to me.

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Join a club - Verein - which does something you are interested in. Walking, museums, sport, there's a club for everything in Germany. Or classes at the VHS or similar - the options are vast.

 

That way, you meet people with at least one thing in common with you, and you are enjoying doing something you like whilst hopefully meeting pleasant people. Keep it light, enjoy making friends and don't make finding The One the main thing, else that's offputting...

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Some activities are very popular with ladies: choirs, dancing for example. Societies practising those activities may be very short of male members and should be very glad if you joined.

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1 hour ago, kiplette said:

Join a club - Verein - which does something you are interested in. Walking, museums, sport, there's a club for everything in Germany. Or classes at the VHS or similar - the options are vast.

Well. I like doing sports, not in a professional way. But, back in the old days, I was going to the gym and bouldering with some of my old friends in my home country. I know there are such places here. But, I always looked at them as places to go to keep fit, and not necessarily to meet people. 

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I'm sorry to hear about your family. I'm almost 40, and while I am not on the market, I do think about what I would do were my relationship to fall apart.

 

Have you thought about Tinder as a first step? I would deffo get on that, just for kicks to see how far I got. Heck, I'm curious about how I'd fare even now, but I feel putting myself on a dating app, even just as an experiment, would be going too far...

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48 minutes ago, sanim said:

Well. I like doing sports, not in a professional way. But, back in the old days, I was going to the gym and bouldering with some of my old friends in my home country. I know there are such places here. But, I always looked at them as places to go to keep fit, and not necessarily to meet people. 

I am wishing you luck. I was in a dark place emotionally and met my current partner, Nicole , at a sports club. I didn't fancy doing any workout stuff or bike treading but noticed a flamenco dance session in a room.. so I went in! 

I was useless and kept falling over but that was enough for Nicole!😂

That was 23 years ago! I was in my 40s.

I still fall over a lot - but for other reasons!😂

 

( Disclaimer- I'm sure it helped I was the only male there! Loads of males were watching stupid Formula One on the bar telly!)😂

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1 hour ago, Fietsrad said:

Some activities are very popular with ladies: choirs, dancing for example. Societies practising those activities may be very short of male members and should be very glad if you joined.

😂

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22 minutes ago, john g. said:

I still fall over a lot - but for other reasons!

 

Alcohol? If not, you really need to get checked out my friend.

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53 minutes ago, kiplette said:

In his case dodgy eyes and multiple dog leads to trip over, I should imagine...

 

My wife recently fell over one our dogs in the living room, had a major nose bleed & a beautiful black eye and bruised face.

She had to visit a Dr. this week for some other reason & the Dr. seemd to doubt her story.

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49 minutes ago, HEM said:

My wife recently fell over one our dogs in the living room, had a major nose bleed & a beautiful black eye and bruised face.  She had to visit a Dr. this week for some other reason & the Dr. seemd to doubt her story.

Many years ago a boxer who wanted to engage with my dog ran at lightning speed and grazed me behind the knees. Fell backward with full force, glasses were ejected a good 6 ft. away, and several hours later I had excruciating neck pain. My doctor who diagnosed the whiplash and the treating PT both said they had seen all manner of dog related accidents. Good story now.  😂  Was horrid at the time.  All my best to Frau HEM.

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1 minute ago, BethAnnBitt said:

Many years ago a boxer who wanted to engage with my dog

 

For a second, I thought you meant a human boxer. :D

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OK, this thread isn’t about tripping or stumbling 👻.

 

You can meet single ladies at wine tastings if you like wine or visit yoga classes. Book clubs. Just some ideas.

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Just now, LukeSkywalker said:

You can meet single ladies at wine tastings if you like wine or visit yoga classes. Book clubs. Just some ideas.

Or by getting a cute small 🐕.  My husband learned this when walking my pooch.  😉 

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14 minutes ago, LukeSkywalker said:

OK, this thread isn’t about tripping or stumbling 👻.

 

You can meet single ladies at wine tastings if you like wine or visit yoga classes. Book clubs. Just some ideas.

You've never stumbled into a relationship, Luke?😂❤️👍

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54 minutes ago, LukeSkywalker said:

OK, this thread isn’t about tripping or stumbling 👻.

 

You can meet single ladies at wine tastings if you like wine or visit yoga classes. Book clubs. Just some ideas.

What happens if you meet married ladies at wine tastings or yoga classes?😂

( No idea!😂)

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You could join a Beschwerdechor, Complaining Choir, there are several in big towns. They sing complaining humorously about all sorts of things. Weather, Corona, Loneliness, Bundespolitik. I guess male members are in the minority.

 

I was in a Pub Quiz group, not in a pub fortunately, that was fun. But it was run by retired people, we met at 8pm, that was a bit late because I was still working. The retired people are so busy, that was the only suitable time %)

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Just wondering if there is a Toytown group in your area, sanim? Some cities have them where people from this forum meet up for curries or whatever. A chance to make friends.

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I know Covid might put a spanner in the works but I used to be in a hill-walking club before In moved to Germany - great way to meet new people. Another suggestion: offer to be a tandem partner in English conversation?

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