Divorcing with a small child, hubby wants to leave DE and have him every 3 months

[Proton Anna 63]

Dear all, 

So I am asking about this shitstorm I am in. We are divorcing, we have been separated for a while now. Fine. We have a small child and I (the mother) have always been of the opinion that the father should have equal custody rights. I even found an apartment really close by to where the father chose to stay so he can see the child whenever he wants to, and have him every 2 or 3 days, for the equal amount of days, if he so chooses. Fine. 

Now my trainwreck of a future-to-be ex wants to leave Germany and wants to move back to his native Hungary. He thinks he can earn more money there opening a construction business, as the one he has here is not working out. But he wants me to send the kid, 5 years old, every 3 months for 3 months there. So share custody on an international level. Neither of us are German citizens, but I can apply for it within the next few months, and I hope it can work out. 

Moving countries every 3 months would be a horrible shock for a small child. Of course I refused. However I have to play my cards right. If this would end up in court, which I assume it will, what would the judge decide? Can this even be considered? Or would I get full custody rights? Did anyone even attempt this? 

Any ideas or advices would be much appreciated. 

 

Proton Mom

[robinson100 12,828]

A few thoughts, although I have no legal training or anything like that, but my thoughts might help a bit.

 

1 - 3 months here and 3 months there is no way going to fit in with the German school system, and if it came to a court decision, would not be approved

2 - courts usually decide for the Mother to get custody

3 - how does Ex want to run a company and take care of a toddler?

4 - find yourself an English-speaking lawyer and get some real advice from somebody qualified to know the ropes

 

and last, but not least:

5 - calm down - this is neither doing you nor your little one and good!

 

[PandaMunich 16,704]

20 minutes ago, Proton Anna said:

However I have to play my cards right. If this would end up in court, which I assume it will, what would the judge decide?

It will be shared custody, but you as the mother will get the Aufenthaltsbestimmungsrecht, i.e. you get to decide in which location the child lives.

I don't see the judge allowing the child to travel outside Germany until he/she is at least 10, and even then only for holidays, i.e. up to 2 weeks.

 

Please read: https://www.toytowngermany.com/wiki/Divorce_in_Germany

[Metall 14,539]

From what I hear, a custody court will take a very dim view of removing a minor child from the country (way too many kidnapppings by angry parents have happened), and you would have to give written permission for every trip!

Don't do it.

[LeonG 14,810]

Child is 5 so almost in school.  3 vs. 3 months will definitely not work with school so if you do this, you can expect some arguments later when it comes to registering the child for school and in which country this will be done.  Another thing to worry about is what happens if he simply registers the child in school in Hungary and refuses to return him.

 

This is old: https://www.international-divorce.com/2014/12/hungary-and-hague-abduction-convention.html but unless things have changed drastically in the last few years, Hungary is not very good about respecting the Hague convention and returning children who have been abducted by a parent.

[Metall 14,539]

That makes it even worse. If your ex is moving to Hungary, you had better apply for full custody.

[Proton Anna 63]

Thank you for all replies. I will consult a lawyer, however I assume this will be pretty straightforward. I won't allow the kid to leave the country every few months because it is absolutely nuts to even consider it. I just hope I won't have to spend too much money on lawyers and court sessions, as I don't see the dilemma here. 

In the past we decided to joint custody and I made a point to be very flexible. I even found an apartment 10 k  away from my ex to allow him to see our son whenever he wanted. I also agreed on sharing custody equally with my ex, which meant 50% of the time with me, 50% with his dad, provided that his dad sticks around. So it is not like I didn;t try it. But it has always been like this with my ex, I needed to break my back to accommodate his wishes, and when I did it, it was never enough. 

Thank you all

Proton mom

[Metall 14,539]

45 minutes ago, Proton Anna said:

But it has always been like this with my ex, I needed to break my back to accommodate his wishes, and when I did it, it was never enough.

 

Well, there's your answer.

Stop doing that!!

[black1 1,696]

Think about what YOU want. Do you want to go back to Canada for example? I would be considering that question as step 1.

[Proton Anna 63]

4 hours ago, black1 said:

Think about what YOU want. Do you want to go back to Canada for example? I would be considering that question as step 1.

I want to remain in Germany. This is where my kid was born and I quite enjoy living in this country.