Dealing with family death far away during COVID 19

[diding 77]

Hey expats,

been awhile since my last post. I hope everyone is doing fine.

Its such a time to be alive isnt it? Corona and all these things.

My beloved grandmom died yesterday, and i cant make it home because my country closed its border. 

There are no way i can be there for her funeral. I mean, the moment i decided to immigrate i knew that, maybe i will not make it to be by her side before she died, But for a funeral,  i wouldnt miss that. Then again, back then i didnt think of the whole world-wide pandemic thing.

Im not sure how you guys deal with such situation. I have tried to cut every corner i can, to make things happen faster. My plan was going back next year Febuary when im done with everything. But it is just not fast enough. Was immigration a good idea? I dont really know anymore. The more i live the more loss i experience, more responsibility and no more fun.  I dont plan to suicide, but im kinda lost all motivation to do anything. 

Sorry about rambling, i just need to rant. 

[lunaCH 971]

I am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately this has become a more common occurrence lately. I know two people who could not get back to their countries for funerals this year, - in one case it was for an elderly mother's funeral and she died from coronavirus.

 

You're neither ranting nor rambling, you're reaching out - and that is a natural reaction at this time.

 

A couple of months ago I used:  https://www.telefonseelsorge.de/ - they provide an online chat service, as well as the traditional phone one.

 

All the best.

[john g. 36,364]

Rant away, diding🙏🏻
You are hurting but it is no fault of yours. It is not your fault and please don‘t feel guilty. Sad-yes. Angry even? -yes. Emotional? - yes. Why not?

But please don‘t blame yourself. This situation is beyond your control.🙏🏻

[knotheadusc 493]

I’m so sorry for your loss.  The pandemic situation just sucks on so many levels. 
 

Peace and comfort be with you.  

[Magmax 320]

diding my condolences depply sorry for your loos but it is nor your fault . We live in bad times . Hard for everyone

[diding 77]

Last time i was back home, i didnt spend alot of time with her. I was busy getting used to everything again, and after such a hard time in Germany all i wanted was to travel , doing nice things. It was no fun for me, siting and spending time with my old grandma. She was always sick, everything around her made me uncomfortable in way its hard to explain. I love her to death, but she was full of bad news. I wished i can do something to help but unfortunately there is nothing. So i just blocked it off and looked the other way around, distance myself from all the things i couldnt change. Now i wish i had spent more time with her my last visit 2 years ago . If i were to live as old as her i need to live another 50 years, would she be there down the line waiting for me? So i can say sorry? 😥

[john g. 36,364]

You can say sorry to her, diding, if that is your heart- felt wish. Go within yourself , close your eyes, think of her and tell her you love her. She will understand.

[pmd 683]

Diding, sometimes we forget that everyone old was young once. I'm sure your grandmother would have understood you wanting to go out and enjoy yourself when you were home. And I'm almost sure all she would want now is your happiness in remembering your times together.

[kinmoku 14]

Hey I’m sorry to hear about your loss. My husband and I have lost 4 grandparents between us whilst we have been in Germany and each time has been tough.

 

We were lucky in that we could go to their funerals, but we have never been able to go together. We were also not there for them in their last moments, something neither of us really thought about when we moved here, and regret somewhat.

 

Anyway, for when I was unable to go, I turned everything off, allowed quiet, and lit a candle - to remember their passing. I did it the time of the funeral, and (although not the same) I was able to grieve and remember them. Perhaps you could do something like that before you revisit?

 

Please be kind to yourself anyway  It’s very sad things are the way they are right now, and I’m sure your grandmom would understand.

[colincostello 127]

Toytown at its finest

 

[john g. 36,364]

1 hour ago, kinmoku said:

Hey I’m sorry to hear about your loss. My husband and I have lost 4 grandparents between us whilst we have been in Germany and each time has been tough.

 

We were lucky in that we could go to their funerals, but we have never been able to go together. We were also not there for them in their last moments, something neither of us really thought about when we moved here, and regret somewhat.

 

Anyway, for when I was unable to go, I turned everything off, allowed quiet, and lit a candle - to remember their passing. I did it the time of the funeral, and (although not the same) I was able to grieve and remember them. Perhaps you could do something like that before you revisit?

 

Please be kind to yourself anyway  It’s very sad things are the way they are right now, and I’m sure your grandmom would understand.

That is a beautiful post, kinmoku!🙏🏻