Help for a disabled friend of my son.

25 posts in this topic

Hi,

This is a bit of a jumble because i don't really know what is going on or what I want to ask. 
I'm just trying to get some ideas and some help, and to sort of see where the thread goes.

So, the situation is that a friend of my son's is currently sleeping on our couch because his mum has 'gone on vacation' and left him locked out. 

He was staying over with us last weekend, and when he went home on Monday, he found there was no-one home to let him in.
He called and his mum says she will be back next week and he can sort himself out. 

Well he is 19 and so in theory that could be OK, but he is 100% disabled (spina-bifida), a wheelchair user and on top of that, she knows that he has lost his keys and can't get in to his house.

So he is now locked out of the house with no clean clothes, medical supplies etc.

This is just the latest shit she has pulled and right now he really wants to move out and get setup on his own, but he has no idea how.

He is unemployed, and finding a job is kinda hard at the best of times impossible right now.
Dad also not really a lot of help.

We are letting him stay with us, and he can stay as long as he needs to but really it's a a bit of a strain on us.

Who can he go to for help?

Other background info/questions...
His mother is getting a fairly large monthly payment as a 'carer' for him. Could he get it transferred from her and get it himself?
That on it's own would go a long way to covering his costs in a WG or similar?

He is also worried about his health insurance, at the moment he is covered as a dependent of his mother, presumably if he moved out that would not be possible anymore and he would need his own cover.
How could that be arranged?


 

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Not that I know a good answer but it would probably increase your chance of getting one if you´d tell us whether he´s still a minor. Other than that I´d suggest to ask the Jugendamt and the Pflegekasse.

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I'd he is not a student he can get Hartz iv, no? Which includes insurance.

 

If he's a student he can get Bafög or BAB, depending on whether he's in college or an apprenticeship. 

 

If he is in school I don't know what he can apply for

 

 

EDIT

 

I see he is unemployed. I think the unemployment office would be a good first step.

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Thanks both.

@jeba I said in my original post he is 19. I have no idea if the Jugendamt  are still interested at that age.

 

I'm trying not to push into his life too much here, just give him some ideas of how to get out and some practical help with living while he works it out.,

General comments like 'can he get Bafög' or 'talk to the  Pflegekasse' are not really what I'm looking for and are not much help.

 

I'm really hoping for more concrete and practical  'Phone this number' / 'visit this website' type advice so that I can actually help him.

I have no idea how to navigate social or disability services in this country and neither does he.

 

 

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I can´t help you at all, Pappnase, but wanted to say that you have my full respect for taking the lad in and caring about him and his problems.

You can be proud of yourself!

 

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I can't help either, but from what you wrote about his mom being a carer for him, maybe he should start there (with that office) and call them to ask about him getting the money transferred to himself.

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I would say start by going to the job center and applying for assistance.  If he has a pflegestufe and needs care, he can get money in order to pay someone to take care of him.  He should definitely get the payments to his mother stopped if she's no longer taking care of him.  With the job center, they will pay his rent but he has to find the apartment and get it approved.

 

As for quick emergency help, I found a site here with a few links:  https://www.myhandicap.de/recht-behinderung/finanzielle-hilfe/einzelhilfe/

 

It's also worth a try to talk to associations of disabled or spina bifida affected persons because they would know where to go. There's a spina bifida association here:  https://asbh.de/

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12 hours ago, pappnase said:

So, the situation is that a friend of my son's is currently sleeping on our couch because his mum has 'gone on vacation' and left him locked out. 

He was staying over with us last weekend, and when he went home on Monday, he found there was no-one home to let him in.
He called and his mum says she will be back next week and he can sort himself out. 

Well he is 19 and so in theory that could be OK, but he is 100% disabled (spina-bifida), a wheelchair user and on top of that, she knows that he has lost his keys and can't get in to his house.

So he is now locked out of the house with no clean clothes, medical supplies etc.

 

And you waited till Thursday to post? 

 

See if you can somehow document with multiple witnesses that she left without making advance arrangements. 

 

12 hours ago, pappnase said:

His mother is getting a fairly large monthly payment as a 'carer' for him. Could he get it transferred from her and get it himself?

 

His mother is probably going to do everything in her power to prevent the loss of the income and it is cheaper for the state if she continues to 'care' for him (which is why being able to provide objective proof is important). 

 

12 hours ago, pappnase said:

He is also worried about his health insurance, at the moment he is covered as a dependent of his mother, presumably if he moved out that would not be possible anymore and he would need his own cover.
How could that be arranged?

 

If he gets ALGII/HartzIV health insurance is included.

 

The main obstacle is that his parents are technically still responsible for supporting him and he'll probably need to prove to the JobCenter that living with his mother not an option. 

 

Try contacting these people today :  https://www.slbremen-ev.de/beratungsschwerpunkte.html

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Maybe his Hausarzt and/or therapist can help at least for medical supplies and hopefully an idea where to get help. He must have the right to enter his own home. Probably expensive though he could get a locksmith? Maybe just check with the police.  

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I had a German friend that is 50% handicap- was living at home until She turned 20 and moved out to a WG to go to

college and She was still 
insured under her moms insurance (it was private). I think she mentioned she was allowed to be under her moms insurance until turning 24 or until she was finish with school.

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10 minutes ago, atinherne said:

I had a German friend that is 50% handicap- was living at home until She turned 20 and moved out to a WG to go to

college and She was still 
insured under her moms insurance (it was private). I think she mentioned she was allowed to be under her moms insurance until turning 24 or until she was finish with school.

 

Yes, my granddaughter (20) lives in her own apartment financed through HarzIV, still goes to school and is insured under her mother's insurance with AOK:

https://www.aok.de/pk/rh/inhalt/familienversicherung-4/#:~:text=Kinder%2C%20Ehepartner%20oder%20eingetragene%20Lebenspartner,nur%20ein%20geringes%20eigenes%20Einkommen

 

Quote

For children there are age limits in the family insurance. In general, your children are also insured until they reach the age of 18. Beyond that until the age of 23, if the children are not yet in employment. If they are still attending school, university or vocational training, the age limit of 25 applies. The above income limits (455 Euros) also apply to children.

Deepl.com translation

 

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3 hours ago, engelchen said:

The main obstacle is that his parents are technically still responsible for supporting him and he'll probably need to prove to the JobCenter that living with his mother not an option. 

 

That is true.  I saw a TV program about people applying for Hartz iv and a boy who had been kicked out by his mother and stepfather was still being told that he could go live with his mother even though his mother actually wrote a letter for him to the job center admitting to kicking him out.

 

He is however allowed to take someone with him to the job center as "beistand".  If there is a relative or a friend who can go with him and help him prove his case, I think it would help.  Does he have a record of communication with his mom, texts, emails, whatsapp voice etc. that he can share with the job center?  That would help as well.  Otherwise his mother may come back and pretend that she had no idea that he didn't have a key and couldn't get in.

 

She is also getting his kindergeld which she will lose if he moves.  He will not benefit from getting it if he's on Hartz iv because they will just take it off his benefits.

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5 hours ago, engelchen said:

And you waited till Thursday to post? 

 

Yeah, I didn't really know what the situation was until I spoke to him on Thursday morning.

He is not my kid, he's an adult and I want to continue treating him like that. 

I'm not going to be able to do much more than feed shelter him and share any info I get from here, he is going to have to do the rest himself, but the link does look like something which might help.

I think the big fight as you say is going to be getting his mum to let go and getting the state to pick up the bills, as you rightly say she won't want to lose that income and they won't want to pay.

I'll share what I've found so far and see what happens. Apparently his mum is getting back later today so by next week I should have a better picture of how things really are.

 

Thanks for all the help folks, I'll update if anything changes.

 

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14 minutes ago, pappnase said:

he is going to have to do the rest himself, but the link does look like something which might help.

 

He needs to find an organisation that can help with all the paperwork as well as help him find an apartment (or perhaps betreutes Wohnen would be better for him at first).

 

14 minutes ago, pappnase said:

I think the big fight as you say is going to be getting his mum to let go and getting the state to pick up the bills, as you rightly say she won't want to lose that income and they won't want to pay.

 

It might be preferable if he doesn't mention it to his mother until he knows what he wants to do. Once everything is in motion, it should be harder for her to stop it.

 

14 minutes ago, pappnase said:

I'll update if anything changes.
 

 

Please update and let me know if the first orgranisation can't help, I can see if I can find a few more.

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18 hours ago, pappnase said:

So he is now locked out of the house with no clean clothes, medical supplies etc.

 

How about a locksmith to solve that part of the problem?

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Thanks @engelchen I'll keep you all updated. You are probably right about not mentioning to his mum, although I don't know what the story is there, he might have already discussed it.

 

@Janx Spirit Not much point in doing that, she gets back today. He borrowed clean clothes from my Son and the medical supplies were something he took care of himself at the local pharmacy, but the sheer, shitty lack of consideration on her part just leaves me speechless.

 

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Devil's advocate here. You do not know all the details. She's been dealing with her son 19 long years. At first sight, shocking, yeah. But for a mother to disappear and leave him without a key? There is a reason for that no doubt.

 

And you deserve a medal by the way.

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