Dating Scene of Germany: Emotionally Unavailable

86 posts in this topic

1 hour ago, Pesar said:

I was attending dance classes before lockdowns ruled that option out. Several times I tried to just have a little small talk just to maybe get to know someone with no expectations. Every time to be reminded that "This is a dance class and I'm not here to talk with men!!!". Then the lockdowns came. The new normal.

 

If you would not be looking for a girlfriend, would you attend dance classes?    Could you simply explain what you like to do in your free time and how you would like to spend your free time with or without a partner?    

 

Develop a network via a club that is based on one of your interests, whether it is cooking, card games, or rugby.    If you are a good friend or club member to others, they will give you a referral, whether it be for job, apartment, or potential romantic interest.  Outside of club networks, develop connections with people who speak the same native language, have the same nationality, religion, cuisine, culture, etc.    

 

Don't underestimate the power of building a network, AND don't lose confidence or feel excluded if things don't happen as fast as they would if you would be well connected.   

 

Good luck. 

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The threat of a falling birth rate is not the way to a girl's heart!

OP- look for friends first, develop interests,. It sounds as if you approach each female with your need for a deep relationship. 

Not sure if there are any cultural differences here, but lighten up and relax!

 

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A wise man - Douglas Adams

'Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.'

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Douglas Adams

“The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”

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8 hours ago, ooch said:

A wise man - Douglas Adams

'Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.'

Well - I've been doing that successfully for the past 40 years. Managed again yesterday when I flew my first passenger of this year (Covid restrictions earlier).

 

I actually saw a vaguely amusing presentation by DA only a few weeks before he died - this was back in 2001 when the company I worked for held a "Services Technical Symposium" in Denver where I was presenting at one of the break-out sessions.  I have to say that I did not get past the first few pages of the Hitchhiker's Guide.

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15 hours ago, Pesar said:

For example more and more dependant toward government help for old and single people with no children.

 

I thought that people with no children have more money to spend, save, invest.

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23 hours ago, Pesar said:

Secondly, going back to the simplest example: you are a single man, with a group of other single men attend a speed dating event. No woman joins at all. What exactly is your mistake and how exactly improving yourself can change this?!

Your mistake is you are in denial that "I a man, and therefore, I am entitled to a girlfriend" does not work here. What kind of event was that, who organized it? Why would a woman would like to join it? Do you understand that a woman gets 100 message requests on any dating website, why would she choose specifically you? 

 

It's not 1947 in Europe, where merely being an able-bodied man made you a king (because of the war, obviously). 

 

It's not a Russian province town where not being a drug user or an alcoholic makes you a king. 

 

You have to make effort. And no, Germany will not fall down if you don't have a girlfriend. 

 

Also, regarding statistics: https://de.statista.com/statistik/daten/studie/589502/umfrage/eheschliessungen-in-berlin/

 

 

 

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16 hours ago, El Jeffo said:

Wow, just wow.
 

Although I have to admit that "sleep with me or society will collapse" is a pretty good pickup line, in a Terminator kind of way. You should try that one the next time you go out on the town. 

 

I guess every woman I know would flee at some point.
Pale, eyes wide open, covered with cold sweat.

 

(I dare to speak in the name of women ...)

 

“To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.” – Douglas Adams

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17 hours ago, El Jeffo said:

Although I have to admit that "sleep with me or society will collapse" is a pretty good pickup line, in a Terminator kind of way. You should try that one the next time you go out on the town. 

I guess I have to give a warning to the topic starter: if you do not use a condom, you will pay alimonies to the child for the next 18 years. Even if you will never see that woman and the child ever again, your sperm was there - you pay money. 

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When I did singles dance classes I was pleased to find a man who was able to make decent conversation. Berlin does sound very different to Dresden, or at least the course I was on, though, as the one I tried was very clearly designed as a way to meet people. At the moment the courses have stopped, but they are planned again for the autumn. In the meantime, the singles events are taking place outdoors here. There's a guy called Günther who organises loads of stuff and charges people €5 a head for each event - if you are keen to stay in Berlin maybe you could look for the Berlin version of Günther, or become a Günther yourself and make some extra cash at the same time. Or get yourself a Bahncard...

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On 3.7.2021, 09:02:54, yourkeau said:

For an introverted person like me, Internet and bar is the same pair of shoes, it is about getting connected to a stranger. Never worked for me, and I think this is too much risk, so we have survival bias here.

 

Classic getting to know someone in places of shared interests is still the thing.

 

The most important situation of my life?

 

An airport transit
no free seats
crowded

 

two girls managed to occupy four seats thanks to their backpacks
telling people like me to stay ****ing away

 

I had to ask ...

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On 03/07/2021, 16:03:27, ooch said:

@dessa_dangerous

We all send out signals - and yours scare the prey away.

 

...get rid of this stinky smell of desperation.
The rest is luck & some social skills

 

 

Exactly this. Love tends to knock you over the head from behind when you are not looking for it.

You ain't gonna build up any sexual tension (what a weapon) if you come at 'em like a bat out of hell.

Softly, softly, monkey, monkey.

Tip: You have to look at them. And then wait... :ph34r:

You can tease a girl into bed just through the eyes. But it takes patience over time. Two long years in my own experience (despite knowing from the word go how it would end). :lol:

Meanwhile I understand and sympathise with your frustration. It's a hard one. Not necessarily your fault indeed.

I get tired of hearing myself recommend Square Dance Clubs. But it is a great way to meet people and good fun.

Alternatively join a choir or an orchestra. It is always a hotbed of diabolically internecine shenanigans.

Go !

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Square dancing is great, though I found it a lot harder here than in the UK - the standards in the place I tried here were a bit high for me :) and it took me weeks to remember that a "chick" was in fact a jig :lol:

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Agree. They take it very seriously. But if one person screws up 7 other people stop dancing. So yeah, you have to be on the ball. It would at least stop the OP looking like a predator, hopefully, as he would be concentrating on the moves, not the ladies.

 

Edit: Took me a year to find out a Left Element was a Left Allemande...

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This is getting rather off-topic, but I was today years old when I learned that Berlin has a group called the Berlin Swinging Bears.

 

Surprisingly, they do square dance, and not the other thing you'd think the name would imply.

 

Go figure.

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On 4.7.2021, 06:57:26, HEM said:

I have to say that I did not get past the first few pages of the Hitchhiker's Guide.

 

Wait for a day at the beach (sea/lake)
when the papers are boring and Shakespeare is too ...

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1 hour ago, optimista said:

Tip: You have to look at them. And then wait...

Took me years to understand

for all the males here -

the women choose:rolleyes:

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I think part of the problem Pesar refers to, is modern life in a large metropolitain setting. He focusses on Berlin, but really is it that different from Hamburg, or from Frankfurt or Brussels or London? I think not. In smaller places, there is more sense of community, more continuity, whereas lifestyles in big cities are more individualistic. In many cities, people do not even know their immediate neighbours, and in many streets and blocks, the turnover of residents is ongoing, so most relationships are by definition very short term.

 

That said, I do detect in Germany some regional differences. Rheinlanders have a justified reputation as being outgoing, all to do with Carnival etc. Walk into a cafe in Cologne and you won't have any problems linking up with complete strangers. I don't know Munich well enough, but I get the impression they are also fairly outgoing. On the other hand, Hamburg is the complete opposite. If you start talking spontaneously to a stranger there, they immediately ask themselves, what do you want from me. It makes social distancing, Corona style, pretty much tailor-made for Hamburgers. So that inevitably means spontaneous flirts or even normal smalltalk is uncommon. 

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