Planning for second child while on maternity leave?

37 posts in this topic

55 minutes ago, DazedundConfused said:

It's not about her not working, but whether she would be paid her full salary. She has not problem doing that work. 😊 In fact she is getting a little bored 😂

 

I am sorry that the posts in this thread are not answering your question directly,  I believe that is because no one knows (rightfully so) the terms of your wife's work contract or wishes. I should have gotten straight to point and shared what I know from associates who have had children in quick sucession: they do keep receiving Elterngeld as long as they have not changed their contract, work hours or salary in between pregnancies.

 

I just re read your original post, yes since your wife works in a Kita she will not be able to continue active work there once a second pregnancy is confirmed.

 

Is there a HR sector within her company that perhaps she can transfer to? That is what happened at my previous employer (also a kita) once a pregnancy was confirmed.

 

Also  I see you are in Duisburg---hi neighbour! :) I have a small group of expat Mom friends based out here if she would like to join us. We are English speaking and are always looking to meet new families.

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50 minutes ago, NativeFraulein said:

 

I am sorry that the posts in this thread are not answering your question directly,  I believe that is because no one knows (rightfully so) the terms of your wife's work contract or wishes. I should have gotten straight to point and shared what I know from associates who have had children in quick sucession: they do keep receiving Elterngeld as long as they have not changed their contract, work hours or salary in between pregnancies.

 

I just re read your original post, yes since your wife works in a Kita she will not be able to continue active work there once a second pregnancy is confirmed.

 

Is there a HR sector within her company that perhaps she can transfer to? That is what happened at my previous employer (also a kita) once a pregnancy was confirmed.

 

Also  I see you are in Duisburg---hi neighbour! :) I have a small group of expat Mom friends based out here if she would like to join us. We are English speaking and are always looking to meet new families.

Thank you, that makes sense. I believed that that would be the case, but just looking for some guidance. 

 

I will mention the group to my wife. She's a little less sociable than I am, but maybe she'll be interested 😊

 

It's quite an emotionally confusing time for us, having lost a child, and now having one on the way. 

1 hour ago, engelchen said:

 

 

Even if she receives an Arbeitsverbot to work with children, she can still be given other work to do during her pregnancy (for example, administrative work without direct contact with the children).

 

50 minutes ago, NativeFraulein said:

 

I am sorry that the posts in this thread are not answering your question directly,  I believe that is because no one knows (rightfully so) the terms of your wife's work contract or wishes. I should have gotten straight to point and shared what I know from associates who have had children in quick sucession: they do keep receiving Elterngeld as long as they have not changed their contract, work hours or salary in between pregnancies.

 

I just re read your original post, yes since your wife works in a Kita she will not be able to continue active work there once a second pregnancy is confirmed.

 

Is there a HR sector within her company that perhaps she can transfer to? That is what happened at my previous employer (also a kita) once a pregnancy was confirmed.

 

Also  I see you are in Duisburg---hi neighbour! :) I have a small group of expat Mom friends based out here if she would like to join us. We are English speaking and are always looking to meet new families.

 

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1 hour ago, NativeFraulein said:

 

No I believe the basis of the change is that I went from full time to part time. 

I’m planning on doing something similar and my job said there would be something like Zusatz contract until I’m back full-time, but that my contract would not go from permanent to limited. I don’t quite understand it myself, but that’s what they said when I asked if I could come back part-time.

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11 hours ago, jeba said:

My kids are 14 months apart and it was great. I don´t see any downside to having kids of similiar age.

My brother is 16 months younger than me and we don't get along. Too close IMO.

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I don't think the age gap can really predict if the kids get along or not.  I think it depends more on the personality.  However, I'm sure it's harder having two small ones in diapers as well as there is often jealousy from the older to the younger and while that can also happen when the age gap is bigger, it's hard to explain to a kid under 2 that they are the big brother / sister now.  Seen at a friends house how big brother was on the sofa trying to kick the baby.  They had to really be watched closely for a while.  

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6 hours ago, MikeMelga said:

My brother is 16 months younger than me and we don't get along. Too close IMO.

Not my experience at all. My daughter (now 24 and living in the US) explicitely told me that she misses her brother.

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2 hours ago, jeba said:

Not my experience at all. My daughter (now 24 and living in the US) explicitely told me that she misses her brother.

Get two roosters in a barn and you understand why.

Doubt the same is true for brother-sister or 2 sisters.

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2 hours ago, MikeMelga said:

Get two roosters in a barn and you understand why.

Doubt the same is true for brother-sister or 2 sisters.

 

It can happen with brother and sister too.  My brother and sister are 15 months apart.  Sister is older but he was the one that used to torment her when they were kids.  They are in their 60's now.  She recently told me she had talked to him on the phone and he talked about "how much fun we used to have when we were kids" and she said "sure wasn't fun for me".

 

Another brothers kids are 17 months apart.  The boy is older and the younger sister used to torment him.  He once told my mom, "I can't believe she's my sister, the way she treats me".  They are now 19 and 20 and seem to be getting along better.  Although 40 yrs. from now, she might talk about "how much fun we used to have when we were kids" and he might say "hmm".

 

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The thing I find surprising here is the number of people with a 6 year gap between kids. Kiga is really easy for parents, Grundschule not so much , at least around here where full day school is not normal. And yet people verpasse that opportunity to have another baby while parenting is relatively low key, and than add a baby just when the older child requires loads of attention and training. This is not a place with private/international schools or anything like that which might do that job for you.

It surprises me how common it is. My Turkish neighbours have timed their 3  about 2.5 years apart, which seems well thought out, assuming they did plan it that way ;)

 

Our bottom two are 17 months apart. They are boy/girl and get on well - when the others are home, the social landscape is entirely different and goes a bit more by gender. 

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17 minutes ago, kiplette said:

The thing I find surprising here is the number of people with a 6 year gap between kids.

 

My 2 were 8 yrs. apart. I was divorced and then remarried. With at least 50% of marriages ending in divorce, this happens a lot. And then there are surprise babies.

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There can be all kinds of reasons why ppl have kids a few years apart.

 

Sometimes like Fraufruit said, they've stopped and then along comes one that wasn't planned.

 

Sometimes they've think they only want one but change their mind and decide on one more.

 

Sometimes they are trying and not succeeding until that many years later.

 

Sometimes it's about money too.  Like a young couple having an unplanned baby and then deciding to wait until they are better off financially.

 

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I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My son is now 1 3/4 and I cannot even bear the thought of losing him. It must be devastating. Are you getting any professional support or have you and your wife joined a group of other parents? 

 

Congratulations on the pregnancy! 

I have no idea about the regulations in your wife's case, but maybe the Elterngeldstelle can help? 

https://www.duisburg.de/vv/produkte/pro_du/dez_iii/51/elterngeld-elternzeit.php 

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1 hour ago, LeonG said:

There can be all kinds of reasons why ppl have kids a few years apart.

 

Oh, absolutely, and those are all what they are. The thing I find odd is this specific gap which does seem planned in most of the ones we know. 

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7 minutes ago, kiplette said:

Oh, absolutely, and those are all what they are. The thing I find odd is this specific gap which does seem planned in most of the ones we know. 

 

Well, if you'd like to know, you could ask, then update this thread :)

Things aren't always what they seem though.  Friends of mine have two kids with a 5 year gap and if you didn't know better, you might think they planned it that way but actually they were trying and had two miscarriages in between.

 

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Yeah, I'm quite shameless in English, because this stuff interests me, but less so in German since nuance entirely escapes me in both directions, and you are right - things are not always what they seem.

 

Example the OP, who presented as a first time parent and that is not the case at all.

 

OP, how awful. All the very best with this new baby, and more if they come, may you have joy and happiness again.

 

Hopefully Maxie's link gets you the answers you need, whilst the rest of us just junk up your thread...

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On 16/03/2020, 12:47:45, maxie said:

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My son is now 1 3/4 and I cannot even bear the thought of losing him. It must be devastating. Are you getting any professional support or have you and your wife joined a group of other parents? 

 

Congratulations on the pregnancy! 

I have no idea about the regulations in your wife's case, but maybe the Elterngeldstelle can help? 

https://www.duisburg.de/vv/produkte/pro_du/dez_iii/51/elterngeld-elternzeit.php 

Thank you Maxie,

 

I went home briefly and spoken to someone there. But am currently looking for someone here. I'm also taking medication, which is helping. 

 

I will check out the link, thank you. 

 

I just found out my boss plans to cut all ours due to the lack of work/Corona 😣

 

On 15/03/2020, 16:10:43, NativeFraulein said:

 

I am sorry that the posts in this thread are not answering your question directly,  I believe that is because no one knows (rightfully so) the terms of your wife's work contract or wishes. I should have gotten straight to point and shared what I know from associates who have had children in quick sucession: they do keep receiving Elterngeld as long as they have not changed their contract, work hours or salary in between pregnancies.

 

I just re read your original post, yes since your wife works in a Kita she will not be able to continue active work there once a second pregnancy is confirmed.

 

Is there a HR sector within her company that perhaps she can transfer to? That is what happened at my previous employer (also a kita) once a pregnancy was confirmed.

 

Also  I see you are in Duisburg---hi neighbour! :) I have a small group of expat Mom friends based out here if she would like to join us. We are English speaking and are always looking to meet new families.

Thank you, that makes sense. I believed that that would be the case, but just looking for some guidance. 

 

I will mention the group to my wife. She's a little less sociable than I am, but maybe she'll be interested 😊

 

It's quite an emotionally confusing time for us, having lost a child, and now having one on the way. 

On 15/03/2020, 15:34:58, engelchen said:

 

 

Even if she receives an Arbeitsverbot to work with children, she can still be given other work to do during her pregnancy (for example, administrative work without direct contact with the children).

 

On 15/03/2020, 16:10:43, NativeFraulein said:

 

I am sorry that the posts in this thread are not answering your question directly,  I believe that is because no one knows (rightfully so) the terms of your wife's work contract or wishes. I should have gotten straight to point and shared what I know from associates who have had children in quick sucession: they do keep receiving Elterngeld as long as they have not changed their contract, work hours or salary in between pregnancies.

 

I just re read your original post, yes since your wife works in a Kita she will not be able to continue active work there once a second pregnancy is confirmed.

 

Is there a HR sector within her company that perhaps she can transfer to? That is what happened at my previous employer (also a kita) once a pregnancy was confirmed.

 

Also  I see you are in Duisburg---hi neighbour! :) I have a small group of expat Mom friends based out here if she would like to join us. We are English speaking and are always looking to meet new families.

 

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On 16/03/2020, 14:19:36, kiplette said:

Yeah, I'm quite shameless in English, because this stuff interests me, but less so in German since nuance entirely escapes me in both directions, and you are right - things are not always what they seem.

 

Example the OP, who presented as a first time parent and that is not the case at all.

 

OP, how awful. All the very best with this new baby, and more if they come, may you have joy and happiness again.

 

Hopefully Maxie's link gets you the answers you need, whilst the rest of us just junk up your thread...

Thanks Kiplette,

 

I was hoping to get an answer to my question, rather than whether or not people think it's ok to have more kids. Hence I didn't mention what happened. 

 

Anyway. Let's see how it goes. 

 

 

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