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Young Man Loss of Health Insurance / Job

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Hi Oh Wise Ones, I'll try to keep this short.

 

My son, 24 years old, German national. Gave up his job last year without any notification. I only found out because my phone was listed at the company as a contact number and they called to ask where the hell he was. He never bothered to register as unemployed because he planned to visit Asia for a few moths. He didn't and now the KK has cancelled or (Ruhen Ihres Leistungsanspruches) because of non-payment of contributions. He still refuses to register as unemployed.

 

He is suffering from depression but won't let anyone help him, refuses to see a healthcare professional and is living off my dime.

 

I've tried talking, cajoling, threatening and have told him that he has to go and stay with his grandparents as I can't afford to have him here and not paying his way. It's breaking my heart.

 

Any ideas anyone?

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How can he afford to visit Asia, yet not be able to pay for his health insurance?  

 

Does he say why he will not register as unemployed?  

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15 minutes ago, Janx Spirit said:

 

I've tried talking, cajoling, threatening and have told him that he has to go and stay with his grandparents as I can't afford to have him here and not paying his way. It's breaking my heart.

 

Any ideas anyone?

 

 

Not sure burdening the grand parents is the way to go as they probably don`t need the hassle either.

 

If he has worked for 12 months he is entitled to ALG1 so you should drag him to the Agentur as soon as possible and they will sort out his health insurance and give him some cash.

 

If he refuses maybe cut off all financial support, but he really has to get down to the Agentur asap.

 

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4 minutes ago, BradinBayern said:

How can he afford to visit Asia, yet not be able to pay for his health insurance?  

 

Does he say why he will not register as unemployed?  

 

He saved and paid for the trip but when he failed to get all the necessary jabs, he also failed to cancel the trip on time and lost most of the money.

 

Too much hassle.

 

1 minute ago, RenegadeFurther said:

 

 

Not sure burdening the grand parents is the way to go as they also probably don`t need the hassle either.

 

If he has worked for 12 months he is entitled to ALG1 so you should drag him to the Agentur as soon as possible and they will sort out his health insurance and give him some cash.

 

If he refuses maybe cut off all financial support.

 

 

Tried and failed so yes, no more financial support and it's off to the grandparents. They have plenty of money and quite honestly, I think a time out for us both will beneficial.

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1 minute ago, Janx Spirit said:

 

 

Tried and failed so yes, no more financial support and it's off to the grandparents. They have plenty of money and quite honestly, I think a time out for us both will beneficial.

 

Not really about money. Assuming the grand parents are around 70 do you really want to burden their final years with your son?

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It's a temporary measure, they live in a big house and would love to see more of their grandchildren, so not a huge burden.

 

And final years? If the great-granny's anything to go by (103), they are spring chickens ;) 

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What did you threaten him with and did you follow through? If not, why do you suppose that is?

 

Seriously, we teach our children how to treat us just as we teach our friends, parnters, etc. The worst think most parents do with their children is being inconsistent. I was and I'm not alone. It's a wonder they trust us at all.

 

I would suggest it is tough love time and tell him to be out in 2 weeks if nothing changes. Let him decide where he goes.

 

I've told this story before but my ex was paying our son's rent for about 5 years while wondering why our son wouldn't get a job. I kept at him and pointed out the obvious. He paid one last rent and cut him off. My son had a job the next day.

 

I truly feel for you. This is very difficult stuff.

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3 minutes ago, fraufruit said:

 

I would suggest it is tough love time and tell him to be out in 2 weeks if nothing changes. Let him decide where he goes

 

Today was the two weeks and now the follow through.

 

I gave him a choice: his mother, who is an alcoholic, so not great there,  he has no money so that limits his options too. The Sozialpsychiatrischer Dienst is a possibility but getting them involved opens a nice German bureaucratic can of worms. The only logical alternative I can see is the grandparents.

 

 

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I would never do that to my parents and, in fact, I had to instruct my whole family not to take my son in when he was younger and walked out of a residential program we had him in. He was 18. What happened, my older son took him in against my wishes and promptly kicked him out in about 5 weeks. 

 

Are parents responsible for their adult children in Germany?

 

BTW, my son is doing great now and has never stopped working. We have a very close relationship after a couple of years of estrangement. I left the door open and he walked in when he was ready. The thing is, it also took me a long time to get my shit together when I was young and in my early 20's so both of my boys came by it honestly. :rolleyes:

 

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3 minutes ago, fraufruit said:

 

Are parents responsible for their adult children in Germany?

 

Just reading the thread about that

 

https://www.toytowngermany.com/forum/topic/355546-at-what-age-is-a-child-no-longer-the-responsibility-of-parents/

 

4 minutes ago, fraufruit said:

The thing is, it also took me a long time to get my shit together when I was young and in my early 20's so both of my boys came by it honestly

 

Sounds familiar, ah yes me too ;) 

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It could be a social anxiety type of thing.  Offer to go with him to the Arbeitsamt and help him with the paperwork and then go for some pizza.  You will even fill out the paperwork for him, he just needs to sign it.  This might sound to some like coddling, but he really really needs to do that.  Makes sure it doesn't become a big lecture or he probably will scamper.  You are just along to help.  

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9 minutes ago, BradinBayern said:

It could be a social anxiety type of thing.  Offer to go with him to the Arbeitsamt and help him with the paperwork and then go for some pizza.  You will even fill out the paperwork for him, he just needs to sign it.  This might sound to some like coddling, but he really really needs to do that.  Makes sure it doesn't become a big lecture or he probably will scamper.  You are just along to help.  

 

 

It is and I did and I'm done molly-coddling him.

 

In my first post I erroneously said he didn't register, he/we did that bit but he had a "Sperrzeit" during which he was supposed to do some mandatory meetings/courses. His failure was to do these mandatory meetings/courses.

 

 

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Just now, Janx Spirit said:

 

 

It is and I did and I'm done molly-coddling him.

 

In my first post I erroneously said he didn't register, he/we did that bit but he had a "Sperrzeit" during which he was supposed to do some mandatory meetings/courses. His failure was to do these mandatory meetings/courses.

 

 

Oh geez.  It looks like you have done what you could.  Hard knocks time.  I have no problem with people who have problems, but I do have a problem with people who have problems and refused to do anything about them.  

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1 hour ago, Janx Spirit said:

My son, 24 years old, German national.

 

Has he already completed an Ausbildung? He is eligible for ALG II/Sozialhilfe (he needs to apply), however, normally parents are financially responsible for their children until they reach at least 25 or have completed their education/apprenticeship.

 

 

 

 

 

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Do you want him to go and live with your parents or with his mothers parents?.

 

Looks like he is undergoing a mild form of depression, don't be too hard on him. He is still young. He will put his life and shit together when he matures in three or four years. Many young adults do worse things than what your son is doing. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Janx Spirit said:

 

Today was the two weeks and now the follow through.

 

I gave him a choice: his mother, who is an alcoholic, so not great there,  he has no money so that limits his options too. The Sozialpsychiatrischer Dienst is a possibility but getting them involved opens a nice German bureaucratic can of worms. The only logical alternative I can see is the grandparents.

 

 

 

Why not just let him stay with his alcoholic mother?

 

Could be an eye opener.

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2 hours ago, engelchen said:

he already completed an Ausbildung

 

Yes and has worked but as previously stated, he dropped the ball with the Arbeitsamt

 

2 hours ago, BradinBayern said:

What about getting him a social worker?  

 

This involves the Sozialpsychiatrischer Dienst and as mentioned, can be a can of worms...

 

Anyway, thanks for the input from you all, much appreciated. :) 

 

Now I guess it is wait and see...

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2 hours ago, The Vindictive said:

Do you want him to go and live with your parents or with his mothers parents?.

 

Mother's parents, they live in the next village. Mine live in Wales!

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