German man in a relationship but shows interest in another girl

63 posts in this topic

Hi, 
I am an Irish girl working/living in Germany and would like to ask about this situation that a German guy who is in a relationship but shows interest in another girl (me) and expect to be 'chased' by the other girl. It’s the second time it happened to me now. 
The first one was one of my colleagues, he and his 'long-term' girlfriend was doing long distance at that time. He chatted with me regularly, showing extra attention and being extra 'helpful'. When I thought he was interested he mentioned that he was going on a vacation with his girlfriend. In where I grew up, when a guy mentions his girlfriend, he suggests that he is not interested, at least not in a romantic way. So I dropped that thought and treated him as a normal colleague. But once in a while, he would say something that makes me feel unease, like "do you trust me?" "I'll give you anything as long as you ask", "you wanna hang out?" and if I occasionally mentioned his girlfriend, he dimmed his face, seemed 'disappointed'. 
This went on for over a year and another guy showed up, who is single and seem attractive. I chatted with the new guy and he went mad, refused to talk to me. When I confronted him, he accused me for 'not chasing' him. He almost cried out saying "I trusted you!" and said many hurtful words as if I hurt him. I said, "but you have a girlfriend." He then said something that, I should chase him anyway and once we sleep together we automatically become boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, I had completely lost interest because of his hurtful words. I moved on. He and his girlfriend moved in together. Later he came around me throwing hints again I rejected all of them. 
Then there came a second ‘in-a-relationship' guy, slightly different situation. We met in some sports activity, it was almost an instant attraction and he gave much of attention to an almost awkward level. I was attracted to him too and started meeting (at the activity) once in a while for a couple of months. Then I found out that he has a girlfriend for 6-7 years. I was very disappointed to be in the same situation again and I immediately ‘cut it off’ and shifted my attention completely towards my other teammates. And I didn’t attend the sport for a few weeks. He noticed my withdrawal. He made an effort to be in the same group with me the next time I showed up — we worked well together and I felt the attraction was still there. 
Now I don’t know what to do. I need advice on how to handle this situation. 
Is the effort he made to be in the same group with me a gesture of showing interest or just trying to be friendly after his relationship status was ‘revealed’. Should I ‘chase’ him as the first guy suggested? And, I noticed that German guys only throw out ‘hints’ but never do any chasing. What do you guys expect a girl to do the ‘chasing'? It just feels so awkward if I just walk up to him and ask him out — especially with that awkward face and a girlfriend staring from behind! 
Help! 
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I might be missing the story but what you are asking is, you want this guy to leave his girlfriend for you and you are wondering how to pull this off?

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48 minutes ago, inNRW said:
I am an Irish girl working/living in Germany . 

 

Your profile says Chinese, and you don't write like an Irish person, so which is it?

 

If you know someone is in a relationship, keep your distance, whatever signals you think they are sending.

 

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12 minutes ago, fraufruit said:

And don't flirt with colleagues. Ever.

 

You don't get your penis and your paycheck at the same place.

Sometimes both these things could be mutually dependent. 

 

Not ideal. 

 

Not in this case.

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1 hour ago, Tap said:

Your profile says Chinese, and you don't write like an Irish person, so which is it?

Yes, definitely too sober to be Irish :D.

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This story is entirely bizarre and in no way describes typical German behavior.

 

The post is a bit off in phrasing and storytelling. I don't think the Chinese/Irish OP is for real, so I'll take no more notice of "her" from now on.

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26 minutes ago, lisa13 said:

two things:

 

German men are more than capable of "chasing" a woman they are interested in.  Not in an overbearing way, but in a direct way such that they will make moves, not just hint endlessly. 

 

 

Can you point me in the direction of these German men? Because I've never encountered one of those :lol::D (please note I'm being playful, but also semi-serious as I struggle with German men)

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Stay away from those guys. They are just looking to use you, then blame you, like lisa said - it's always a red flag when somebody is willing to cheat on their relationship. That means they will do it to you later - guaranteed. Don't be desperate - plenty of fish in the sea who are not attached. And a man that expects a woman to chase him is just... ewwww

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, fraufruit said:

And don't flirt with colleagues. Ever.

 

You don't get your penis and your paycheck at the same place.

Never screw the crew.

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3 hours ago, fraufruit said:

And don't flirt with colleagues. Ever.

 

You don't get your penis and your paycheck at the same place.

Spoilsport!

:lol:

I´ve known plenty of people who met their partners, wives, husbands etc at their workplace. Why not?

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Serial yearning for attached work collegues is silly, as is asking for advice like a teenie here.   However, as seasoned Agony Aunt, I suggest you entice them into a convenient unoccupied (but whatever) conference room for a dalliance, perhaps not at the same time (but whatever).  And then see how things progress.

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4 minutes ago, snowingagain said:

However, as seasoned Agony Aunt, I suggest you entice them into a convenient unoccupied (but whatever) conference for a dalliance, perhaps not at the same time (but whatever).  And then see how things progress.

 

I had a coworker who did this with his wife, who worked in a different department. At some point in the heat of the action, a bunch of people rushed in en masse for a meeting...

 

oops :) 

 

no agony, thank goodness.  They were both pretty frisky and everyone knew this. It was a sort of "ohhhhh - YOU GUYS! cut it out" kind of scenario

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1 minute ago, Magmax said:

Sounds like a film scenariio Lisa 50 shades of co worker:)

 

they actually had their own amateur porn site.  I was always afraid to ask who filmed them... I just didn't want to know!

 

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