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Confused by a German Friendship (Is it cultural or just individual behavior)

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Long story ahead. Seeking advice as I am confused by my German friend of 20 years. 
 
I used to live in Germany and have many close German friends made 20 years ago when we all traveled and lived in Asia together. I was even in a 5 year relationship with a German man so I thought I had a good handle on German culture. I returned to the United States and have been home for a few years now and have gone back to visit Germany twice. Whenever I visit Germany, I'm either in Frankfurt or Berlin seeing old friends. 
 
So my close friend from Berlin took a train all the way to Frankfurt just to meet up with me and was so hospitable when I visited her in Berlin letting me stay with her and taking me out every night to check out different places. I had such a fun time the two times I visited her just like we did when we lived in Asia 20 years ago.
 
I've been asking her to visit me in the U.S. to return the favor and she keeps saying she doesn't have time off from work but last year she spontaneously visited a mutual friend of ours on the east coast (I'm on the west coast) and didn't tell me until she arrived in a text saying, "Surprise, guess where I am!". I told her if I had known she finally came to the States, I would have flown to see her. She apologized and said it was a quick trip. Ok, that's understandable. 
 
Now a year passes and she suddenly has an American boyfriend and she has been visiting all these cities within a close 1-2 hour flight away from where I live on the west coast and she only tells me after she's returned to Germany. I find it very strange, like she doesn't want to meet up and I'm confused by her behavior because she often sends me postcards in the mail and sms on Whatsapp, annual Christmas packages from Germany with freshly baked German cookies and other fun stuff. We also talked about suicide when she was depressed years ago and she said she appreciated our friendship.
 
I thought we were closer friends (of 20 years) and I'm actually feeling hurt that she doesn't tell me when she's in the country traveling close to where I live to meet me and meet my husband and children. I would even understand if she's busy or short on time but she doesn't even tell me that. I know Germans are independent travelers and I considered myself one too but is it strange that in her three visits to the U.S. she doesn't tell me until after she returns to Germany? 
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I'd say she's not interested in visiting with you and I think it's a personal quirk. Accept the friendship as is or end it if you will. Your choice. You can't make her visit you if she's not willing.

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If she's totally besotted with her American beau, I doubt it's anything personal. Just visiting you isn't the priority. I know, it stings. I've lived here 10ish years and I've experienced similar a couple of times. Sometimes people fall in a habit of thinking that 'good old friends' don't need much maintenance. And in my experience, 'out of sight out of mind' is true for most people.

 

Remember as well that a quick 1-2 hour flight still means quite a distance. For Germans, that likely means "far", as they have a different daily concept of distances. They know German distances yes, but may not be clear about North America. I'm from Canada, and I have known people here to moan loudly because a weekend car journey would take forever! Or, 2.5 hours. Point being that it's possible she views it as being vaguely too far away, somehow, or more likely just isn't really thinking about it all.

 

Trying to remain polite, but you could send a short email to explain that her visiting so often and near without even letting you know feels like teasing, and that you'd be happy to host her, etc. If she doesn't respond positively, then I'd just try to disengage. No need to burn bridges, but sometimes friendships drift apart. Sad but true.

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