How to stay friends with a friend

46 posts in this topic

We all hopefully have good friends, friends who will stand by you come what may.

What is your recipe for staying friends with someone ...come what may?

This is, hopefully, a jokey thread.

I remember my buddy Armenio from Colorado and we´d joke around in public and people would often say: " wow, you two really get on well..how do you do that?"

 

Our joke: " simple..we don´t listen to each other. "

 

What is your secret?

I expect to be massacred  on here by miserable sods but  to hell with it!

:D

 

 

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I am actually friends with my ex wife and people are like: "How cute" and "Oh, that´s nice" when actually it´s not, you still get all the nagging and 20 year old arguments dragged up but non of the benefits.

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Some people say that good friends you should be able to see again after years of not talking and pick up like yesterday but I wouldn't call those friends.  There are some people who are just on the same wavelength and can yap about anything any time and entertain each other but if they don't care about each other enough to keep in touch, I wouldn't call them friends.  There are also people who were friends at some point, people you share a past with and you can talk about the past and tell a lot of "remember when.." stories but once you've re-hatched all the stories, you no longer have anything in common or anything to talk about.

 

IMO if you have friends you want to keep, you have to make sure to stay in touch.  Give them a call every once in a while to see how they're doing, maybe meet up and chat.  So there might be times that you are busy or your friend is and you lose touch for a bit but you should be able to survive that. 

 

Also make sure it's not a one way relationship where it's always one helping the other and not back and forth.  If I have a friend who always needs my help but isn't giving anything back or even contacting me unless they need help, I lose interest fast.  On the other hand, if I have friends who are always helping me, I try to do something for them in return.

 

 

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Staying in touch is really important. Nowadays it is really ironic, despite the technology and it being easier to keep in touch, people seem to be so busy they just don't have the time. It seems to be time that is needed to maintain a good friendship. Especially meeting up for a drink or a meal etc...

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On 30.11.2019, 19:32:25, john g. said:

I expect to be massacred  on here by miserable sods but  to hell with it!

OK, here's one. I have found that Germans don't want or need friends. They don't like people.

The only people they regularly mix with are family members and sexual partners, and they don't always like them either. As soon as you cease to be useful to them, you're out of their lives.

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On 12/3/2019, 7:31:37, Anna66 said:

Staying in touch is really important

Yes, but as you get older it becomes too much of a hassle. For me at least. We´re still playing cards (Schafkopf) once I´m in Germany but that´s it. I still like them but the bond isn´t the same anymore it used to be 20 years ago.

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Viewing friendship maintenance as a hassle might be part of the problem - how can you expect to feel bonded to people if you can't be bothered to engage with them?

 

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3 minutes ago, lisa13 said:

Viewing friendship maintenance as a hassle might be part of the problem - how can you expect to feel bonded to people if you can't be bothered to engage with them?

 

Well, I never said I expected that.

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Like everything, friendship has to be worked on. if you can't be bothered to stay in touch then why should they. A good friend for me is when you can be critical and they listen and vice versa.

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On 12/4/2019, 9:33:52, Acton said:

OK, here's one. I have found that Germans don't want or need friends. They don't like people.

The only people they regularly mix with are family members and sexual partners, and they don't always like them either. As soon as you cease to be useful to them, you're out of their lives.

definitely, i have exactly the same discovery that Germans does not value friendship. they seem to put friends in the same category as acquaintances. What's worse , many have cut themselves even from their original family members since reaching adulthood.

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On 05/12/2019, 17:09:46, French bean said:

Like everything, friendship has to be worked on. if you can't be bothered to stay in touch then why should they. A good friend for me is when you can be critical and they listen and vice versa.

 

I would say that this is not specific for "the Germans", but in general this is the way things work in Northern Europe/North America...

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4 hours ago, kevinjoe said:

Germans does not value friendship. they seem to put friends in the same category as acquaintances.

 

hm.  I have not seen that at all.  I do think there can be confusion around whether you are really "friends" or not, though.  Meaning you might consider yourselves friends, but the German considers you an acquaintance.  it's an uncomfortable misunderstanding for sure.

 

I had a coworker with whom I socialized often outside of work and I assumed we were somewhere in the friend zone.  No deep attachment but more than acquaintances.  Anyway one day she went on a rant - I don't remember the exact context but it was about someone else saying she and I were friends - and for some reason this upset her very much so she was telling me about how she told this person in no uncertain terms, "No!  Lisa and I are NOT (wish I had bigger caps for the right level of emphasis) friends!"  

 

I wasn't particularly hurt, just very very confused.  

 

anyway it's like that.  If you have a German friend - meaning they deem you a friend - it's hard to get rid of them ;)  really.  

 

 

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4 hours ago, kevinjoe said:

What's worse , many have cut themselves even from their original family members since reaching adulthood.

 

Interesting. This is something I've never witnessed among the Germans that I know. Of course it happens. Normally, they seem very close to their families and have many obligations in that realm. Not to mention that kids may live at home until in their 30's without paying rent.

 

Try inviting a German to do something on Sunday. :)

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Yep, fraufruit!  The Kaffee und Kuchen nightmare!!!

Anyway, there is the old stereotype in German and in the UK---that you don´t make friends very easily ,have few real friends but they stay friends.

In Latin societies, the stereotype is you make friends easily but lose them just as quickly! Everyone is an " amigo  " from the very first minute. And in Greece, everyone is in your extended family anyway!

:D

In our village, there are 500 souls and three tavernas. Those who go to taverna A, B and C are of the different clans. They don´t sit in taverna A if they belong to clan taverna B or C.

There are four families, basically, and you notice the incest consequences with some people..sadly.

The move " in the Name of the Rose " could have been filmed here...

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48 minutes ago, lisa13 said:

 

I had a coworker with whom I socialized often outside of work and I assumed we were somewhere in the friend zone.  No deep attachment but more than acquaintances.  Anyway one day she went on a rant - I don't remember the exact context but it was about someone else saying she and I were friends - and for some reason this upset her very much so she was telling me about how she told this person in no uncertain terms, "No!  Lisa and I are NOT (wish I had bigger caps for the right level of emphasis) friends!"  

 

I wasn't particularly hurt, just very very confused.  

 

 

Could it be that she wanted to make it clear that she is not a fan of Melissa Etheridge, and that little detail was lost in translation? 

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huh?

 

oh...wait...you mean freundin vs eine freundin?  nah -  I don't think that's what it was about.  her explanation for why we weren't friends was that we didn't know each other's life stories and stuff in that direction.  

 

eta:  I'm not a lesbian so it's not like I was hitting on her or anything.  she might be but it's really immaterial to the context.

 

 

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I am not Homosexual... but if a buddy and I decide to head to munich on the lash for a few days, the local gossips start giving it loads pretty darned quick!

 

Some folks have fuck all better to do!

 

I remember once in 1978 hitch hiking the Canabis way in Guatalumpur... :lol::lol:

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1 hour ago, SpiderPig said:

I am not Homosexual... but if a buddy and I decide to head to munich on the lash for a few days, the local gossips start giving it loads pretty darned quick!

 

Some folks have fuck all better to do!

 

I remember once in 1978 hitch hiking the Canabis way in Guatalumpur... :lol::lol:

 🙊

 

I had a friend in 1985 who I would roll with who wore only red lipstick all the time and pink shirt and blue jean bellbottoms.  We would go club hopping every weekend. Our favorite club was Mr. Hickey on a cul de sac with good parking. Nice doorman and bouncers too.We'd pull up in my old Chevy Nova and the party was on till the crack of dawn. Then go home sleep til 1300 and wake up with a bad headache and needed lots of water without bubbles and aspirin. Then go shopping to a run down mall. Still friends to this day, but dont lend money learned my lesson from that long time ago. She's a true friend to the end and make good pies too.

 

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