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Want to get the hell out but it makes so much sense to stay for the masters

114 posts in this topic

I get it.  Overall, I like living here, but sometimes I just get so tired of all the Germanity.  I didn' come over here until I was almost 50, so language learning has been a nightmare and I wasn't planning on staying very long, bu then I met the love of my life (who is that rarity, a German who get my humor, bless his heart), so here I am.  I like my town.  Mostly, I am content.  But sometimes...
And as a white woman who looks like a typical German (except for how I usually dress), I've had other people make comments to me on the bus and other places about "Ausländer" when they see POC.  I tell them that I am also foreign and you should see them back up and tell me that, oh, but my German is so good (it isn't) and on and on.  I have friends who are POC and have excellent German and they get the looks and the muttered comments.  I got a comment and glares when I walked with a middle eastern man to a train because I was helping him find his way in the Munich HBF.   I worked in urban schools in the US and loved my students to pieces and had good relationships with the families and became very sensitive to what is and (what isn't) racism.  I believe you, Renemp.  And I understand that sometimes you just need a safe place to vent and blow off the steam.  I hope you can find a group of people to hang with and be comfortable with, maybe a gorup of young Americans.  Normally I don't recommend that, but maybe it would be helpful in this case.

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It's normal. Don't listen to well integrated foreigners with survival bias here.

 

It's absolutely normal to hate it here and absolutely normal that you failed to connect to the culture here. That can happen to anyone. That happened to me in my origin country: I totally hated the place where I was born and despite living there for 24 years, I do not understand the mentality of those people.

 

It's up to you what to do, this is wrong forum to get advice. Most people here are married to Germans and have established lives, so they consider any critical post as personal attack on their way of life.

 

I for example won't recommend to study or live anywhere outside Bavaria, which does have a share of international students in its universities. Germans themselves love to come to study to Bavaria due to better atmosphere and more welcoming academic culture. However, you said you do not want to move. Then, stay where you are.

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Maybe find somewhere else in Germany to live. I have heard a couple of off things about people in Cologne. No idea if it is true. Dusseldorf is supposed to be better and more down to earth. Berlin is very open. if you hate that area then try somewhere else.

 

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8 minutes ago, black1 said:

Maybe find somewhere else in Germany to live. I have heard a couple of off things about people in Cologne. No idea if it is true. Dusseldorf is supposed to be better and more down to earth. Berlin is very open. if you hate that area then try somewhere else.

 

We do not know where OP is- has said that it is not Cologne!

I do wonder that , based on a couple of places in Germany, OP hates everything.

I could say the same about many countries- loved Australia, but do not drag me into the boonies there! Canada? Keep to the cities for me. My home UK- am a dedicated southerner.

Glad op was able to vent , and hope life starts looking up. 

Hint- head for the snow and enjoy winter activities- meet others.

Love it up here, and enjoy being close to Nordic cousins.

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On 10/18/2019, 6:31:12, renemp said:

when I tell someone that I am American, people here are so prejudice that they instantly judge you.

 

tell them you're Canadian.  improve the "instant judgement".

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14 minutes ago, catjones said:

 

tell them you're Canadian.  improve the "instant judgement".

 

I did that in Spain under shrub - kept getting harassed by waiters and whatnot (in spite of making every, albeit pathetic, effort to speak catalan!) finally said screw it "no I'm not american I'm from Canada"

 

I returned home, told my Quebeqois friend about my trick and I swear...you've never seen someone so indignant in your life.

 

so yes, do it, but don't tell any canadians

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My two cents would be to take a good look at the bigger picture. If in the long term your life will benefit from completing studies here, then it will have been worth it. You can move on afterwards, and know that you got something out of it. Germany can feel hugely inflexible , anonymous and tiring at times. But on the other hand it is a pretty fair country, well educated and there have obviously been some opportunities for you here. What you choose to make of them, in the end is up to you. I wish you good luck man.

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Ha Lisa! This was common in my time in Latin American throughout the 70s. Loads of young Americans, perfectly nice people and not responsible for war crimes, Vietnam etc (or the CIA messing around there in Latin America ) would sport Canadian flags ...just to be safe, On their backpacks!

I had a few dangerous moments myself. One included my being in a restaurant in Buenos Aires with an Argentine girlfriend (shouldn´t have been in there-. had hardly any money..but anyway... ) and some skizzo came in with a knife and asked if people there were English. He came to me and I quickly decided - and told him so -. I was Swiss.

He wandered away and out of the place...dunno what happened then.

( By the way, this was before the conflict between Britain and Argentina in 1982 re the Falklands/ Malvinas but it was a hot topic then..and getting hotter during Isabel Peron´s nationalistic " reign " and then the military rook over anyway...but I scarpered just in time.)

 

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Ha, catjones! Du sprichst meine Seele an!

The plan was, first: anywhere where nobody else was going ie India and hippy stuff. I wanted my own hippy stuff  but California, Incas, Aztecs, Amazon and stuff like that.

So it happened.

The further plan: once down in Patagonia..to somehow get back to California and then ( without money ) to Asia and..whatever.

However, a stumbling block..I got married at age 25 in Rio and we travelled for 5 months throughout Brazil up to the North East..but then I got sick on a train and my in-laws came up to the town we were in and we ended up back in Rio.

Then we decided to continue our honeymoon and got a ticket to Morocco but hated it and moved on to Portugal ( which we loved ) and then on to London.

Long story but later to Indonesia and bits of the rest of Asia and then back to London and then to Hamburg..and later in life to Crete.

 

One of my favourite stories from my younger life: Mike from Yorkshire was in New York ( probably illegally ) for five months and wanted to go to San Francisco ( which is where IT was at! ) and he stuck his thumb out in Manhattan and a  guy stopped:

" hey, man ..where are you going`? "

" San Francisco."

" I´m going to Bolivia."

So off they went!!!

 

You only live once in our 3-Dimension. Or whatever it´s called.

Go for your dreams in life and do it. 

Or regret listening to other people, who, maybe well-meaning, don´t wish you to do it because they wouldn´t do it..envy, fear etc.

 

PS: just in case class warriors are here: I did not have a credit card or money and no way  could  I have asked for money from anyone in my family back in England. I was not privileged apart from:

youth

cheekiness

nice guy

was lucky

I lied at immigration pretty well

was quick to pick up languages

didn´t know how dangerous the world could be..though found out about it in a military gaol  ( Paraguay ).

 

And stuff like that...

 

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@renemp maybe you need to compare apples with apples. Have you attended college in the USA. Maybe as some people mentioned here, life is equally sucky in those places.

Could be that some people / smart people outgrow the last of the teenagish life and behaviour of their classmates and so, would not fit with the crowd either here or anywhere else.

If you dont fit in, then try to be an enigma, be aloof, let people keep guessing what you are upto, And use your free time to enjoy the activities you want to do.

Remember, if you could, then you would have been studying somewhere else - but you are not -  this is also part of growing up -to weigh vorteils vs nachteils :)

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2 hours ago, john g. said:

Ha, catjones! Du sprichst meine Seele an!

The plan was, first: anywhere where nobody else was going ie India and hippy stuff. I wanted my own hippy stuff  but California, Incas, Aztecs, Amazon and stuff like that.

So it happened.

The further plan: once down in Patagonia..to somehow get back to California and then ( without money ) to Asia and..whatever.

However, a stumbling block..I got married at age 25 in Rio and we travelled for 5 months throughout Brazil up to the North East..but then I got sick on a train and my in-laws came up to the town we were in and we ended up back in Rio.

Then we decided to continue our honeymoon and got a ticket to Morocco but hated it and moved on to Portugal ( which we loved ) and then on to London.

Long story but later to Indonesia and bits of the rest of Asia and then back to London and then to Hamburg..and later in life to Crete.

 

One of my favourite stories from my younger life: Mike from Yorkshire was in New York ( probably illegally ) for five months and wanted to go to San Francisco ( which is where IT was at! ) and he stuck his thumb out in Manhattan and a  guy stopped:

" hey, man ..where are you going`? "

" San Francisco."

" I´m going to Bolivia."

So off they went!!!

 

You only live once in our 3-Dimension. Or whatever it´s called.

Go for your dreams in life and do it. 

Or regret listening to other people, who, maybe well-meaning, don´t wish you to do it because they wouldn´t do it..envy, fear etc.

 

PS: just in case class warriors are here: I did not have a credit card or money and no way  could  I have asked for money from anyone in my family back in England. I was not privileged apart from:

youth

cheekiness

nice guy

was lucky

I lied at immigration pretty well

was quick to pick up languages

didn´t know how dangerous the world could be..though found out about it in a military gaol  ( Paraguay ).

 

And stuff like that...

 

I'd buy your book mate!

 

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On 18.10.2019, 12:50:50, engelchen said:

On the other hand, I actually like Germany (for the most part) and get along well with many Germans.

 

I remember you saying, it was a foolish decision for you to take German lessons at the high school, and if you hadn't taken those lessons, you would never have come to Germany. At the time, i interpreted it, as if you regretted coming to Germany.

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36 minutes ago, TurMech said:

 

I remember you saying, it was a foolish decision for you to take German lessons at the high school, and if you hadn't taken those lessons, you would never have come to Germany.

 

I still feel that way.

 

36 minutes ago, TurMech said:

At the time, i interpreted it, as if you regretted coming to Germany.

 

Not exactly. More that if I had known then what I do know, I wouldn't make the same choices again, i.e. it was not worth the time and effort. 

 

I don't like the natural sciences. Never had and never will. Engineering and CompSci do not interest me at all, which limits my employment prospects in Germany (something I didn't realise before moving here). I've needed to learn C2 German in order to work in a German office environment (nothing is done in English where I work and I have to write reports in German). The jobs that interest me the most, however, probably require even better German than what I have and at the moment I'm not willing to invest more time and effort in improving my German. Furthermore, I have a acquired a knowledge base that is of limited use outside of Germany. If I were to move, I would have probably have to start with an entry level position somewhere at first and that is something I don't want to do at the moment.

 

On the other hand, I am concerned that Germany is turning into a low wage country due its terrible economic policies. I live in Berlin, which someone on another forum recently described as a failed state. Although at first I found it funny, I soon realised that the guy is not exactly wrong. The infrastructure is crumbling and the government doesn't have a concept on how to improve it.

 

I've decided to stay here for now and see what happens. If it gets worse I can always leave (which is why I won't apply for citizenship unless I can keep my Canadian citizenship).

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16 minutes ago, engelchen said:

I don't like the natural sciences. Never had and never will. Engineering and CompSci do not interest me at all, which limits my employment prospects in Germany (something I didn't realise before moving here). I've needed to learn C2 German in order to work in a German office environment (nothing is done in English where I work and I have to write reports in German). The jobs that interest me the most, however, probably require even better German than what I have and at the moment I'm not willing to invest more time and effort in improving my German. Furthermore, I have a acquired a knowledge base that is of limited use outside of Germany. If I were to move, I would have probably have to start with an entry level position somewhere at first and that is something I don't want to do at the moment.

 

On the other hand, I am concerned that Germany is turning into a low wage country due its terrible economic policies. I live in Berlin, which someone on another forum recently described as a failed state. Although at first I found it funny, I soon realised that the guy is not exactly wrong. The infrastructure is crumbling and the government doesn't have a concept on how to improve it.

 

No doubt the prospects are quite many in Engineering and Compsci and the German language level required is low or even zero.

 

However, the low wage issue exists even for Engineering and Compsci graduates apart from a few lucky ones.

 

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55 minutes ago, engelchen said:

 I live in Berlin, which someone on another forum recently described as a failed state. Although at first I found it funny, I soon realised that the guy is not exactly wrong. The infrastructure is crumbling and the government doesn't have a concept on how to improve it.

 

I also heard the name Reichshauptslum.

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16 hours ago, The Vindictive said:

No doubt the prospects are quite many in Engineering and Compsci and the German language level required is low or even zero.

 

German employers are doing everything in their power to put downward pressure on wages. Engineers and IT grads who are desparate to stay here are being hired for relatively low wages and those who can't speak German have few options.

 

16 hours ago, The Vindictive said:

However, the low wage issue exists even for Engineering and Compsci graduates apart from a few lucky ones.

 

I actually think that now I'm working in a German working environment that my prospects are better than many engineering and IT grads.

 

I have a job that requires knowledge of German rules, regulations, and laws and that can't be outsourced to Eastern Europe or Asia. I also am competing mostly against Germans for jobs and the German workforce is shrinking. At the same time I don't have to worry about newly arrived foreigners who barely speak German.

 

I'm more worried about getting even less for my taxes in the way of services due to a lower proportion of the workforce contributing to the tax base (but now we are really getting off topic).

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5 minutes ago, engelchen said:

I'm more worried about getting even less for my taxes in the way of services due to a lower proportion of the workforce contributing to the tax base (but now we are really getting off topic).

 

Not forgetting the state pension situation...

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19 hours ago, engelchen said:

I live in Berlin, which someone on another forum recently described as a failed state. Although at first I found it funny, I soon realised that the guy is not exactly wrong. The infrastructure is crumbling and the government doesn't have a concept on how to improve it.

 

Many Berliners, particularly the over 50's, will "happily" describe Berlin as a failed state. 

 

The local and national governments both have many concepts on how to improve things and the financing is often generous and in place. The problem is they do not have a workable concept for effectively dealing with substantial established and embedded vested interest groups who will not allow improvement at the cost of their own (petty) power bases. The culture of compromise is not working. 

 

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2 hours ago, HEM said:

 

Not forgetting the state pension situation...

 

With the increasing costs of living, especially on the housing situation, it seems, it will almost be impossible to live with a pension in Germany. On top of this, people who have migrated to Germany after a certain age (like me), will have paid into the system less than those, who joined the workforce right after their graduation, thus will have a (assuming lived long enough to retire) much less pension. 

 

https://www.spiegel.de/wirtschaft/soziales/rente-mit-69-dgb-warnt-vor-eiskalter-kuerzung-fuer-arbeiter-a-1292663.html

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