Tips on a slow separation for a stay-at-home mom

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I'm interested in trying a separation from my husband but am curious where to find assistance finding and financing an apartment? It's very important to me that I do not have to immediately begin working a full-time job because I'm very engaged in my daughter's upbringing and we are very attached. We had two unsuccessful attempts at daycare because we both were not ready to part for so many hours. So I would prefer if I had something that was just enough to cover the bills until I make better plans. If it's not possible then maybe I will stay where I'm at in order to preserve our time together.

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He has paid for food some of the time. And he plays with our daughter, but not very much or very often. Sometimes 5 minutes a day, sometimes an hour or two. He has also left for several months at a time more than once. 

 

In return he's given me lots of headaches resolving his unpaid bills.

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I am currently separated, and also not ready to work as I am still studyin, but also my children are still so young. The thought of it is so scary but going through it? Super easy,. I was super scared of separation thinking I will not survive, but all you need here is a good lawyer, your husbands salary slips, and confirmation of separation. Your husband will have to provide for you and your child, for you, until the child is 3 years, and then further for the child, and the child´s accommodation. They calculate what he has to contribute, basing on his salary, and acoording to the Düsseldorfer Tabelle, and if you are lucky he has a good salary, you will get more than enough. From what my husband is supposed to pay to me he deducts for the kids kindergartens, rent, internet, and my ticket, and hands over the balance to me. He moved out, and finally I am making peace from the shatters of the relationship. Good Luck.

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19 hours ago, MLmunich said:

He has also left for several months at a time more than once. 

 

Business travel? Where does he go?

 

His unpaid bills are your unpaid bills so long as you're married AFAIK.

 

I'm so sorry for your situation.

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Unfortunately he is self-employed and doesn't earn much and he doesn't even do his accounting, I've been doing that with the help of the Toytown forum as well as paying all his debts to the Finanzamt.

 

How do you get confirmation of separation?

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Well, you could apply for Trennungsunterhalt, but that is a part of the divorce proceedings, and doesn't help with the Finanzamt:  https://www.toytowngermany.com/wiki/Divorce_in_Germany

 

 

For your problem you don't need to go as far as initiating a divorce, you simply apply to the Finanzamt that even though you filed jointly, that the tax debt should be split up proportionally between the two of you. This is called an Antrag auf Aufteilungsbescheid nach §§268ff AO (see here for English version).

In that case, you don't lose the tax advantages of being married, but the state can only dun you for your part of the tax debt.

This is only possible if there already is a debt, i.e. an Einkommensteuerbescheid exists, and only if you haven't already paid off that debt.

Many "happily" married couples apply for an Aufteilungsbescheid because they want a fair split of taxes in their marriage.

 

You can read more about the Aufteilungsbescheid (in German) here: 

 

 

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Considering that he does not earn a lot, I would not count on any support after separation. As has already been pointed out here it is depending on income and if thats not a lot deduction of Kindergarten and other expenses may lead to actually nothing given to you plus  any time that the child stays with him can be deducted as well. Plus past year three you have to go back to your job. Unless you are married to a real rich guy it usually ends in little money for you.

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I know someone who is separated and has 3 kids.  He is also self employed, also not making much money.  He was ordered to pay support 150 €/month for each of his kids.  His ex has been getting elterngeld + kindergeld + alg ii as far as I know.  They originally did not have a fixed amount of support but the jobcenter made her get it.

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On 4/13/2019, 9:06:02, PandaMunich said:

...that the tax debt should be split up proportionally between the two of you. ... the state can only dun you for your part of the tax debt.

 

Thank you, Panda. I'm wondering... How is my part of the tax debt calculated? If I'm a stay at home mom with no income, am I still obligated to pay part of his debt?

 

I already paid his most recent debts, but I fear how long this is going to go on and need to find a more longer term solution. I think for the sake of my child and some perhaps crazy part of me that holds on, I'm not ready to divorce yet, but I need to find a way to get peace of mind that his problems are not my problems and let go of them all and leave them all to him to grow up.

 

So if for now I just stay with him, am I legally responsible for all his unpaid bills (credit cards, medical, taxes, you name it)? I guess I understand that unless I do the Aufteilungsbescheid when filing jointly then I am responsible for his debts to the Finanzamt, but even Umsatzsteuer? And other debts?

 

Thanks.

 

 

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 The general rule is that as a spouse, you are only liable for debt that you explicitly signed for: https://www.finanztip.de/haftung-ehegatte/

 

So, only if both of you signed your rental contract, can the landlord dun you for the entire rent.

 

Same reasoning with a credit card, if only he signed the credit card contract, it's his debt and only his debt. 

 

Since only he signed his medical insurance contract, it's his debt.

 

However, through the fact that you filed the income tax return jointly, which in the past meant that both of you signed it on paper (now it's signed electronically with just one Elster digital certificate, but that counts as both of you signing in the case of the income tax return), you two became joint debtors (= Gesamtschuldner) for the entire income tax debt, which means that the Finanzamt was allowed to get all the income tax debt from either one of you.

Once you apply for the Aufteilungsbescheid, that joint debt is again turned into individual debts and since you have no income of your own,  you will then not owe any income tax, since your proportion of the family income was 0% and therefore your part of the income tax debt is also 0%.

 

You never have to pay his VAT (Umsatzsteuer) debt, as long as you were not in business with him.

He is the Unternehmer, he has to pay the Umsatzsteuer.

You can also see that from the fact, that back in the times when the Umsatzsteuererklärung was on paper, only the spouse who had the business signed it.

Same answer by a lawyer: https://www.frag-einen-anwalt.de/Umsatzsteuerschulden-Haftet-getrennt-lebender-Ehegatte--f61633.html

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