Moving away after divorce leaving kids with their mother

8 posts in this topic

Hi,

I am in a situation where I need to move and NOT take my two kids with me. My ex and I live in a small town, where her parents and family are, and where this kids go to School. I have transferred ownership of our house to her and I rent a flat.  I am contractor and may need to move away for work, even back to the UK or the States. They are better off where they are, with the house, Schools, friends, family etc.. and as much as it would break my heart to have to leave, I am in a situation that work opportunities are very limited here and moving away may be further than somewhere where I could have them with me every weekend. 

 

If she were to be left here to look after the kids, and I could only get back see them on School holidays, what are the legal implications of moving away? Can I be sued for abandonment or be forced to stay within a radius that means I am able to take my share of custody? We currently share custody. Currently I pay full child support to her (and more), and the kids currently stay with me nearly 50% of the time. 

 

All I can find out about this is from situations where people are trying to move away and take the kids with them.

 

I assume she could go to the Jugendamt and lawyer to force me to stay in this area, or if I continue to pay full child support and maintain contact with the children, am I free to move away?

 

Many Thanks

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As far as I know nobody can stop you from moving. You could go to JA yourself and discuss it with them. Have you talked with your ex? Would she be against your moving?

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Thanks a lot Leon.  I've not discussed it yet, the divorce is still in process, we're separated 1 and half years now. I'll speak to the Jugendamt. I guarantee she'll be against me moving, as me having the kids is enabling her free time and business trips right now, so she's comfortable with the situation, she has the house and full child support coming in and only needs to be there half the time. Her job requires her to travel at least once a month, so If I'm not there she may have to find another job locally, which may be less pay and may be forced to sell the house, so I'm concerned leaving the kids with her might give her rights to take legal action. She could get a nanny, and does have her parents around, but she's likely to try to stop me in some way or claim for extra costs.  Thanks for the info,

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13 hours ago, Supertata said:

which may be less pay and may be forced to sell the house

 

Wouldn't she have to pay rent then?

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Well, she would have extra costs, so I can see that the court would be taking this into account.

Generally if both parents can agree on a custody model, the courts will just go with it, so your best bet is the peaceful approach (albeit after speaking to a lawyer, forewarned and all that). You would probably have to give up custody (you could still retain rights to visitation), as it's not practical to have shared custody with one parent a continent away.

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Hi,

 

Thanks all for the responses. I have now informed my Ex that I need to leave Germany in September. We are now also divorced.

 

My reasons for having to leave Germany are important and private, otherwise I would explain here.  Lets just assume I have no choice and have to leave. 

 

My Ex now has full ownership of our house, receives and will continue to receive full child support payments from me for our two children. She has her parents and other family to support her in the town where she lives. She works from home and travels for work several times a month.

 

Up to now the children stay with me at my apartment for 12 to 15 nights a month.  We have no written agreement to this schedule and have joint custody. In our divorce and notary agreement it states that the children live with their mother at her house. 

 

I understand the moral issues and psychological effects my leaving Germany will have on the kids, not to mention that my ex may need to find a different job, or get additional childcare.That is not what I'm asking about here.

 

My Ex is refusing to let me go away at all, even for a few months.  She's saying I have a joint responsibility to care for our kids and I cannot move away, ever. To be clear,  I am NOT trying to take the kids with me, she keeps the house, the kids, lives round the corner from her parents and receives full child support payments from me. I would take the kids if she would let me but she refuses that also.

 

Please, I need to know from a legal perspective what she can do to stop me moving away, can she get the court to issue a custody order that requires I must be here, or see them x number of days a month, or live within a radius of x number of kilometers??  

 

My lawyer is not very clear on this, she's just said I shouldn't worry, and we'll see what she tries to do, etc... but no clear legal answer. I need to know what options my Ex has from her point of view, as she is sending me emails saying I can't leave,saying that I have joint custody and need to be here to take care of my kids at least 50% of the time. I know if I move away I risk losing my half of the custody (e.g. decisions over the children's lives) and I accept that. I will stay in contact via skype, phone, and visit them several times a year and have them with me for School holidays etc...I am not planning to abandon them completely, I just won't be there in their daily lives. 

 

Appreciate any insight and advice, 

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

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6 hours ago, Supertata said:

Please, I need to know from a legal perspective what she can do to stop me moving away, can she get the court to issue a custody order that requires I must be here, or see them x number of days a month, or live within a radius of x number of kilometers??  

 

I can't find anything online that says she could do that.  There is however a visitation duty as well as a right but you are not saying you are cutting contact with your kids, you are going to move away and you will not be seeing them often, possibly on vacations or having talks with them over the internet.  This is doable if all parties are in agreement.  However, keep in mind that if your wife is not in agreement, you may not be video chatting your children as much as you'd like to or even at all and there is very little you can do about it when you are not in Germany.  I assume the kids can stay with her parents if they are in the same town so there would be no extra cost to her.  How old are the kids?  Did you talk to JA?

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1 hour ago, LeonG said:

I can't find anything online that says she could do that.  

 

and you haven't got a friend that's been in this situation? 

 

Well, there's a first.

 

Having said that it does, for me anyway, bring into question your morals and beliefs, perhaps when questions like this arise you should steer well clear, anyone can go online and do their own research so you're not in yourself unique.

 

8 hours ago, Supertata said:

My reasons for having to leave Germany are important and private, otherwise I would explain here.  Lets just assume I have no choice and have to leave. 

 

Have you never heard of 'coming out'?

 

What other reason could a father leave their children other than for self indulgence?

 

From what little information you have given, you deserve everything your wife could throw at you.

 

It doesn't matter what you call it, how you want to explain or dress it up, if you're leaving the country for the long term you are abandoning your responsibilities and your children.

 

My advice from father to father is you need a fucking reality check.

 

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