I like my roommate more than a friend, but.. she does this..

21 posts in this topic

So basically I like my roommate more than a friend and I do not want to tell her that because I am scared of the consequences of this relation, i don’t have the funds to look elsewhere if things get "awkward" (rejection), i’m only staying in for 6 months before her old roommate (girl) comes back and this month is my first.

 

What makes me wonder is that she has a friend who she said she met through her tango classes, and this guy keeps crashin at her place (room, the entire flat is two rooms basically), i even made sure to ask her “indirectly” if she had something for him, she told me she was single and had broken up with her ex a few months ago, i would tease her and say for instance how annoyingly chatty he could be (just to see if she defends him) and she would laugh about it and support my opinions, she even mentioned that she could never live permanently with him, she usually allows him to stay after they spend the night together dancing and come back late, or he just rings and 'invites himself' to stay, he's "obviously" trying it and she's either lying to me or that she's polyamourous and i'm not into that kinda crap.

 

The idea that i either end up not saying a word about i feel (felt) for her makes me go wild. i often get jealous when this tango "friend" is around and i know i'm not supposed too but i really can't help it.

 

I know i sound pretty naive right now, i've never been in a relationship with a german girl before and i don't know if it's boredom, convenience or both maybe, but i honestly don't believe something special could happen with this girl.

So, could you guys offer any tips on how should i act ? much appreciated yall.

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Man. My first instinct was to screw with you but every guy has to be in the freind zone once in a while. 

If she wanted to dance the dance with no steps with you you would know it by now. She's not interested in you. She has a casual  thing going on and she likes it that way. She doesn't want to babysit a roommate who has feelings for her. This is a roommate relationship and not romance. Don't get jealous cause that's a game you'll never win with this girl. 

Unleash your frustration into finding another place with a roommate that doesn't activate your primal instincts. Or get married and have kids. 

 

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Well thanks for that my man. I just wanted a mere confirmation so that i know where i stand with her and i presume this was all her fault since she could have mentioned she was in a relationship (even if she werent but just to portray shes not interested) but instead she gives me hope, and invites me to watch romantic movies on her huge bed whilst smiling the entire time, im not a wizard, i thought this is it, but not after she keeps havin this guy stay over. i dont care if they „do nothin“.. the good news is i think of myself as mature enough to shwich my feelings for her into something positive like meeting other girls for example, im almost a teenage still, so marriage and kids isnt a priority for me at the moment.

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Sorry for the marriage dig. I know where you're at and it's frustrating to live with an attractive female and be friends. It ca be done but she's got the power in the situation as long as she senses any interest from you.  Best to keep it non-sexual and non-romantic. 

You'll manage, I'm sure. You had sense enough to ask advice so I know you are capable of some reasoning when temptation is around. You don't know what kind of drama will emerge when there are other guys sniffing around. Best to let them get the idea you're just a roommate. 

 

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Very young man sharing a two-room flat with attractive young female. Hmm... now how does that story usually finish? Happily ever after...?

May I suggest you flat-share with men only in the future?

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I agree with the others, and would also say that I often think this sort of feeling might be telling us something.  OK, you may think she is unattainable, but maybe you might want to get out there and find young women who you can be with :).   I would suggest keeping out of this lady`s private life, as well.  Don`t go there, however tempting.  

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2 hours ago, Endstation said:

i presume this was all her fault since she could have mentioned she was in a relationship

 

where did you get the idea that your feelings are her responsibility?  they are not.  Not ever, but especially not when she has no earthly clue you have "feelings" for her

 

2 hours ago, Endstation said:

i think of myself as mature enough to shwich my feelings for her into something positive

 

do that.

 

 

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1 hour ago, optimista said:

Very young man sharing a two-room flat with attractive young female. Hmm... now how does that story usually finish? Happily ever after...?

May I suggest you flat-share with men only in the future?

 

I get the intention behind this suggestion, and it's certainly a solution, but what's next?  Don't work with attractive young females that he can't date?

 

better to come to terms with the idea that he will encounter women throughout his life that he can't "have", and that he needs to find strategies for dealing with that, just like everyone else.

 

 

 

 

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Endstation, use your friendship with your flatemate to your advantage - ask her if she has any single friends or, even better, go dancing with her and get a dance partner for yourself. Key is to get out there, stay positive and you will meet someone. Good luck! 

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1 hour ago, pmd said:

Endstation, use your friendship with your flatemate to your advantage - ask her if she has any single friends or, even better, go dancing with her and get a dance partner for yourself. Key is to get out there, stay positive and you will meet someone. Good luck! 

 

I‘ll think about that! Good tip. And i‘ll definately ask if she knows someone who‘s single. I‘m not into dancing though, and moreover i think i‘m not doing myself any favors if i‘m extending the hours of seeing her and interacting with her. we‘ll give it a shot though. 100% Positive and im grateful for most of advices in here.

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20 minutes ago, Endstation said:

And i‘ll definately ask if she knows someone who‘s single.

Are you sure she is aware that you were interested in her? Maybe she thinks you aren´t as you watched movies with her on her nice wide bed and left it at that? If that´s the case and you ask her to introduce her to other singles she´d probably think you´re freezing her off. Before you do that you should make sure she knew about your interest.

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31 minutes ago, jeba said:

Are you sure she is aware that you were interested in her? Maybe she thinks you aren´t as you watched movies with her on her nice wide bed and left it at that? If that´s the case and you ask her to introduce her to other singles she´d probably think you´re freezing her off. Before you do that you should make sure she knew about your interest.

 

No jeba, i‘m not sure, even though most people here say she‘s obviously not interested.

I‘ve already mentioned in my texts why i didn‘t make a move on her (had load of chances movie nights are only an example)/said anything sofar and after reading the feedback and thinking of this logically it would be very risky almost irresponsible if i reveil that whilst this dude keeps sniffin on her in the name of dance pals and friendship. If she magically stops letting him crash at her place and snuggle on him like theyre warming up for a fucknight later THEN i will be interested in her again.

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Sorry you are hung up on a woman who is not interested in you. It won't be the last time, I am sure. We have all been in that place.

 

BUT

This just pisses me off.

 

30 minutes ago, Endstation said:

 

THEN i will be interested in her again.

 

You have a crush on your roommate, have neven been on a date etc. and you are already making demands in your head and conditions that would make her "worthy" of you? So not on!

Maybe I misread that, but you might want to get rid of that attitude rather quickly. No woman wants a man who tries to tell her what to do, who she can see or be friends or hang out.

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24 minutes ago, maxie said:

Maxie

This just pisses me off.

Sorry you were pissed off, i thought i was pissed off. would you look at that<_<

Not Maybe, you DID misread what i said, i never said i would like to dictate who she sees or hangs out with, what?! you literally deleted everything i said and quoted " then i'll be interested" who does that?! did you read anything i wrote about the whole situation and the guy she has sleeping over before you decided your advice is gonna help out?

 

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hey man, relax

 

she already admitted she could have misunderstood, but you are assuming we are in your head or know your "tone" or personality or whatever.  Sorry but no, but we don't.  

 

for whatever it's worth I can TOTALLY see why maxie understood your post the way she did.  you don't read well.  

 

also remember that this is an open forum which is not dedicated to giving you answers you want to hear.  

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Does watching movies on her bed require you to make a pass at her? No it does not. It is not an invitation for anything more than watching a film - unless you get a definite, clear, unmistakeable indication otherwise. She'll let you know and there will be no doubt if she is interested in you.  I note the OP is Tunisian. Different culture and attitudes... are you familiar with the term "friends with benefits" ?

 

If the lady sees you purely as a flat mate, she is gonna be horrified if and when you move in. Then one of you will have to move out. Swatting off men is such a bore. Especially at home.

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Some words of advice:

 

#1 - you are having feelings which is completely normal for a young man not to mention less experience (you are young! so by definition ought to have little experience) and cultural background

#2 - the female posters here are jumping the gun a bit on being judgemental, so don't take them too seriously or anyone's advice too seriously here

#3 - after her break up, this young woman is probably seeking a little validation and/or friendship with other males to different degrees (perhaps flirtering with men online and at social events, found a dance partner to distract herself, and hanging with the male roomate who is readily around). This is also normal - and why the friend zone is a typical thing many males experience.

#4 - if she wants anything she will start laying it thick on you - meaning touching you,  etc. otherwise just consider that she just wants company and nothing more (in other words she is bored! oh my dinner date just canceled  - at least there is romance comedy to watch with Mohammed!)

#5 - the roommate situation is something you don't want to mess with... find another girl - do online dating. At least when you meet women this way, you both know the purpose of your social interaction

 

Don't be like Chris Rock said "a dick in a glass case"...  believe me don't play that game!! -  it is not worth it!  The man always loses - 99% of time she will turn you down.  

 

If you need a good laugh about your situation, just watch this clip - he basically broke it down better than anyone else:

 

 

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oh my goodness

 

you know nothing about women - or you have very, very bad taste - let alone the woman the OP has a crush on.

 

you are literally just making shit up

 

 

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9 hours ago, wien4ever said:

...the female posters here are jumping the gun a bit on being judgemental, so don't take them too seriously

No, we are just women...

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