Loud child in an apartment above. And unrelated whinge about noise in general

139 posts in this topic

I think you missed the irony in TheGreatDivide's comments. Discipline has definitely gone out of fashion. I have been called fundamentalist, medieval and Talibanesque for trying to impose limits. If there is no support from others,however, you end up looking like a dick for trying and the kid sees you being undermined which totally erodes your authority. My teenager is now acting like a teenager and I am shaking my head in despair and wondering where it is all gonna end. Like so many before me.

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TL:DR if you don't have children or don't care.

My first three children ended up all right, though I was a disaster as their mother when they were young.  Why?  Because I didn't discipline them; rather, I didn't teach them to discipline themselves. Jeez, I spanked them enough, but somehow that turned out not to result in self-discipline.  Huh.
But since I started over when those three were teen-agers, I'd been able to recognize my deficiencies.  From the beginning, in the delivery room, I held Vierling and later Fuenfling and told them what good babies they were.  When they were old enough to reach for things on the no-no list, I'd hold a little wrist - this makes them look at you - and gently/firmly say, 'Not for a good boy.'  I was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mother, so I could keep a constant eagle eye on them and stop behavior that might turn bad. I didn't have to use corporal punishment.  Besides, I now believed that children shouldn't have to be afraid that their parents will hurt them.
So yes, I hovered like a helicopter, monitoring their behavior and always stressing that they were good boys and that 'We don't do that/say that.'  
We spent a week in a Venetian pension when the boys were 8 and 3, and on the last day the concierge went through her bundle of passports twice, looking for ours.  I could see our blue US passports as she ruffled through, and on her third try I pointed them out.  'Oh!' she said, 'Your boys are so well-behaved, I thought you were German!' (This woman believed the myth of Germans' iron control of their children.)

Little tricks, probably well-known to dog handlers:  you can get your child's attention with a whistle or a tongue click, useful if you're out of doors and don't want to yell your child's name.  A raised and shaken index finger can be a warning, or a shaken head, or both!  A smart pat on the top of a child's head can bring him to attention.  
They were happy boys, easy teens, and now they're happy men, because they always took pride in being good instead of bearing the shame of being called bad.  And I can focus my guilt on having made the older children's childhoods unhappy.

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*hugs katheliz*

I would have taken you over my real mother in any shape or form... in a New York minute. :)

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Thank you, @Metall.  But my oldest son had me pegged.  When he was seven, I said to him, 'I know I've been a crabby mother.  Would you like it better if I were your big sister?'  He answered, 'No, you'd probably just be a crabby big sister.'

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On 11.7.2019, 20:53:03, katheliz said:

TL:DR if you don't have children or don't care.

My first three children ended up all right, though I was a disaster as their mother when they were young.  Why?  Because I didn't discipline them; rather, I didn't teach them to discipline themselves. Jeez, I spanked them enough, but somehow that turned out not to result in self-discipline.  Huh.
But since I started over when those three were teen-agers, I'd been able to recognize my deficiencies.  From the beginning, in the delivery room, I held Vierling and later Fuenfling and told them what good babies they were.  When they were old enough to reach for things on the no-no list, I'd hold a little wrist - this makes them look at you - and gently/firmly say, 'Not for a good boy.'  I was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mother, so I could keep a constant eagle eye on them and stop behavior that might turn bad. I didn't have to use corporal punishment.  Besides, I now believed that children shouldn't have to be afraid that their parents will hurt them.
So yes, I hovered like a helicopter, monitoring their behavior and always stressing that they were good boys and that 'We don't do that/say that.'  
We spent a week in a Venetian pension when the boys were 8 and 3, and on the last day the concierge went through her bundle of passports twice, looking for ours.  I could see our blue US passports as she ruffled through, and on her third try I pointed them out.  'Oh!' she said, 'Your boys are so well-behaved, I thought you were German!' (This woman believed the myth of Germans' iron control of their children.)

Little tricks, probably well-known to dog handlers:  you can get your child's attention with a whistle or a tongue click, useful if you're out of doors and don't want to yell your child's name.  A raised and shaken index finger can be a warning, or a shaken head, or both!  A smart pat on the top of a child's head can bring him to attention.  
They were happy boys, easy teens, and now they're happy men, because they always took pride in being good instead of bearing the shame of being called bad.  And I can focus my guilt on having made the older children's childhoods unhappy.

I do love this comment and every single letter, word or truth in it.

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You can't solve this legally, as the law seems to be on the child's side but there is always payback. 

Here's my story: 

 

2.5 years ago, the single lesbian above got a brand new baby ( she's lesbian and I've never seen her with a man but somehow she got a baby, her first. Thank god for the miracle of advanced medicine!). For 1.5 years, the baby cried almost every night. I didn't even think of complaining because I realised that crying is out of anyone's control and it's unreasonable to demand that the child is calmed instantly. I got really tired, it interfered with my personal and professional life, it was as if I had a baby of my own but I accepted the situation. However, after 1.5 years the baby stopped crying and started "talking" and running and here is where the fun part starts. 

 

Both the mother's stride and the baby's jogging are so severe that they shake my hanging ceil light and they wake me up ( I was getting that at any time between 7am and 11pm). The mother stride has always been like that but it didn't bother me as it was not happening very often. I got in contact with her and told her to try minimise this type of noise. Since we are in Germany and we don't really talk to or have contact details of neighbours, I wrote her a polite, almost defensive note and put it in her postbox. Her answer: "If you can't have a normal face to face discussion, I'm not willing to change anything" ( interestingly, the only two face-to-face interactions we had had, were initiated by me, she hadn't even said "hi" before that. Anyway, different discussion for another time). Two months later, I meet her in front of the building and start a discussion on the topic. Conclusion: "How do I even dare to suggest to move the baby to another room" ( apparently I had suggested that in my note ). No intention to address the problem, no intention to collaborate. 

 

That's when I realised I needed to solve the problem differently: I bought a powerful sound bar ( I've always wanted one of those anyway ), placed it on the wardrobe in my bedroom, facing upwards, and created a script which plays randomly 3 types of 30-sec sound samples: baby cry, porn and scary movie. The sounds are played every 30 to 50 minutes ( this is important* because, if police shows up, it minimises the chance that they hear the sound coming from your apartment ) and it doesn't play between 2pm and 4pm as this is the official rest time in my building.

 

I was starting the script every morning before going to work and stopping it every evening when back. Over the next 2 months, she showed up to my door at least 5 times, complaining about the weird noises: she started with a cool attitude and jokes around how much porn I watch and ended yelling, telling me she had called police and they had been in front of my door and threatening she will sue me. 

 

Interestingly enough, she was the only one complaining even though I share walls with 2 other neighbours ( I guess it's because single mothers and their babies are always at home, while other people leave during the day). Fast-forward: I haven't seen her around and I haven't heard any noise in the apartment above since November last year. Her name is still on the door and on the postbox, so she still lives here, theoretically.

 

Moral of the story: dear parents try to be collaborative when it comes to the noises your babies make ;)

 

(*) A more advanced script can be created involving a camera or a mic to detect presence in front of your door ( so that you trick police )

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14 minutes ago, knappy said:

the single lesbian above got a brand new baby

You make it sound like she got it from Amazon. :mellow:

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52 minutes ago, lunaCH said:

You make it sound like she got it from Amazon. :mellow:

Well why not seem like they are happy to sell everything else!:rolleyes:

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2 hours ago, keith2011 said:

Well why not seem like they are happy to sell everything else!:rolleyes:

There are plenty of sectors that Amazon can/may/probably will expand into. I'd be happy to be able to buy/source further goods and services on the same website.

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21 hours ago, keith2011 said:

Well why not seem like they are happy to sell everything else!:rolleyes:

 

Just make sure you don't click the Spar Abo button by mistake like @arunadasi  ;)

 

 

 

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1 minute ago, clickety6 said:

 

Just make sure you don't click the Spar Abo button by mistake like @arunadasi  ;)

 

 

 

Speaking of arunadasi, she hasn't logged in here since April 12, hope she's ok!

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@arunadasi is OK!
She says to say hello to all who asked and especially to @fraufruit and @john g..

She still is happy in Ireland with her family, published a book last month and has two more in the pipeline. :)

 

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9 minutes ago, katheliz said:

Why is this important for us to know?

 

And the weird thing of determining the sexual orientation of a neighbour they do not know.  And again, thinking they got pregnant with advanced medical supervision.  Super crazy.  Super stupid.

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3 hours ago, snowingagain said:

 

And the weird thing of determining the sexual orientation of a neighbour they do not know.  And again, thinking they got pregnant with advanced medical supervision.  Super crazy.  Super stupid.

He hit on her and she blew him off, so obviously she must be lesbian, ammirite?

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On 19/06/2020, 13:29:20, alderhill said:

 

Wow, cool, it's official, you are a gigantic piece of shit.

You have any arguments, or you just wanted to throw in your insult ?

 

On 19/06/2020, 13:29:20, alderhill said:

 

Yea, you know, or little kids grow up. The other neighbours probably figured you were just a compulsive wanker and kept their distance. Ha ha, joke's on them, right?

More irrelevant insults?

 

On 19/06/2020, 13:29:20, alderhill said:

 

Please don't have children so they aren't cursed with your sociopathic genes.

Arguments for the "sociopathic" ?

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