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What can I do if my flatmate is mental ?

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Hello everybody, 

 

Some background information

 

Through the standard procedure - wg gesucht -> visited the flat -> met my flatmate -> signed the contract as a subrenter -> moved in last July.

She is around mid 30s or nearly 40. Has a dog. Not working. 

Contact is between my flatmate and me. A sublease for the room I have. 

Later on I found out that the apartment is actually rented by her girlfriend, and she subleased the whole flat from her girlfriend. I transfer my rent to her girlfriend's bank account - When I just moved in, I asked my flatmate that so I just transfer the rent to the landlord (because I saw it on the contract that the account is not under my flatmate's name). She answered yes. 

Her girlfriend was there when I visited the apartment. But they didn't say a word about it. 

Her girlfriend has the key to the flat. Entered and stayed anytime. Almost 5 days a week they're there together the whole day. 

 

I work as a freelancer and my work engagements are mainly outside of Berlin. I'm here in the flat less than 50% of the time. 

 

I pay my rent regularly.

 

Situations

 

Early stage:

- She ignored almost every time when I greeted her like "Hi", "Morning" and "How are you" 

- Not replying to my messages regards to notifications of some appointments from the building. 

- Rearranging the set up personal stuff in the bathroom and kitchen. But like shifting everything around. Sometimes I had a hard time finding my stuff afterwards. I know we all have different standard, but from my perspective - I'm not any untidier than her.

- Using my grocessaries without asking - normally I don't really care. So it was very fine for me in the beginning. I sometimes bought things like oil, ketchup, or simply just some fruits and put it on the table with the little note "share : ) " . Sometimes she would just put rotten veggies or expired milk/eggs in my section and saying that they're from me. In the beginning I thought I might really forget about it or so. But slowly I realized that they're not even from the shops I normally do groceries. 

 

Later on:

- She was doing big cleaning in the kitchen when I was about to leave the house. I told her with a smile "thank you so much. please leave the bathroom to me, I'll take care of it these days." She answered without turning her head "You don't have to thank me when I'm cleaning my apartment."

- My boyfriend once visited me from Switzerland and stayed four nights with me. I notified her weeks ahead. The only comment she said was "then you have to buy toilet papers because you have more people." One morning we were having breakfast in the kitchen, she's doing things in her studying room with the door opened. We felt a little bit bad that we might bother her with our noise from chatting and making food since she is probably reading or trying to concentrate on something. So we closed the door. She came immediately, shouted to us that "please leave the door open. this kitchen is a common area." 

- One week later. She's having lunch at the kitchen table when I arrived home. I entered the kitchen, started to prepare my lunch. She asked me to leave, said "I'm still using the space. You're not allowed to be here." 

 

Now:

- Elbowed me to try to cross when I was cooking and standing by the stove chopping my vegetables. Shouting at me saying that " oh yeah it's so important to stand there now ?! " 

- I was eating at our kitchen table. She arrived home, came in the kitchen to make coffee and prepare the food for her dog. We didn't speak a single word. And she asked me to leave very impolitely. 

- I was super sick. My friend came around to visit me and bring some food - since I'm so terrified to enter the kitchen now. He stayed there for less than two hours. We were mostly just in my room with the door closed. Before my friend was about to leave, he went to the toilet. My flatmate came out from her room, stood right in front of the bathroom with her dog. When my friend came out from the toilet, the dog started to bark at him. My flatmate, "She's (the dog) from here. You're not."

 

etc.

etc.

....

 

------------------------

 

Actually I noticed that she's not completely comfortable with interacting with people the first time I met her. But it's alright for me. I appreciate how she organises the flat and I think she's not a bad person because she takes nice care of her belongings. Then I moved in. Then everything went really far beyond my understanding. Most of the time I still try to stay soft and ask her if there are other things that she actually would like to talk about since I really don't understand why she'd just flic in such an extreme way. She normally responded "I don't want to share my feelings with you." period. 

 

We still never had any crazy fights in my opinions. I try my best not to put extra pressure and damage on her. But slowly I started to have some weird syndromes like sweating, bad headache, panic and so on every time when I hear her in the morning. Few other times when I was on my way home, or after our unpleasant conversations. 

 

I'm moving out by the end of February. She kicked me out basically - I don't mind, I planned to move anyway. 

 

In general she's getting more and more aggressive. I really don't understand. I try to spend as little time at home as possible. So now I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do to protect myself or at least to ask for some justice if things ever gotten worse in the coming weeks... And I really have a feeling that to live and deal with her has caused some threats on my mental health... 

 

 

Thank you so much in advance. 

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These things happen, and good to hear you have friends around.  Living in same flat does not always work out.

  Make sure you give notice as per contract,  and any issues- Mieterverein. ( Did you join?)

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1 hour ago, halosad said:

Hello everybody, 

 

Some background information

 

Through the standard procedure - wg gesucht -> visited the flat -> met my flatmate -> signed the contract as a subrenter -> moved in last July.

She is around mid 30s or nearly 40. Has a dog. Not working. 

 

 

Sorry, as I'm an impatient lazy old sod I can't be arsed reading all that but I find I do have to ask "how many dogs do you know who do work?"

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With this experience, do a better job interviewing and investigating your next living arrangement.

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If you can: don't let her push you around. Push back. Be rude right back. Most bullies will back off if they are met by resistance. Some suggestions:

Ich wohne auch hier.

Lass mich in Ruhe.

Das geht dich nichts an.

Du bist unverschämt.

 

In a normal WG, she can't kick you out of the communal areas. If you avoid the kitchen, she is winning.

Take your non-perishables into your room if you don't want her eating them. Lock the door.

If you have paid a Kaution, the suggestion of Mieterverein above is a good one. Also for future rentals.  

 

But mostly: Well done for finding a new place. Some people are just a... You should be able to relax at home and not deal with all this drama. I wish you better luck with your new roommates.

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On 07/02/2019, 15:17:32, halosad said:

I really don't understand.

 

Some people are just jerks. Just move out and chalk it up to one of those insane flatmate experiences. Minimize your exposure and stand firm, but try not to escalate, until you're safely out of there. 


I've had worse, methinks. No one as aggressive or openly rude like that, but worse in other ways. 

 

- The Freikirche Bible-thumping, religious, closeted lesbian, a constant food thief, self-righteous hypocrite, with no friends, who hated her family, and also stole money from me. Check.

- Literally dirty and smelly, mid-20s 420 blaze it smoke weed everyday pothead living off Bafög and his parents money, never ever going to uni, playing video games literally all day and night, blasting ganja-themed reggae (and ONLY ganja-themed) at literally all hours. Check. 

- Hauptschule dropout with an allergy to work because everyone thinks they're smarter/better than him, but his mediocre pop-punk band with songs revolving around toilet humour will make it some day. Check. (He was actually a nice person, apart from his inferiority complex, just very hard to live with)

- Above's total hippie girlfriend who lived in a trailer down by the river, who would randomly show up to use our kitchen, make a huge mess, use every single utensil and dish, listening to Hare Krishna  chants on top volume all the while, then she'd leave without ever cleaning up after herself, dirty dishes, dough and food splatters on every surface, floor and table. Do you think her pothead boyfriend ever cleaned up? Hah. Check.

- Dudebro who had a porn-star wannabe psycho girlfriend, who would shift one day from arguing at the top of her lungs for the entire building to hear and throwing things, to the next days' super-loud, laughably over-the-top fakin' it screaming sex noises. Check. 

 

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Assume she is depressed or Asperger's. At the very least well screwed up. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Exhale.

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