This German guy is so confusing. Do you think he is interested in me?

20 posts in this topic

So I’ve met a guy from Munich who came to my school (not in Germany) as an exchange student. We had a good time, but I don't think he was interested in me romantically, so although I had an initial interest in him (he’s very cute), it just faded away as he went back to Munich. Since then, we remained good friends but only texted every now and then over the course of a couple of months. So not much extensive or frequent texting.

We started talking again much more frequently recently, and he actually texted me first with a happy birthday message. I told him a few weeks ago that I’m going to visit Zürich, and he said that he will come to Zürich to see me. I was really confused because we were NOT even that close, and I did not think that he had a romantic interest in me. He then told me that he will stay for a week in Zürich until he has to go back for work. I know Zürich and Munich are not that far away, so maybe it isn’t a big deal for him to come over—but why would he do this if we weren’t close?

But what left me even more confused is that he doesn’t reply! It takes him at least 2-3 days to reply. I’m not the world’s best replier either, but when we’re trying to meet in a foreign land, it’s quite important to communicate but he is not being cooperative at all. Is he just not that serious about this meetup? Or is he sulky because I told him I’m not sure if I could visit Munich? I told him that I decided to visit a couple of more cities in nearby countries, but he hasn’t replied for 4 days since then.

When I asked if he has a friend in Zürich (because I was wondering if he is truly coming just for me) he said he does, but that friend "unfortunately lives in Munich now." Then I said "oh it's not unfortunate, you can see him all the time! Also I can go over to Munich too because it's close." Then he asked if I "want to come to Munich as well", but I said it was "just an idea and I'm not sure if I will because I've already visited." I think this is what may have caused him to think I'm not interested in him, as his response speed dropped significantly.--Do you think he was discouraged by that message? I also told him I'm going to Paris, Zurich and Berlin for sure, but maybe he thought I don't want to spend much time with him because by going to Paris before Zurich, we won't spend as much time. (And because I'm going to Berlin, not Munich).

Should I tell him that I am actually willing to go to Munich as long as he is free to hang out with me? Because I want to maximize my time with him--whether we can develop our relationship into something more than friends or not, it's great to have someone to travel with. Or will this come off as being needy and clingy?

WHAT do you think is going on here? What do you think I should do? I've never dated anyone; please help me out. :'(

Thanks xx

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If he doesn't want to travel to Zurich to see you (and arrange his own accommodations), he's just not that into you.

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Ask him if he'll walk to Zurich for you, but tell him that whilst he might catch you in Zurich, you may have already gone up to Paris. That way you can see whether he's really the man to walk 500 miles and then 500 more...ok, I'll get my coat. 

Alternatively, just go to Zurich (why by the way?) and do stuff you want to do there. If he shows up, cool, you can see if you like him. If he doesn't, then that's cool too, you won't have wasted any time, and you can still enjoy the rest of your trip.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Lucerne said:

It takes him at least 2-3 days to reply. I’m not the world’s best replier either, but when we’re trying to meet in a foreign land, it’s quite important to communicate but he is not being cooperative at all. Is he just not that serious about this meetup? Or is he sulky because I told him I’m not sure if I could visit Munich? I told him that I decided to visit a couple of more cities in nearby countries, but he hasn’t replied for 4 days since then.

 

This is not the foundation for a good first relationship.  It just isnt.  Long distance relationships are hard.

 

1 hour ago, Lucerne said:

I've never dated anyone; please help me out. :'(

 

Walk away.  This is going to end up with you emotionally hurt, honestly just dont get into it.

 

26 minutes ago, SpiderPig said:

He needed a shag and it was your Birthday... So he texted you..

 

Quite so.

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4 hours ago, RedMidge said:

I think neither if you are really interested, but too polite to end this pointless texting.

No, I am interested. I'm wondering if I should double text him or not. I want to tell him that I am going to Paris, but would still love to see him in Zurich, and possibly meet in his hometown Munich as well. Should I do this or not, given how much uninterested he seems? Or do you think he really is uninterested, or is he just sulky?

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What about a phone call instead of double texting whatever that means or am I too old fashioned? 

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I couldn´t agree more, Luke! By the way, I don´t know what double texting is! If it´s anything like the quote system on TT: tough!!!!:D

 

(PS: I know what two-timing is...did enough of that in my youth! )

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oh my goodness I don't miss this kind of crap.

 

ok I was never quite so much into this drama with "boys" but with age comes a sense of perspective.

 

Here's the deal, short and sweet:  do you want to see him again?  If so, make whatever arrangements you can to help this happen.  No, I'm not saying you should plan your trip around seeing him, but if you can make reasonable accommodations, do so.

 

If not, don't.

 

It really is that easy.  Making a big production out of this is just silly, especially as it's most likely you won't see him again for years, if ever. Second guessing your every move is just embarrassing.  Reading anything into what HE does is just maddening.  

 

You'll agree with me someday ;) 

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40 minutes ago, Lucerne said:

No, I am interested. I'm wondering if I should double text him or not. I want to tell him that I am going to Paris, but would still love to see him in Zurich, and possibly meet in his hometown Munich as well. Should I do this or not, given how much uninterested he seems? Or do you think he really is uninterested, or is he just sulky?

 

WTF are you thinking?

 

if you want to see munich, for your own reasons, go to munich.  Don't go there just for him.  

 

and again, this "is he uninterested or just sulky" - no one can tell you that but him.  If it's such a bug in your ear, ASK HIM

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I think the poster got it right first time.  He wants to go to Zürich but have someone to share it (i.e. the bills) with.  Plenty of people operate on a detached basis of sharing a room / bed / body if it reduces their accommodation costs and allows them to see the world.   You'll save him 400+ Euro at Zürich prices probably, given it's about the most expensive city in Europe.   Alternatively he may just have seen how much it costs when making a short notice booking in the middle of summer.  (Even many long-standing ardent lovers might think long and hard before stumping up a trip there, I know I do as I begrudgingly fork out for two days in Basel :lol:).

 

I did move here to follow a partner but that obviously did not happen because his response to "Can I come to your place?" was not "erm, not really so keen on that, actually...".

 

And there is surely, unfortunately, one obvious reason why his interest dropped off with "Can I come to your place?".

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I'd hate to see you change your plans to see new places and go to Munich where you've already been just on a maybe.

 

I'm with lisa13, ask him. If you both agree it's just a booty call, that's ok, too.

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On 7/23/2018, 11:09:18, LukeSkywalker said:

@lisa13: c'mon, she never dated anyone. Don't be so harsh.

 

I'm not sure what sounded harsh there but it really wasn't what I was going for - I intended to be "firm" ;)

 

The problem the OP seems to face (the willingness to twist herself all sorts of ways in an attempt to please this guy, or something in that direction) is actually a habit many women develop or hang onto even when they have plenty of dating experience. 

 

I don't see how level of dating experience is relevant, but anyway, the sooner she drops this approach the happier she'll be. While it wasn't my intention, I'd still rather she feel I harshed on her than face the far harsher experience (possibly repeatedly) in real life, with people she dates.

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I really appreciate your help, really. Thank you so much.

 

Quote

I'm not sure what sounded harsh there but it really wasn't what I was going for - I intended to be "firm" ;)

 

The problem the OP seems to face (the willingness to twist herself all sorts of ways in an attempt to please this guy, or something in that direction) is actually a habit many women develop or hang onto even when they have plenty of dating experience. 

 

I don't see how level of dating experience is relevant, but anyway, the sooner she drops this approach the happier she'll be. While it wasn't my intention, I'd still rather she feel I harshed on her than face the far harsher experience (possibly repeatedly) in real life, with people she dates.

 

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On 23/07/2018, 15:15:22, Lucerne said:

and he said that he will come to Zürich to see me. I was really confused because we were NOT even that close

He has noone to go on holiday with because

On 23/07/2018, 15:15:22, Lucerne said:

It takes him at least 2-3 days to reply.

so he has no friends. His 'friend' from Zurich is probably someone he talked to once or twice, which is why they never meet in Munich.

It's nothing you said or did. To me it seems like you've behaved in a perfectly friendly way, considering your background of just being in the same student environment for a while.

I think you should make your travel plans according to what you want and without counting on him. If he does join you in Zurich, keep a small basket because I'm afraid that if/when you get to know him, you'll probably be disappointed.

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