Behavior of German children while playing

120 posts in this topic

I only want to share my personal experience

as a parent. I think it’s not just German parents. Numerous parents here in Germany are generally like that, although yes, some that I have observed are children from German parents.

 

We don’t send our child to a kindergarten so we always go to a playgroup. I notice that these German parents let their toddlers just walk around freely without supervision and these parents talk among themselves. Many of those children who throw things and hurt other children are theirs. I have to always watch my child like a hawk because of these children that go around grabbing and beating other children. 

 

I would also like to know how anyone can bring their sick children to play with other children in a closed room playgroup, runny nose and all and during brotzeit, these carefree, free range kids just grab other kids’ food with their phlegmy hands. Their parents are smiling like it’s all normal. 

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On 7/17/2017, 11:25:41, Williamkane said:

Also I find the kids a hell of lot more well behaved than in the UK. I mean come and walk around where I live they are smoking drinking swearing. British kids are fucking awful compared to German kids. 

 

I am really glad I raised my kids here than in the UK. Way nicer here.

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2 hours ago, thegreatdivide said:

I only want to share my personal experience

as a parent. I think it’s not just German parents. Numerous parents here in Germany are generally like that, although yes, some that I have observed are children from German parents.

 

We don’t send our child to a kindergarten so we always go to a playgroup. I notice that these German parents let their toddlers just walk around freely without supervision and these parents talk among themselves. Many of those children who throw things and hurt other children are theirs. I have to always watch my child like a hawk because of these children that go around grabbing and beating other children. 

 

I would also like to know how anyone can bring their sick children to play with other children in a closed room playgroup, runny nose and all and during brotzeit, these carefree, free range kids just grab other kids’ food with their phlegmy hands. Their parents are smiling like it’s all normal. 

 

When I worked in kitas and my German wasn't all that good yet, I was constantly having to learn new phrases to deal with the unique situations in which I'd find myself.  One of the ones I learned and had to teach to all of my kids in the 12+ different institutions I'd visit in a week was "hand vorm mund halten".  These kids had no idea about anything like that and would cough and sneeze at whatever happened to be in front of them, with some kids finding it even funny to sneeze and spit directly into the faces of other children.  Needless to say, there were a lot of shocking behaviors that I observed which were also observable in adults.  After I got scarlet fever for the second time at the same kita two years in a row I began to seriously consider a different line of work, one which preferably didn't require me to ride public transport, which is also full of grownups coughing and sneezing on each other without a care in the world.  Disgusting.

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33 minutes ago, dessa_dangerous said:

When I worked in kitas and my German wasn't all that good yet, I was constantly having to learn new phrases to deal with the unique situations in which I'd find myself.

You mean something like "Da hast du aber einen schönen großen Haufen gemacht."

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7 hours ago, dessa_dangerous said:

 

When I worked in kitas and my German wasn't all that good yet, I was constantly having to learn new phrases to deal with the unique situations in which I'd find myself.  One of the ones I learned and had to teach to all of my kids in the 12+ different institutions I'd visit in a week was "hand vorm mund halten".  These kids had no idea about anything like that and would cough and sneeze at whatever happened to be in front of them, with some kids finding it even funny to sneeze and spit directly into the faces of other children.  Needless to say, there were a lot of shocking behaviors that I observed which were also observable in adults.  After I got scarlet fever for the second time at the same kita two years in a row I began to seriously consider a different line of work, one which preferably didn't require me to ride public transport, which is also full of grownups coughing and sneezing on each other without a care in the world.  Disgusting.

 

I am wondering as I cannot exactly search it. How different is kita to other kindergarten? I have read in one post about a mother who complained about how the ones who work there did not really want to acknowledge her request about not having her vegetarian child eat other children’s food because children were suppose to share their food with each other. People were advising that she should just take her child to a different kindergarten. 🧐

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9 hours ago, jeremytwo said:

 

I am really glad I raised my kids here than in the UK. Way nicer here.

 

 

To be honest, I think the UK has gotten worse as well.  

 

The first 'shock' I got at such behaviour was actually in Sweden.  The attitude seems to be "they are just kids, let them do what they want.  They will learn when they are older.".  And this seems to be more common now everywhere.

 

 

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1 minute ago, dj_jay_smith said:

The attitude seems to be "they are just kids, let them do what they want.  They will learn when they are older.".

 

Frankly I suspect this just to be pure laziness.

Coupled with "don't distract me from my smartphone".

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5 minutes ago, HEM said:

 

Frankly I suspect this just to be pure laziness.

Coupled with "don't distract me from my smartphone".

 

Partly, but it is also partly due to not wanting to be the "bad" parent in their childs eyes.

 

 

My Sister in law has had 2 boys and with both is the same problem:

They do something wrong and she tells them off.  But she does it by telling them no, smiling at them, picking them up and kissing them.

So the child gets the wrong message.  Yes they stop doing that thing now, mostly, but it doesn't stop them form doing something bad again.  Why would it when you get love and kisses from your mum every time!

 

When the eldest went to kindergarten at 3 then things changed, as there he learnt to fall into line and share and how to get along with others, and he is now a good kid.  But the few months before he was a little brat!  And I actually told my wife that I didn't want him to come round and play with our daughter anymore as he would just smash up the toys, steal things from her (she was just a baby) etc.  

Now with the youngest, who will go to kindergarten in Autumn, I am seeing exactly the same behaviour.

 

 

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3 hours ago, thegreatdivide said:

 

I am wondering as I cannot exactly search it. How different is kita to other kindergarten? 

 

I was also struggling to find the differences between KiTa and KiGa.

Seems that these days they are the same - however with regional differences.

 

WiKi shows some possible differences, but the local variations

may override any theoretical definitions.

https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindertagesst%C3%A4tte#Deutschland

(Translate as needed with deepl.com/translate)

 

Our local Waldorf KiGa also has a creche for the under 3s as well as 

a preschool slot for the elder kids.

 

In Hamburg, KiTas I have seen are sometimes converted shops with only 10 kids

whereas a KiGa has a garden. But I'll probably be flamed as not mentioning KiTa XX

with a wonderful garden and wandering around with my eyes shut...

 

From the Frankfurter Allgemeine :  : 

Quote

A initiative in Thuringan fights against the word "Kita" - and considers it an "artifical concept  that sounds terrible". For their fight for the word  "kindergarten", the initiators even try history

 

Thüringen wants to drop the word KiTa (report Thüringen wants to drop the word KiTa )

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, dj_jay_smith said:

So the child gets the wrong message.  Yes they stop doing that thing now, mostly, but it doesn't stop them form doing something bad again.  Why would it when you get love and kisses from your mum every time!

 

 

It really is hard to say no to adorable children but there is a critical window that parents can inculcate good behaviour in children. When that time passes by, it will be a hard battle in the future. 

 

The sad thing about it is the children learn what’s good elsewhere, not from the parents. ☹️

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One thing I think about German kids is they feel a sense of responsibility to a group, whereas we US/UK value individuality more. 

 

Give you a great example. My son is lying upstairs in bed with a broken leg from skiing right now. Three of us had to physically carry him up there last night. What did his class mates do a few hours ago? They filmed themselves (2 classes) shouting in unison "Gute Besserung"! as a crowd. I almost choked when I saw the film.

 

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I agree with WilliamKane. In early childhood education sharing and playing together is encouraged in Uk. However later this seems to be neglected in such a strong way that kids I met in Uk were bullies using strong words towards grownups and generally very little controlled. The worst Ausländerfeindlichkeit I ever saw was in London. Skin colour was way more negatively commented to from youths in public places without any incident raising those remarks than anywhere else I've been to.

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Someone remarked on parents being glued to their smartphones while their children are playing and it does my head in. How can you properly and fairly deal with bad behaviour if you have no idea what has just happened and (invariably) you have two screaming children in front of you?

But also, more importantly, how can good behaviour be seen, encouraged and therefore reinforced? 

 

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1 hour ago, pmd said:

Someone remarked on parents being glued to their smartphones while their children are playing and it does my head in.

 

Worse still I read somewhere (reference no available) that one cause of children drowning was parents being glued to their smartphones whilst their children were in the water.

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18 hours ago, thegreatdivide said:

I only want to share my personal experience

as a parent. I think it’s not just German parents. Numerous parents here in Germany are generally like that, although yes, some that I have observed are children from German parents.

 

We don’t send our child to a kindergarten so we always go to a playgroup. I notice that these German parents let their toddlers just walk around freely without supervision and these parents talk among themselves. Many of those children who throw things and hurt other children are theirs. I have to always watch my child like a hawk because of these children that go around grabbing and beating other children. 

 

I would also like to know how anyone can bring their sick children to play with other children in a closed room playgroup, runny nose and all and during brotzeit, these carefree, free range kids just grab other kids’ food with their phlegmy hands. Their parents are smiling like it’s all normal. 

 

I was as well shocked at the beginning about how the parents just let the kids play in the playground with minor supervision and panicked every time one "naughty" kid touched one on my snowflakes.   Well, with the time I relaxed and realized that it is not that bad.   Kids learn quite fast the playground politics and learn to solve conflicts themselves.   Yes, there might be a couple of little a-holes in the playground but other kids realize would who they are and avoid interacting too much with them.   Maybe those little a-holes are just kids that are very active and blow energy by playing rough, if they are regulars they will find other kids like them and play together and avoid the "sissies".

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Disclaimer: I have no children.

But is it possible that some German parents have a problem with the concept of discipline, regarding it as negative rather than positive?

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I don't remember anymore whether German kids were badly behaved - it's been a long time since I had a small child.

After being very relaxed with my first three children and observing the bad consequences, after a 13-year hiatus I gave birth to Vierling and then Fuenfling.  Boy, did I do things differently.  I watched them like a hawk, and stopped them when I saw signs of behavior that could lead to a scolding or, in my earlier days as a mother, to a spanking.  I used cues to get their attention when we were in public, snapping my fingers if they were close enough to hear, or giving a two-tone whistle if they were further away.  I'd shake my index finger and mouth 'no' or 'stop'; if I gave them the stink-eye, it was a final warning.  Being just as intelligent as dogs, they'd respond positively.  
When I see children allowed by their parents to misbehave, it makes me want to take the parents over my knee.  They're responsible for their kids' behavior.

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3 hours ago, onemark said:

Disclaimer: I have no children.

But is it possible that some German parents have a problem with the concept of discipline, regarding it as negative rather than positive?

 

There is a high possibility that the answer to that is yes. OR, what we see as lack of discipline could already be their standard of what discipline should be.

 

I remember someone told me, “if you discipline your child at home, there is no need to discipline them in public.”

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1 hour ago, katheliz said:

I don't remember anymore whether German kids were badly behaved - it's been a long time since I had a small child.

After being very relaxed with my first three children and observing the bad consequences, after a 13-year hiatus I gave birth to Vierling and then Fuenfling.  Boy, did I do things differently.  I watched them like a hawk, and stopped them when I saw signs of behavior that could lead to a scolding or, in my earlier days as a mother, to a spanking.  I used cues to get their attention when we were in public, snapping my fingers if they were close enough to hear, or giving a two-tone whistle if they were further away.  I'd shake my index finger and mouth 'no' or 'stop'; if I gave them the stink-eye, it was a final warning.  Being just as intelligent as dogs, they'd respond positively.  
When I see children allowed by their parents to misbehave, it makes me want to take the parents over my knee.  They're responsible for their kids' behavior.

 

Spot on. 🙌

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2 hours ago, katheliz said:

They're responsible for their kids' behavior.

 

Strange thing - I'm still trying to navigate some of this as I don't have kids and have the luxury of encountering mostly wonderful children...

 

We have a playground in our innenhof which is for private use of the kids in our two sister houses.  There are two girls, specifically, who regularly come over from a neighboring property by slipping through a gap in the wall.  They sometimes play with two resident kids, which I have no beef with, but most of the time they are here on their own, ininvited.  They are HORRIBLE kids.  Mean, obnoxious, disrespectful, violent, just nasty.  They also bring lots of other kids of various ages (some as small as toddlers!) and I have never once met their parents or seen any adult with them.

 

About two weeks ago they were shrieking and carrying on as usual and after a couple of hours of this (literally two meters from my windows) I asked them why they were playing in our hof instead of their own.  "uhhhhhh". looking at me like I was crazy ;)  So I said I wanted to speak to their parents.  "Come on, take me to your parents"  they hemmed and hawed and said they didn't know where their parents were...which I countered...finally found their dad and told him they are too loud and disrespectful, they are over at our place all the time,  they are not residents and they can't play in our hof unless they are with kids who are actual residents and they are invited.

 

I haven't seen them since.  It seems they play in their own hof playground now.  

 

No I don't know how long this will last, but I think talking to the parents and laying out what's what is a reasonable attempt to make.

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