Discussion : picking up girls , is Berlin the right place ?

99 posts in this topic

Hey guys , Let's start by forgetting dating apps for the sake of the argument

 

I live in Berlin since 3 years , I have attended lots of meetups , from different types you name it , language , sports , drink and talk ... everything and yet after all of this type I dont think that meetups are the place to get to know a girls that you might settle down with or have fun with for some time , It could happen of course but it's not the realistic and most efficient way for that.

 

After meetups I start to think about attending classes like cooking and dance classes and lots of other stuff but still no actual results ... I believe that the best way is to go for a Bar , one with lots of chicks inside , the problem here is that those bars are mostly for smokers , everyone smoking there !!! I cannot stand that and the other very important reason that I dont really think it's a good idea to go alone to a bar full of people coming as groups it looks awkward and less attractive , another rather stupid reason is that I dont drink alcohol , I cannot set there and keep drinking Cola or whatever sweet stuff for I dont know how long .

 

I start to think that Berlin is bad city for picking up girls , I dont wanna pickup a girls while she's drunk so I dont think about clubs . I dont have friends who are ready to go with me for such activity because the're either pussies and shy of such situation " where you have to start with a girl " or already have a girlfriend .

 

Anyone can feel me here ? maybe has the same thoughts on that regard ? or maybe a solution ? I'm sick of this and I wanna make a huge change but no results yet .

 

Please let me know what do you think and take it seriously , If you wanna write a comments just to try to be funny , please dont .

 

Best

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Based on your statements, every major city is bad for picking up girls.  It always requires time and effort;  rarely will anyone flock to you.  It sounds like you've decided what it is you want in a partner or location for finding a partner (possibly no smoking/drinking) and with that you're going to have to continue to go to events where those are limited or excluded.

 

Have you asked your friends if they know any single ladies to set you up with?  Have you looked internally into what might be causing women to reject your advances?  Is it the way you make your advance (are you too aggressive, too intimidating? unclear? etc.)? Is it your mentality (viewing ladies of dating age as "girls" might be part of the problem)?  How long did you attend these groups before you decided they weren't working? 

 

Honestly, most other people can tell if you're not comfortable in a situation and that can potentially make you less attractive as a potential partner.  If you're just at a club "sitting" and drinking, that's probably going to give off an unfriendly vibe to start with.  Take your drink (no one will know if it has alcohol or not), and circulate, walk around.  I agree maybe clubs aren't the best for starting discussion though.

 

Find situations in which you are comfortable, that include singles, and continue going.  Make friends, expand your circles and see if a natural introduction occurs.  

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What do you mean by the term "pick up"? To me, and I think to most people, this means one specific thing, yet you include "settling down" as an outcome. Language is important! From reading your post I would think "Meet" is a more approrpiate word...

 

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I agree, and because language is important I wound´t discount dating sites in the first place. There you could present yourself and describe what you´re looking for. I´d be surprised if there were no girls who´d be attracted e g. by the fact that you don´t drink alcohol and aren´t into one night stands. Choosing sophisticated language might also help.  My life would have been much easier with regard to dating had the internet been around 40 years ago;)

 

Other than that, what about joining a dancing school? That´s the old fashioned route.

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Starting with the goal of 'picking up girls' is usually the worst place to actual, you know, start.

Find hobbies/activities you like and go to enjoy them. *Meeting* women may or may not happen but you will at least be doing something you enjoy while it is or is not happening.

 

What is your goal for meeting women, looking for a relationship or just hook-ups? No one here will judge, people will give their opinions (which will vary).

 

Bars... You are less likely to meet a partner in a bar than at work (or even shopping according to some statistics in the UK) and I think that is even more so here. I have had around 4 conversations with female strangers which I have been in Germany. 100% did not end up with me ever seeing them again or exchanging anything more than small talk. Basically they just noticed I was foreign and asked where I was from. Normal short conversations in a normal situation.

 

My advise is this, go out, do things you enjoy and see what happens, it may take a while (you may be an ugly f*cker, can't say), you may live in an area where people may not like what you look/sound like (sorry to be blunt, but in some areas being foreign is a minus, or at least it was when I lived in Berlin, Ahrensfelde and Mahrtsahn were not the best back then and I only had to travel through for work).

 

Do you have a job? Big opportunity to get to know women but so not expect it to be easy. It never is (not for me anyway, and I am a rather striking hunk of man meat) so just take your time.

 

Enjoy life and see what happens. 

 

Also expect a lot of funny comments, you mentioned it, people here are sarcastic.

 

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Some good advice here. BTW, as your profile reveals you are German, I'm wondering what's the attraction of posting your query on an English-language site? Do you have a particular interest in girls whose mother tongue is English?

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Hey guys , thanks for your comments, I'm not a German though I speak German pretty well . The default option when I made the account was German and I did not change it . 

 

I have a decent Job , I'm not ugly fucker :P just normal guy out there , I will try dance classes , as for the bars you might be right about the shallowness of the contact that you might establish there , I mean it might be a matter of luck only , I work as software engineer so you imagine how many dicks setting in the same room with no ladies !!

 

The word pickup is just american term to describe going out with a girl , does not have to be hooking up only though dating or meeting might be a better one :)

 

 

 

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Thanks for the clarification. I may not be up to date with the jargon: to me, pick up means the same as it did 40 years ago, ie, a one-night stand! 

You have received some good advice. Just know that young women have a hard time meeting appropriate men as well -- ym daughter would love to find someone but balks at online dating and has the same problems as you. (But she doesn't live in Berlin!)

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A lot of women are very intuitive, if you go out with the thought of trying to pick someone up they will sense it and your chances are blown, often people meet someone when they least expect to. Where do you work, are in a circle of friends? Suggest you chill and just do your normal everyday things and enjoy your pastimes, things have a habit of just happening

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23 minutes ago, arunadasi said:

 ... to me, pick up means the same as it did 40 years ago, ie, a one-night stand! 

 

Nothing wrong with one night stands if both parties are up for a bit of it. 

 

 ( . )( . )

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1 hour ago, hellfire99 said:

 

Nothing wrong with one night stands if both parties are up for a bit of it. 

 

 ( . )( . )

 

However, he needs to make clear what he wants by choosing words which don't confuse. If he calls them pickups, and some women still understand one-night-stands by that term, but don't want a one-night-stand -- well, he's already made an unwanted pre-selection, diminished his potential dates. Maybe pick-up is the new words for dating in America; I'm not sure if it has gone global though. It certainly doesn't sound very serious!

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14 hours ago, Aasemk said:

I start to think that Berlin is bad city for picking up girls
 

 

Has it not occurred to you that the problem may not be Berlin but a little closer to home.

 

Sounds to me like you're taking the whole dating scenario far too seriously and the dating aspect is stressing you out. It also sounds like you've given yourself some kind of unnecessary timeline to be in a relationship and maybe get married. This kind of attitaude will be setting you up for an instant failure since most people aren’t going to meet your timeline.

 

Haven't got time to add more at the mo so just my 2 cents.

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I used to be in a hillwalking club which was a great way to meet women. Obviously not an option in Berlin but perhaps there is something like a hiking club?

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You can hike up Teufelsberg, not a bad view from the top.

 

Don't know what the dating scene is like up there, though.

 

 

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If it is adult women you are trying to meet, referring to them as "girls' and "chicks" in Berlin (and to men who do not meet some testosterone-sufficiency level in your eyes as "pussies") is going to be a problem. It's actually going to be a problem most places. I would say though that the ability of women in Berlin to detect MRAs and predatory types is very good, and you are more likely to be shut down assertively, and quickly, than, say, in havens for "cool girls."

 

Toytown has an atomic age view of women so perhaps your message will meet receptivity here. 

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Don't you mean *Stone* Age?

 

Atomic age would imply something fairly modern... and the views of certain TTers on women are hopelessly obsolete.

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