Things to ponder

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@optimista I'm gay. Ask your daughter what she wants. If talking to her about it is a problem, that's about your relationship with her and not about being gay. Also, if you tell people, you may later find out that they aren't important enough to her for her to tell and that you should have let it lie.

 

Furthermore,  what is there to talk about about her being gay? It's a giant so-what. Some people are gay. Ask her about the woman she's dating. Try, "Are you seeing anyone? How's it going?"

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I mention my gay daughter (who has a gay wife - funny how it works out that way!) in casual conversation with people. With the TV cable person, it's 'My daughter and her wife got me the TV'; with the yard maintenance guys, it's 'My daughter and her wife planted -X- for me.' Why do I bring it up? Because the more people hear that gay folks have lives beyond sexual activity, that they have their own families and cares, the more accepting they are. They see I'm not embarrassed to have family members who bend in other directions, and they begin to realize it just isn't a big deal.
I don't mean I forget my daughter and DIL are gay. They are - it's part of their identity. It's like saying to your Black coworker, 'I don't think of you as Black.' You can bet your coworker does, and that what you think is a complimentary statement is really an insulting remark.

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I beg to differ with that last statement. I am indifferent to people s colour but it doesn t mean i don t see it. Same for gays. You can t unsee it. That doesn t mean it necessarily matters. Weird argument you put forward. I really don t get it.

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@optimista  The point of what @katheliz said, as I see it, is that people who are part of a minority group don't perceive themselves the same way that you do. We face different challenges - challenges you do not face. Therefore, as I understand katheliz's statement, to say you don't see it or don't perceive a difference is just as bad as harping on the difference. I am a really out person and comfortable being so, but I do not let my sisters or my mother bandy my gayness about as a way to give themselves license to talk any old way about LGBTQ people or as a way to center themselves in conversations about sexual orientation and minority status.

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Blimey. It s complicated. And beyond me. No win situation ? We all face battles one way or another.

 

 

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@optimista, if as you say, you aren’t able to talk to your daughter, I’d suggest that you certainly don’t tell any family members…especially those that aren’t close to either of you. It’s not really your news to share, at least not yet. My aunt and uncle reacted badly when their daughter told them of her relationship choice. In hindsight, they deeply regret their reaction that included telling all and sundry with lots of disapproval and lavender hanky sniffing! Their daughter is now happily married and all the family love her wife dearly. 

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54 minutes ago, optimista said:

Blimey. It s complicated. And beyond me. No win situation ? We all face battles one way or another.

 

 

 

Well, I hope your daughter finds a loving, open, honest, and caring relationship like I have, if that's what she wants. I think that is the best you can do as her parent, too.

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22 minutes ago, AlexTr said:

 

Well, I hope your daughter finds a loving, open, honest, and caring relationship like I have, if that's what she wants. I think that is the best you can do as her parent, too.

Quite right. After my daughter’s recent long term relationship split, she asked me how I’d feel if her orientation changed. If she’s happy in a loving relationship, I’m happy too. 

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Don t get me wrong, people. I am not thinking of broadcasting it. But i don t feel inclined to hide it either. I was specifically thinking about my parents. If you say nothing you are hiding it. If you do, you are blabbing. My daughter does not have any regular contact with them. It s not going to be the first topic of conversation when she does.

 

Also, i see the same pattern of insularity in her behaviour as in other gays i know. No doubt a defence mechanism.

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We're all gonna miss Mutti.
merkel.png?resize=600%2C398

'I don’t know that Merkel was able to act as much of a sea-anchor on Trump, but this photo from a 2018 G7 summit is illustrative of how she at least tried, and every face in it carries an explanation of what was going on.

Her pragmatic brilliance will be missed not only in Germany and in the EU but globally, while his cross-armed stubborn attitude also speaks volumes.' - Mike Peterson from his blog ComicStripoftheDay. 

http://www.dailycartoonist.com/index.php/2021/09/26/csotd-personal-reflections-on-public-matters/

 

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So what do we read in the boys' faces ? Trump isn t taking her seriously. Are the others ?

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1 hour ago, optimista said:

Don t get me wrong, people. I am not thinking of broadcasting it. But i don t feel inclined to hide it either. I was specifically thinking about my parents. If you say nothing you are hiding it. If you do, you are blabbing. My daughter does not have any regular contact with them. It s not going to be the first topic of conversation when she does.

 

Also, i see the same pattern of insularity in her behaviour as in other gays i know. No doubt a defence mechanism.

 

How often do your parents ask who your daughter is dating? How often do you feel like talking about her love life?

 

I never get this part. I've been with my wife for fifteen years and my busybody bunch in the US still talk about my old girlfriends.  Why? I guess their lives were boring and mine wasn't. 

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1 hour ago, optimista said:

So what do we read in the boys' faces ? Trump isn t taking her seriously. Are the others ?

 

I really have to play poker with you sometime. 

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16 minutes ago, AlexTr said:

...I never get this part. I've been with my wife for fifteen years and my busybody bunch in the US still talk about my old girlfriends.  Why? I guess their lives were boring and mine wasn't. 

 

Those are the memories they've retained or can relate to.  I sometimes find myself asking my best friend about his ex wife  "Have you heard from 'ex-Mrs'  "  ?  "Where is she living now"  "Remember the time we..."  Whatever happened to..."?  Reason is that he and his ex were in our lives at an important time and we have gobs of memories of those times.  I met his new wife but never really connected with her.  I mean, she's a fine person but just no history between us.  Don't take it personal.  It's not about you and your wife.  It's about them.

 

LucyBooth.jpg

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I tried everything in the office a few minutes ago. A bash, a wallop, tongs, a kick, being friendly, being understanding.. but that bloody cockroach has better eyesight than me and is WAY faster. Where the hell is it?😂😖

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29 minutes ago, AlexTr said:

 

How often do your parents ask who your daughter is dating? How often do you feel like talking about her love life?

 

I never get this part. I've been with my wife for fifteen years and my busybody bunch in the US still talk about my old girlfriends.  Why? I guess their lives were boring and mine wasn't. 

Because people are curious. Sometimes kindly, sometimes ignorantly, sometimes unkindly with some envy and Schadenfreude thrown in as a dessert.

It's a mix. 

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