Things to ponder

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I may be close to getting closure. And then what will I do?

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On 17.3.2021, 10:08:23, optimista said:

I may be close to getting closure. And then what will I do?

Live your life? Sue the hell out of him?

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Now I'm wondering how and why a highly intelligent, successful chap ceded all control of his finances to his better (?) half.

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Why is it so difficult to find a hairdresser who actually knows how to cut hair? I think the one I had today learnt on You-Tube. Seriously.

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Well, that seems to have worked a treat. Thought it might.

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I am wondering if my FIL was an incestuous monster. Would this explain the screaming nightmares and fkd up sexuality of my hubby? Why did the SIL spend only two minutes with him when he was on his deathbed and come out as unruffled as if she had just dropped off a cheque at the bank? Why did no-one utter his name or mention him in any way for years after he died (and then only the SILs) ? Hubby says it is none of my business. I doubt I will be getting any more information than that. So I can just feel bad about asking the question. Just what are they hiding?

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2 hours ago, optimista said:

I am wondering if my FIL was an incestuous monster. Would this explain the screaming nightmares and fkd up sexuality of my hubby? Why did the SIL spend only two minutes with him when he was on his deathbed and come out as unruffled as if she had just dropped off a cheque at the bank? Why did no-one utter his name or mention him in any way for years after he died (and then only the SILs) ? Hubby says it is none of my business. I doubt I will be getting any more information than that. So I can just feel bad about asking the question. Just what are they hiding?

Sounds just like my mother’s diabolical revelations leaving me to ponder if she’s lying or not. I hope she is. Family truths are so often never revealed...sometimes, that’s for the best.

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If your motto is "Where we go one, we go all," then perhaps you shouldn't call other people sheep. 

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On 6/3/2021, 7:23:10, optimista said:

I am wondering if my FIL was an incestuous monster. Would this explain the screaming nightmares and fkd up sexuality of my hubby? Why did the SIL spend only two minutes with him when he was on his deathbed and come out as unruffled as if she had just dropped off a cheque at the bank? Why did no-one utter his name or mention him in any way for years after he died (and then only the SILs) ? Hubby says it is none of my business. I doubt I will be getting any more information than that. So I can just feel bad about asking the question. Just what are they hiding?

 

might be incest--frightfully not uncommon--but it might be any other number of forms of abuse, too.  Other things that might do the job include dad beating the mom, dad being emotionally abusive to everyone, dad cheating on the mom and everyone knew it, or being totally checked out, disinterested and indifferent since forever.  But that's not to sweep sexual abuse off the table.  It's only one of many things that might make a family fail to mourn their relative.  I was at a funeral for a father and grandfather some years ago.  40 of his friends and family were in the church.  No one wanted to speak, not his wife, none of his kids.  The pastor did his best to say a few words over this man he never knew, and had a hard time of it, too.  It was very awkward.  At the wake afterward no one mentioned his name.  We ate and drank and talked about our lives.  There was not a moist eye in the place.  I don't know if it was incest (though I doubt it very much).  But he was a grumpy, shitty old git that made the lives of everyone around him harder and by the time he died no one was particularly sad to see him go.

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I have also been to a couple of funerals where the wives made themselves conspicuous by their total lack of distress. And I guess there were reasons for that. The final hymn at one was sung to the tune of Conquering Hero at a pace. Which was pretty jolly. I mused at the time it was probably some kind of message.

 

I always remember the wisdom of one Archbishop of Canterbury who reminded us that when we depart this life there is always someone somewhere glad to see the back of us. Very true. And that's for the good guys.

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4 minutes ago, optimista said:

I have also been to a couple of funerals where the wives made themselves conspicuous by their total lack of distress. And I guess there were reasons for that.

 

Valium - the funeral drug.

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Tired of pondering and just in the need of some quiet affirmation?
May be a cartoon

Still comfortin', after 70 years.

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so when a lawyer makes a post trying to network it must be a scam but when someone claims they're going to pay €50 an hour once OR TWICE a week to play with their two-year-old in English, no one bats an eyelid.  Where are the trolling comments and multiple reports about how there is something fishy about offering to pay €50 an hour to a glorified babysitter?  The racism on this forum makes me sick to my fucking stomach sometimes.

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One person, as far as I remember, Dessa, made a comment about the Nigerian spam connection ( so to speak ). It wasn't me, by the way. I do get the spam, by the way. But also from other countries. And EVERY day. 

One person, as far as I can remember , made a comment about how unusually generous the teaching payment offer is ( speaking as an ex-English teacher )...so: moi. 
One person has apparently messaged the OP re the teaching. 
So it is sad you think this is a reflection on racism on this forum.
This is not a mass movement.

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what the fuck, john, the man is from Tanzania, nothing to do with Nigeria. You and the others obviously don't believe they have lawyers in Tanzania?  You think they're just all bobbing around their huts chucking spears at each other to settle disputes or what?  What spam?  He wants to talk to OTHER BLACK lawyers, how does that even affect you, or the majority of anyone on Toytown?  Or *anyone* on Toytown for that matter? Pretty weak plan for a scam.  If he'd have made a ridiculous offer, like the other person did, say, for a too-cheap apartment sold from a different continent, that would have been one thing.  But no.  It was simply too unbelievable that Tanzania has just one lawyer.  €50 an hour is a fucking ludicrous amount of money to pay for that service yet we've got you fawning all over its OP and another member actually signing up, hope she makes sure to exercise a healthy skepticism and ask the right questions before traipsing over to the home of some stranger luring her with a really baffling offer.  Like to me that sounds like what a bad person does to get stupid people over to their house so he can do bad things to them.  But the black man can't be a lawyer.  Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit.

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