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True and funny stories

12 posts in this topic

My father looked a bit like Andy Warhol especially when he was wearing his reading glasses. One evening in a restaurant the waiter brought over a note from another table which read:

"Good evening Mr. Warhol, we would just like to say that in our opinion you are the best artist of the century."

My father sent back the following note:

"I am not Andy Warhol, I am John B. and I am a barrister."

A few minutes later another note came:

"It's alright Mr. Warhol, we won't disturb you any further!"

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I used to work for Emnid market research, one of the questionnaires was aimed at bank directors and while I was waiting to speak to one of them they put me on hold. Guess what song by ABBA was being played.

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I posted this on another forum, but I'll repeat it here...

 

Leaving a coaching that the Wiener Staatsoper, having just worked through Florestan, I opened the door and there was Tante Christa, dropping off one of her students. As we were walking to the elevator I said (in German of course) “No Shit, I just listened to your Fidelio this afternoon.” with a slight blush she answered, “Oh, that was a good one, wasn't it?” she gently caressed my cheek on the way to stroking my hair and said “You are a real Viking, aren't you?” and I thought...OMG Christa Ludwig is flirting with me !

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I cant remember when it was but I was watching a football match (England vs. Germany) in the Muffathalle. I was surronded by Germans who all told me "You English have no chance" We beat them 5:1 and after the match a reporter from the Bayerische Rundfunk asked me how I felt about Germany losing. My answer "Super, ich bin Engländer" her chin fell to the floor!

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You/we/the whole world need pictures..proof, Uncle!

Proof:

 

 

I was not in a good phase of my life back then but I remember warming to the evening on my ex-telly...

 

 

 

 

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I remember this like it was just last night....

 

I was watching flood water get higher and higher and thinking I was King Kanute, I could have fixed the issue by standing barefoot on my garden and swearing at the water!

 

The funny part was the next day, 9hrs or so later Yl6 dressed up as PandaMunich told me to move al my furniture upstairs!

 

Only a fucking Yorkshire pudding would give such advice!

 

 

I Chuckled!

 

 

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A guy once asked me to help him understand a letter, the first sentence read: "Polizeiliche Erklärung zum Freiheitsentzug" so I suggested he discuss it with his social worker. I met him a few hours later and asked if he had seen his social worker to which he replied: No, but it can't be that bad it's only an "Erklärung." I didn't see him for a few weeks and when I asked him where he had been he said that he had been on holiday.

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I used to work for a British bank which was very strongly represented in South America. While I was in Brazil, one of the bank inspectors told me a story of a surprise visit

he and his team had made to an outlying branch in Tierra del Fuego.

 

The team arrived unannounced of course and walked into the bank at 11 o'clock in the morning. They were surprised to find no staff in evidence. No cashier, no accountant, no manager, nobody.

 

One of them vaulted over the counter, found the alarm button and pressed it. The clanging could be heard across the street.

 

2 minutes later, a waiter from the hotel opposite arrived with 3 gin and tonics and an ice bucket on a tray; wished the inspectors a nice day, then walked through to the vault at the back. The team followed him and found the manager, the accountant and the cashier playing cards.

 

The Latin America director in London was not amused.

 

Another story from Brazil:

The branch accountant was horified to find 2 employees having sex on the table in the archives. He sent a report to London to ask what he should do about it.

The answer came back from Head Office;

 

"Remove the table".

 

 

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